Welcome Back, Riley
by miissnoname
Summary: Riley disappears the day after her high school graduation, five years ago. No contact with anyone, but her family. What happens when she comes back to New York for a week? Or when she comes face to face with the friends she left behind? She never made plans to look back at the life when she left. She left it behind for a reason, but sometimes the past has a hard time staying there.
1. 1

Getting off the plane, I want to turn around and go back home. New York City was no longer a home to me. I spend a few days here every year for Christmas, but as soon as it's over I go back to Seattle. This year, however, I'm going to be spending an extra week here for my parents 30-year vow renewal. I didn't tell them when I'd be coming into town; I thought it would be nice to surprise them.

I take a cab to my parents' apartment, and when the cab approaches the front of the building I hesitant to get out the way I always do. Even when I get out, I always find it hard to walk up the stairs into the place I use to call home. It doesn't feel the same, probably because I'm not the same person. A lot has happened that changed me.

I finally decide to let myself into the apartment. "Hello, it's me." I wait for a response, nothing. No one is home. Not really surprised. My mom works crazy hours with the firm after her promotion, same with my dad. Auggie, from what I hear from my mom, is never home. He is always out with Ava. My parents refuse to make any changes to the apartment, I'm guessing, since everything has been the same since I was little.

I move around the apartment it what I always do. I take everything in if I miss any place in New York it's this apartment. I always try to avoid my room. It just filled with old memories. I don't bother to change it. I usually just spend two nights the most, but I guess not this time.

I stand in front of the door that leads to my room. Why is it that it's always so hard to come in here every single time? Probably because it still looks the same. I have pictures of the gang still hanging up in there. I can't seem to pull myself to put them away. I guess if I'm being honest at times I do miss it here. I miss them. I miss him.

I manage to open the door and I get hit with nostalgia. I see the six of us sitting by the bay window. This was like the meeting headquarters if it wasn't my mom's café. I walk over to my bed and I look my bedside table on one side. It's a picture of the group on Prom night. I had a purple floor length dress with a sweetheart neck line. The top was couple in jewels. I felt like a princess in it. Maya looked beautiful. She had a smile that reached her eyes. I don't think I ever seen her smile so big. She had a black long strapless dress with a slit up her thigh. Smackle was absolutely breath taking. She had come over earlier that day and I helped her with her hair and makeup. The blue knee length tulle dress fit her to a tee. Farkle looked handsome all dressed up in a suit with a matching bow tie to Smackle's dress color. Zay, he looked like a stud. His smile matched Maya's. They had been dating a little over a month, and this was their first big event as a couple. Why it took either one of them so long to make it official? Beats me, but I couldn't have been happier for them. Then, there he was, Lucas Friar he was the object of my affection. I remember seeing him that night and my breath hitched. He looked indescribable. Everyone was smiling and looking at the camera, except me. I was smiling, but my eyes they were locked on him.

I just don't understand how everything went bad that night. If someone looked at this picture, they would never have guessed that this magical night came crashing down. I don't know why I keep this picture here. Every single time I see it, it's almost like I relive the night and I feel the same feelings I felt that night. Starting with happiness and ending in rage. I set the picture back down on the bedside table. I should put it away, but I don't. It was the last good memory I have with them all, where we are all happy.

Something from the corner of my eyes that grabs my attention from my desk. I walk over, and I see a red velvet engagement ring box. I thought I got rid of this, why is it here? I reach for it and open it thinking I'm going come face with a purple jelly bean, instead it's empty. I stare at it and a feeling of disappointment comes over me. A little part of me hoped it was still in there. I think back to the ski lodge where Lucas picked me. It was one of the happiest moments in my life. The triangle was finally over, and I was the one that Lucas wanted. I should have known it was too good to be true.

I get pulled out of my train of thought, by someone clearing their throat. "Riley, you're home?" Auggie says from the doorway.

"Hey Aug!" I walk up to him and engulf him into a tight hug. I feel his arms wrap around me.

"I didn't know you were coming home. I missed you, Riley!"

"I missed you too!" I hug him tighter.

He pulls away and looks down at the little box in my hand, "So that's where I left it." He says gesturing to the box.

"This is yours?" He nods. "What were you going to do with it?"

I see a smile spread across his face. "I found this amazing ring at an antique store for Ava. I was going to put it in that little box. Give it to her as a promise for forever." I can't help the smile that escapes from my lips. "Is it too much?"

I shake my head, "Not at all. Ava is one lucky girl. You are one amazing dude little bro."

He eagerly wants to show me the ring, so I follow him to his room. It's a beautiful ring. A thin rose gold band with a white pearl right in the middle. I'm guessing for her birth stone. "She's going to love it."

Auggie was about to say something, when we hear the front door slam shut.

"Auggie, you here?" I hear my mom yell.

"Yes, I'm in my room. I'll be right down." He shouts back. "C'mon let's go surprise mom," he whispers to me.

I follow him down the stairs. My mom and I haven't been on the best of terms. She didn't understand why I left. My fault, I didn't tell her. I actually didn't tell anyone why I left. Pretty sure if everyone found out I would be hated.

"Hey mom." Auggie says. My mom has her back to us in the kitchen looking through the mail.

"Have you ate? I can order-" she stops as she turns around and sees me standing there. "Riley, you're home!" She latches herself on to me in a constricting hug.

"Hi mom!"

"Oh my god, what are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you until Friday! You're four days earlier. I'm happy you're here though!"

I let out a little laugh, "Well, I thought I'd surprise you. You know help you with last minute things. It's one of my duties as your daughter."

I see a weird look wash over my mom's face, "Oh don't worry about that. I got it all taken care of it. I have help."

"Are you sure?" She nods, "Because I can help with anything."

"Why don't you and Auggie go get something to eat."

"I'm not hungry mom." Auggie puts his two sense in.

"Yeah either am I."

"Well why don't you two go out for some ice cream. Here I'll pay." She reaches for her purse. It's almost like she is trying to get rid of us. Mainly me.

"Mom, are you trying to get rid of me?" I joke.

"What?! No, honey of-" she gets cut off by a voice from the intercom

"It's Maya!" Maya? What is the world is she doing here.

I look over at my mom who is trying to avoid my gaze. She knew Maya was coming over is this regular. I look over to Auggie.

"Let it begin." He says.

"Auggie, let Maya in please." My mom tells Auggie and he obliges.

"Mom, what is Maya doing here?" Then something clicks inside of my head, "Is she helping you plan everything?" She doesn't say anything and that only confirms it for me. Of course. "Are you serious, mom? You could have asked me for help. I'm your daughter, not her! But she's your other daughter right. The one that makes you so proud. I don't-" I get interrupted.

"Hel-" she looks at me, "Riles?"

I look at her, and I don't even know what to feel. I want to hug, but at the same time I want to strangle her. I look back at my mom. "I see things haven't changed. I'm not surprised. I'm going for a walk. Aug, you want to come with me?" He is already headed towards to door.

Before I walk out the door I turn around to face Maya, "Have fun with my, I mean your or is it ours? Yeah have fun with our mom." She opens her mouth to say something, but I don't give her a chance. I walk out and slam the door behind me.


	2. 2

Auggie gets a phone call from Ava a few minutes into our walk. He is a little hesitant at first because he didn't want to leave me alone, but I urge him to go. I watch him walk away, and I feel a little anxious to be alone on the streets on New York. It's not because I'm scared something is going to happen, I'm scared I'm going to run into someone from my past. I ran into one person already. I don't know if I'll be able to handle running into someone else, but I have an eerie feeling that is exactly what's going to happen.

The whole time I'm walking I'm looking at the floor. One reason is that I'm trying to hide my face, and another reason being I'm still clumsy and I have a tendency to watch where I step. When I finally look up, I can't believe where I'm standing. At the top of the stairs that lead to Topanga's, my mom's café. I haven't been here in years. When I'm here, I usually don't leave the apartment. So yeah, I haven't been here in years.

Against my better judgement I take the steps down. One step at a time, and I can feel nervous building inside the pit of my stomach. Why? I have no idea. That is until I'm at the bottom of the stairs standing in front of the window that peers into the café. It still looks the same. My mom was never susceptible to change. I wanted to walk in, but something stopped me. I see a group of three guys sitting at a booth. Two backs are facing me, and one is facing me.

I looked longer than I should have because a pair of blue eyes lock onto my stare. I see him make a movement to stand up and without a second thought I hurry up the stairs. I wasn't fast enough.

"Riley?" I want to ignore him. I really do. I try to keep walking. "Riley, I know it's you and I know you can hear me."

I turn around, "Hi, Farkle."

"It's really you! You're back." He takes a step to me reaching out his arms, but I take one back dodging his hug. I can see the smile drop from his face.

"I'm only here for a week, and then I leave."

"Maybe we can grab lunch. Catch up."

"I'm really busy."

"Oh." There is an awkward silence. "Why don't you come inside for a bit. I'm with Zay and –"

I cut him off, "I really have to go. Nice seeing you, Farkle." I give him a small smile and right before I turn around to leave I see him walk out. Lucas freaking Friar. Of course. The universe hates me

"Hey man, where did yo-" he stops mid-sentence when his gaze shifts to me. "Riley?"

"Yes, it's me! Look I really have to go. Goodbye." I don't hesitant for a millisecond before I'm rushing up the stairs trying to get as far away from this place as I can.

The one place I want to retrieve to is my parents' apartment, but it's currently being held hostage by my former best friend. It shouldn't come as a surprise; it has always been like that since the moment I met her.

When I get back to the apartment building, I go to the roof instead of going inside. I don't know if Maya is still there, and I don't want to find out. This roof has always been my sanctuary. It wasn't a secret, everyone knew, but it never stopped me from running here. I think they took comfort in knowing where I was with giving me my space. That or they didn't care. One of those reasons is why no one ever came after me. Whenever I needed to get away from my life for a minute, I would come here. It was almost like the rest of the world didn't exist while I was up here. I had brought sunflowers up here to plant in the little garden that was abandoned to bring some life to the roof. I look over and I see that that they have withered away. I don't think people come up here much.

"I thought I would find you here." A voice startles me.

I turn around to see my dad walking onto the roof. "Hi dad!" I waste no time in throwing myself into my dad's arms. I've always been a daddy's girl. He is the one person I miss the most.

He pulls away and looks down at me, "I heard what happened. Are you okay?" I nod. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I clear my throat trying to hide the fact that my voice is breaking because I'm fighting back tears. "So, how have you been dad? How's the new job as principal?"

"I'm doing really good. As for the job, I love it. I feel like I'm making a difference in more students lives other than the ones I teach. Oh gosh, now I'm really Mr. Feeney." He lets out a laugh and so do I. "How is everything going in Seattle?"

"Everything is fine."

"Just fine, nothing exciting"

"No, why?"

"Well I don't know. Maybe I should ask Olivia Hope?"

I look at him with wide eyes, "Wh-what did you say?"

"Olivia Hope." He smiles.

"Where did you hear that name?"

He starts to laugh a little. "You accidently included me in a group email a few weeks ago signed Olivia Hope. I did some digging around. Found out my daughter is the famous creator of the website HopeInTheSky." He looks at me waiting for a response, but I don't say anything. "Riley, how come you never said anything? You sole handedly created this website that is worth millions now. "

I blink a couple of times before I manage to let words out. "Does mom know?"

"She doesn't. I didn't tell her. You kept it a secret for a reason. I wanted to respect that, but now that you know I know I do want to tell- "  
"No!" I cut him off. "Please, just keep this between us. She'll ask questions, push for answers. You know how she is."

He puts a comforting arm around my shoulder, "She worries about you. She thinks the worst things possible ever since you dropped out of college half way through your sophomore year. Then you tell us you were working for a website a few months after that, when in reality you were running and managing the website. I just want to ease her mind."

I look at him. He can't be serious, but he is. "If I don't tell her, you'll just tell her anyway won't you?" I ask and a smirk spreads across his lips. "Okay you can tell her, but not until I'm back in Seattle. I don't want to be here for the integration."

He holds he hand out, "Deal." I take his hand and shake it.

"You are only 22 years old and you're so successful. How did all that happen?"

I take in a deep breath, "To be honest it started as a personal blog in the beginning of my sophomore year. A place I needed to let everything out. Soon I was getting asked advice from people who were in similar situation. I didn't want people to know who I was, so I came up with an alias. It became a lot bigger than I had anticipated and caught the attention of some pretty rich people who wanted to endorse it. They paid for me to rent out a building, but I couldn't do it all on my own. I hired some people. That was probably the hardest part. I had to make sure they were the right people from different walks of life, so I had diversity. I was so picky. It took me a month to hire the handful of people I have now. They are probably some of the best people that I know." My dad doesn't say anything; he just stares at me. "Do I have something on my face?"

He shakes his head and smiles at me, "You found your calling in life. I see the passion on your face. I'm so proud of you."

I can't help the smile that spreads across my face, "Thanks dad."

"I'm going to head inside. You come when you're ready." I nod and watch him walk in.

After my dad left the roof, my curiosity gets to me and I pull out my phone to look for the email that I sent my dad. Well, at least I know why Cory Martinez was late to the meeting that day. My dad got the email instead of him. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I had kept it a secret for years and to finally let someone in on it, felt like a relief. I'm just glad my dad is waiting until I leave to tell my mom.

I spend about another hour on the before I thought I was in the clear to go back to the apartment without running into Maya. I was wrong.

I walk through my door and I see Maya with my mom's arm draped across her shoulder. They are to consumed into their conversation to realize my presents in the room. Hello déjà vu. I close the door as quietly as I came in hopes of escaping to my room. That was quickly demolished when Auggie barges in and makes his presents known.

Maya looks at me, and I can see her red puffy eyes. "Riles, can w-"

I cut her off, "Riley. You don't get to call me Riles anymore, and no we can't talk."

"Please. I owe you an apologize." I roll my eyes. She can't be serious right now. "Please Riley." She begs.

"I'm going to my room." I walk up the stairs to my room. I just want to be alone, but I don't get that.

I don't even reach my door before I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Please be Auggie. I turn around and come face to face with the blonde hair blue eye beauty. She really had the audacity to follow me up here. I ignore her and keep walking to my room.

I'm about to close my door when a foot stops it. "Maya, please just go away."

"Not until you hear me out."

"Hear you out! You can't be serious right now?!"

"Please Riley just listen to me." I see tears run down her cheek. I almost want to grab her and pull her into my arms, but then I remembered what happened.

"Maya leave me alone."

"Not until I apol-"

I've had enough, I stop her, "You want to apologize for what Maya?! For kissing Lucas and telling him to leave me when you knew I was-" I stop myself, " You not only hurt me, but you destroyed Zay. Just forget. Save it I don't want to hear it."

"Riles, I-"

"Riley."

"Riley, I had my reasons. Just please let me explain." She tries to make her way into my room, but I stop her. "Please, I've lived with guilt for the past five years because I hurt you. I tried to find you, but you disappeared completely. Your mom wouldn't even tell me where you were."

"Wow, for once she chose me over you."

"Riley, you are still my best friend and my-"

"Yeah, you really showed that." I look down and something shiny catches my eye. I see a diamond engagement ring on her finger. "I hope you and Lucas are happy together." I gesture to her hand.

"Actually, I'm engaged to Zay." That catches me by surprise.

"I don't understand how that even happen after everything, but congratulations." I say with a hint of sarcasm.

"If you let me explain, you'll understand everything. I did it for you. I need you in my life, but in order for that to happen I need you to listen so you can forgive me."

"Maya, I do want to forgive." I see her eyes light up, "but I also want to forgot you." And the light quickly fades. "Just please, leave me alone." I close the door not wanting to hear anything else. Not even a minute later, there is knock at my door. "Just leave Maya!" I shout.

"It's not Maya." I hear my mom's voice call out from the other side of the door.

"Come in."

I walk over to sit at the bay window, and my mom follows suit. "I think you need to hear what Maya has to say."

I laugh, "Are you serious?" I look at her, "You are! Get out." I point to the door.

"There is a lot you don't know."

"Yeah. They also had the two weeks between prom and graduation to explain, but they didn't. If you are going to sit here and defend any of them to me, you can leave please. You knew everything that happened," all but one thing. "You held me while I cried during those two weeks. You saw how broken I was, but you want to know what I remember most."

"What?"

I feel the burning in my nose and the tears in my eyes, "That whenever Maya needed you and you were comforting me, you would rush to her side." My mom doesn't even look at me. She tries to hug me. "Don't, just leave." She turns on her heels to the door, but I stop her. "One quick question." She just nods her head. "Your vow renewal, who did you invite?"

"Everyone."

Whether I wanted to or not, before this trip was over I was going to face people from the past I wanted to leave there. I have a feeling a lot of things are going to come over. A lot on their end, but mainly secrets on my end.


	3. 3

The next two days go by without a hitch. No unwanted visitors. No unwanted conversations. That's probably because I stick to my usually routine while I'm in New York. Confine in the walls of this apartment besides the time I go to the gym to release some of the rage that's been building inside of me since my encounter with Maya.

It was two in the afternoon, and I've been bumming it all morning watching a marathon of Project Runway. This is something I don't normally have time to do, but when I do I take advantage. Both my parents are at work. Auggie is at school, and I'm enjoying this time by myself in the quiet. That was before my solitude was interrupted by my phone ringing.

 _ **Hello?**_

 _Riley, It's Erica._

 _ **Hey Erica. Why are you calling, everything alright?**_

 _Yeah, well actually one of the endorsers want to meet with you. Something about concerns that they have with the website. I told them that it wasn't a possibility this week since you are New York, but they said that was perfect._

 _ **Who was it?**_

 _That's the thing. They didn't say._

 _ **I know who it is. Thanks Erica. I'll take care of it. Is everything running smoothly over there, no problems?**_

 _Everything is fine. I was actually going to start replying to some emails here._

 _ **Well, I won't keep you any longer. I'll see you Monday.**_

I hang up the phone, turn off the TV, and maneuver to the kitchen to wash my bowl. I guess today I'm actually going to have to leave the apartment. I go up the restroom and start the shower. I try to waste as much time as I can in the shower. Trying to present the inevitable. I decide to finally get out. I wrap a towel around my body and towel dry my hair, then I make my way to my bedroom. I really don't want to leave, but I don't have much of a choice.

I lay it out a pair of black leggings, a white V-neck, a jean jacket, a black scarf with black booties on my bed and walk over to my vanity. It's still surrounded by pictures. There is a reason why I haven't taken them down. Right? I guess maybe I still have a little bit of hope that someday everything could go back to somewhat normal.

I snap out of my daze and brush through my hair. I don't bother to do anything with my hair. I let my natural brown waves fall down my back. It's the longest I've ever had it, down to my waist. I apply a little bit of mascara before finally getting dressed.

I'm back on the streets of New York trying to hail down a taxi. It would be a lot easier to take the subway, but that has to many memories. I've avoided it for five years, and it's going to stay that way. After five minutes, a cab finally pulls over. I give the driver the address.

It mostly a quiet drive. I'm just thinking about how soon I'm going to somewhere I haven't been since I left. A place I never thought I would ever be again. The universe has a funny way of working doesn't it. Twenty minutes later we're is pulling up to the curb. I pull out my wallet from my black across the body purse to pay the driver. I guess this is it.

I stand in front of the beautiful house thinking if I should really be here. I have to. I don't know why I agreed to this in the very first place. It's too late to do anything about it now.

I walk to the front door and ring the doorbell. "Riley?" I'm greeted by a beautiful blonde, "Oh my it's really you!" She embraces me into tight hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm actually here to talk to-"

"Me." A voice comes from the hallway.

We both turn our attention in the direction of the voice. "Hello, Mr. Minkus. How are you?" I say.

"Riley, I've told you already call me Stuart."

I let out a light laugh and shake my head, "Of course. Sorry."

"I'm guessing this has something to do with that website of yours." Farkle's mom says. "I'll leave you two to your business thing."

I smile, "It was really great seeing you Mrs." She gives me a look and I correct myself. "Jennifer."

"You too Riley. Don't be such a stranger. We miss you around here." She turns on her heels and disappears into the house.

"Why don't you come in." Mr. Minkus opens the door welcoming me inside. I haven't been in here since high school. It takes me a second to pull myself together and walk in.

We make our way to down the hallway and into the dining room. This room is flooded with memories. Last minute tutor sessions with Farkle. Group projects. Laughter. Fun. Happiness. My favorite memory here is when the six of us were over for dinner. We were working on a group project. It was taking us longer than we thought it would. It was Zay, myself, and Lucas on side and Maya, Smackle, and Farkle directly across from us. Maya accidently flings food at Zay, and he wasn't going to let it go. He flung food right back at her, soon an all-out food fight erupted in Farkle's dining room. Afterwards we all just looked at each other, we were all covered in food. We couldn't stop the laughter that consumed us. I laughed so much I almost peed my pants. I think Zay actually did. It was a moment I knew I would remember forever.

I get pulled out of my thoughts by Farkle's dad clearing his throat. "So, you called the office today saying you had some things you wanted to discuss." I say.

"Actually, that was just a ploy to get you here."

I should have known. "Why exactly am I here?"

"Farkle told me you were in town. Asked if I can arrange something so the two of you can talk."

I can't believe this. "So you don't have an issue with the website?"

"Not at all. One of the best investments I've ever made."

I smile at him. "I do have a question." He gestures for me to continue. "How did Farkle know you would be able to arrange this? I thought we agreed that he wouldn't know about this."

"He heard me talking to you on the phone one time and went snooping around. He confronted me about it, and I told him I was investing into a website you created." Thank god my real name isn't on any of the piece I wrote or the advice I gave. "And to be perfectly clear, we agreed I wouldn't tell him where you living."

"I'm pretty sure he knows with his knowledge of technology."

"I don't." Farkle says joining us into the dining room. "Trust me I tried to find out, but you have one of the best firewalls I've ever seen." He looks at his dad, "Thank you for getting her here."

He nods his head. "I said I'd get her here. I never said she stay." Him and his loopholes. "I'm sorry, Riley."

"It's okay. It was good seeing you Mr, I mean Stuart." I watch as Mr. Minkus walks away. "Well I should be going." I move to get up, but Farkle puts his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Riley please." I look into his eyes, and they are pleading with me to stay. So I do. "I've missed you. We've all missed you."

"Didn't seem like it." I say under my breath.

"We did! I understand why you left. It was a big mess. I should have told you what was going, but I didn't even know the whole story. Even now, I feel like something is missing it doesn't make sense. I was told that it was best if you left. I only ever wanted what was best for you, so I pushed you away. I know it doesn't make up for everything, but Maya told me it-"

"Enough about Maya. I'm tired of hearing about her. Can we not talk about her? She was the one who caused this mess. Look I'm not the same person I was then. You don't know who I am now. I haven't talked to any of you since I left."

He lets out a chuckle, "That's not true."

"I don't know wh-"

I get cut off. "I know about the letters between you and Zay."

"Who else knows?" I ask hoping no one else.

"Only me. We thought it was best to keep it from Maya and Lucas. How does he not know where you live if you guys were sending letters? Who even started it?" He asks.

"I wrote him first to see how he was doing with everything. I wasn't doing good, and I needed someone. I was in a new place alone. I told him if he wanted to write me back to drop it off at my parent's house and they would make sure I got it." I see Farkle processing everything, and then I see him make a face. "What?"

He takes a deep breath. "Why turn to Zay? Why not me? I thought we were best friends."

Now I'm the one laughing, "Seriously, Farkle? You were pushing me away just as much as everyone else. I reached out to Zay because I was heartbroken, and I knew that he must have been too. It was my boyfriend and his girlfriend. I waited for you to come to my window and talk to me." I'm using everything in me to fight back the tears. "Be there for me the way you were after the whole Texas fiasco, but you never came. After prom, you talked to me once and that was to tell me to leave New York. The only people who tried to really talk to me were the two people I didn't want to talk to. I needed you Farkle, instead you abandoned me. I was alone and broken." At the point, all the tears that I have help back came rushing out of my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Riley!" He engulfs me into a hug, and I'm holding on for dear life. "I didn't mean to hurt you so badly. I should have never shut you out." He whispers near my ear.

I slowly pull away from him. "I really want to forgive you, but I just need some time."

"I understand." If I wanted to forgive anybody, it was Farkle. I hear footsteps behind me.

"Bubbles?" I quickly wipe my face clean before I turn around.

"Hi, Smackle." I smile at the genius brunette. She never did anything wrong. It was just easier to cut everyone off.

She looks a Farkle, "She's really here right? I'm not just imaging it."

"She's really here." Farkle assures her.

I smile at the both of them. "It's nice to see you two still together. If anybody were the next Cory and Topanga, it was the two of you." I watch as the both gaze into each other's eyes. I can feel the love radiating off of them.

Smackle breaks her gaze from Farkle and looks at me. "Are you staying? The others will be here soon."

"Others?"

"Yeah. Maya, Zay and Lucas."

"No, I actually think I'm going to go home. See if my mom needs help with any last minute details." I knew see didn't, but I needed a reason to get out of there. "You two are going?" The both nod. "Well I guess I'll see the two of you on Saturday." I wave goodbye and rush to the front door hoping to leave before any of the three got there, but just like the rest of this trip luck was not on my side.

I open the front door to someone mid knock. I know who it is. I can smell is cologne; he still wears the same one. I try to keep my gaze on the floor knowing if I look up it'll be like I just stared into Medusa's eyes and turn into a statue and be stuck where I stand. Against my better judgment I look up anyway, and I'm met with the green eyes that I have always had a hold on me. There I am frozen, face to face with one of the people I had fallen in love with.

"Hi." Escapes from Lucas' lips.

Don't say it. Don't say it. "Hi." The word just flew out of my mouth. It was instinctual. I see the corners of his lips lift a little into a smirk. I shake my head to pull myself out of the hypnotizing stare. "I have to go." I brush past him.

"Riley, wait." I don't turn around, even though everything is telling me to. I just keep walking trying to get as far away from him as possible.


	4. 4

I thought walking home would do me some good. I thought it would clear my head, but it didn't. Instead for the hour walk, I felt a mixture of feelings thinking he would come over me. He didn't, and if I'm being honest I was a little bit disappointed.

Relief washing through me as soon as I close the front door behind me shutting out the outside world. I push my back against the door and let out a deep breath that releases the anxiousness that built up inside of me.

"Where are you coming from?" My dad's voice causes me to jump throwing my head back and hitting it on the door.

"Ow." I rub my head while I walk to the couch to sit down next to him. "I had to go meet with an endorser to discuss things with the website." I realize what I said and look around.

"It's just me. No need to worry." Thank god. "How did it go?"

I inhale, "Well, let's just say I was ambushed."

"Ambushed?"

My dad around knows about the website, might as well tell him where I get some of my help from. "Yeah, one of the endorsers is actually Mr. Minkus."

I see my dad putting the pieces together. "Let me guess, he actually called you over there to talk to Farkle?"

"Bingo."

He hesitates a little, "You haven't talked to him or the others since you left, well besides Zay. Why did you stop the letter with him?"

"Honestly, he told me that he had forgiven Maya and Lucas. I knew eventually he would try to convince me to come back. I wasn't ready for that, and I still don't think I am."

"Well, how did it go with Farkle?"

I sigh, "Better than expected I guess." I look down at my hands. "I'm actually a little tired. I think I'm just going to call it a night."

My dad laughs, "It's a little after six."

"Give me a break I had an eventful day. Where's mom and Auggie anyways?"

"Mom hit a snag in a case. She probably won't be home for a couple more hours. And Auggie is with Ava. Those two are attached at the hip." I wonder if he knows about the promise ring. It's my dad of course he knows. "You know he got her a ring." See.

I let a small smile play at my lips, "I know. He should me. It's a beautiful ring. Has mom warmed up to the idea of Ava yet?"

"Your mom and Ava have one of those relationships where they live to annoy each other, but they really love each other." He laughs, "They're Topi and Ava."

"That they are." I smile and look at my dad, "Are you excited for Saturday?" I ask him.

"Of course, it's like marrying your mother all over again. Plus, you and Auggie will be there." He turns he head away from me. "I'm sorry I didn't warn you that your mom and I invited everyone."

"Why did you guys?" Curiosity showing through my voice.

"Well," he clears his throat, "they've always been here. Farkle and Smackle both stayed close and went to Columbia. Maya and Zay went to NYU, but Lucas he was the only one to leave. He went to Texas A&M after a semester off. No matter what, at least one of them would ask about you monthly. It was like clockwork." They did? "Your mom and I never told you because you wanted to cut all ties with them. They just wanted to make sure you were safe wherever it is that you were." He lets out a chuckle. "Farkle went as far as trying to bribe us for your whereabouts."

"He did?"

"Yeah, they all did something to try to get us to tell them. I almost told. Lucas-"

I cut him off, I didn't want to hear about him. "Dad I'm really tired. I'm going to go to bed." I reach over and hug him. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Riley." He places a kiss on my forehead. I saunter up the stair to my room.

Once in my room, I gravitate to the prom picture on the bedside table. The same one I always get lost in. But this time I have a fresh image of Lucas in my mind with the conversation with Farkle lingering in the back. Pieces of the story are missing and I'm pretty he has the pieces that I'm missing and I most definitely have the pieces he is missing. Right now all I can think about is prom night, and I can't stop the memory from playing in my head.

 _We're all sitting around the table wrapped into out significant over. Farkle and Smackle are lost into each other eyes. Maya and Zay are completely smitten with each other, and Lucas and I deep into conversation. I think right now would be a good time to tell him, but I stop myself when I hear thinking out loud playing; our song._

 _Lucas gives me a coy smile holding out his hand, "Shall we?"_

 _I take his hand, "We shall." He leads me to the dance floor. His places his hands on my waist and I wrapped my arms around his neck as we start swaying to the music._

 _Lucas stares into my eyes. "You look so beautiful tonight Riley. I mean you look beautiful every day, but tonight you look wow." Lucas looks at me with a smile you could see from a mile away. It makes my heart race._

" _I always wanted to look wow." I laugh. "How did I get this lucky?"_

" _HA! I'm the lucky one. I'm here with the most beautiful girl." He gestures to the gym of people, "Everyone here is jealous." I roll my eyes. "I'm serious Riley. You are so beautiful." He cresses my cheek. "I love you."_

" _I love you, too, Lucas." I place a soft, but passionate kiss on his lips. It sends a swarm of butterflies in my stomach._

 _The rest of the song we spend swaying and gazing into each other's eyes. I feel like the luckiest girl in this world. Nothing can stop me from loving him. We are strong enough to handle anything. Even the secret I'm holding. I want to tell him, but not tonight. Tonight, I want to enjoy this magical night that I've waited for._

 _The song finally ends, and we make our way back to the table. As we walk through the crowd, classmate after classmate come up to Lucas and whispers something loud enough just so that Lucas is the only one who can hear._

 _Lucas turns to me, "I'll be right back. I'll have to take care of something."_

" _Is everything okay?" I ask concerned._

 _He nods, "Yeah. I'll come find you when I'm done."_

" _Okay." He pulls me into a kiss with so much love I can feel it in my toes._

 _I watch him walk away and continue on my way when I'm stopped by a bubbly blonde._

" _RILEY! You have to come take pictures with me and Sarah in the photo booth." Darby says, but she is already pulling me behind her._

 _A small laugh escapes my lips, "Okay."_

 _We get to the photo booth and to my surprise there isn't much of a line. Some minutes go by before it's finally our turn. We walk over to the table props. Darby picks up a mustache that has a stick attached to it, so she can hold it up. Sarah picks up a pick tiara that compliments her white tulle short dress, and I pick oversize sunglasses because I thought they looked fun._

 _The three of us squeeze our way into the booth. "Okay the first one funny faces!" Darby commands._

 _Flash._

" _Now duck lips!" Sarah says._

 _Flash._

" _Now a nice smile." I say._

 _Flash._

 _It's the last picture and we all exchange looks and laugh. "Funny faces." We say in unison._

 _Flash._

 _We spend a few more minutes taking pictures trying out all the different props there are. I lost count of the number of pictures we've taken. We make our way out of the booth and wait for the pictures to finish printing out._

" _These came out great! Here look." Sarah hand me strip after strip of the picture we took._

" _This one is my favorite." Darby says._

" _Yeah I like this one." Sarah says looking down at the strip._

" _That was fun. I have to go get Lucas and Maya." I hold up the strip of photos in my hand. "Is it okay if I keep this one?" They both nod._

 _I push my way through the crowd trying to get back to the table hoping Lucas is there, but when I get to the table no one there. I look around the gym and see Smackle and Farkle on the dance floor tangled up in each other's arms to a fast pace song. My eyes continue to scan the room and I see Zay by the punch bowl talking Dave. I keep looking around the room trying to find Lucas, but nothing._

 _Yogi walks by, "Hey, have you seen Lucas?"_

" _Yeah I think I saw him walk to the bathroom in the hallway."_

" _Okay. Thank you."_

" _And have you seen Darby? I kind of lost her." Yogi lets out a nervous laugh._

" _I was just with her and Sarah at the photo booth." He gives me a quick head nod before pushing his way through the crowd._

 _I head to the door that leads to the hallway. Two voices catch my attention. Two voices that I know like the back of my hand. Two voices who have always been there is sooth me._

 _I stopped in my tracks when I hear what Maya said. I must have heard wrong, but I didn't. I hide in the corner behind the lockers making sure they can't see me._

" _Please leave Riley." I hear Maya's voice pleading with Lucas, my boyfriend._

" _Maya stop. I'm-"_

 _Maya cuts him off. "Lucas. Please." How can she do this to me. "You once said that you could never hurt me. You being with Riley will eventually hurt me because I know it'll hurt her." How will it hurt me? I have to know. I slowly move my head out so I can see them. My eyes lock with Maya's. I know she sees me, and judging by the look in her eyes she knows I heard. I'm about to step out when she does the unthinkable._

 _She grabs Lucas by his shirt the way she's always done and plants a kiss right on his lights. I watch as she pulls away and looks him square in the eyes. I hear her mumble, "Please."_

 _My heart feels my it just got ran over by a bus. My vision starts to blur with the tears forming in my eyes. The amount of betrayal I feel right now is unreal. How can my best friend, basically, sister do that to me? She looked me right in the eyes before she kissed him. That is no friend let alone best friend._

 _What hurts most is Lucas didn't do anything to stop her. He didn't pull away he waited until she did. I really believed him when he said that he loves me. I need to get out of here the tears fought their way through and I can't stop them._

 _I turn on my heels to go back into the gym to get my stuff that I left at the table. When I bump into Zay, "Hey," he looks at me, "are you alright?"_

" _I-I-I'm fine." I wipe my tears away, but that doesn't do any good because I can't stop them from coming._

" _No you aren't what happened? Do I need to go get Lucas?" I shake my head, if only he knew. "If you don't tell me, I'm going to get him."_

 _I snap at him, "You want to get him. Fine he's probably still in the hallway with Maya connected to his lips."_

" _Wh-what?"_

" _Maya ki-kissed Lu-Lucas, my Lucas, right now." I look at him and he is as stunned as I was. "I-I'm getting my stuff a-and I'm going home." He walks away from me, but instead of going through the door that leads to the hallway he goes through the one that leads outside._

 _I finally reach the table. Smackle and Farkle are still dancing. There's no reason to ruin their night too by dragging them into the drama. I turn around to leave when a pair of green eyes are locked on me._

" _Sorry I t-"_

" _I saw what happened Lucas." I stop him mid-sentence._

" _Saw what?"_

" _I SAW YOU WITH MAYA!" I all but shout. If the music wasn't so loud, all eyes would be on us. "I'm leaving Lucas."_

" _I can explain. Just give me a minute. I know-"_

" _Save it! Leave me alone. It's over!" I hold in my tears until I'm out in the hallway. It was the closest door to me and I had to get away from Lucas. I finally let the tears fall freely._

" _Riles?" I don't turn around I know who it is. She's the only one to call me that. "I can explain if you let me."_

 _I brush my hand across my face before I turn around. "How can you do that to me!" I yell. "Especially when you know that I'm," I pause, "that I'm pregnant." I look around, good we're alone._

 _Maya's eyes are glossed over with tears, "I did it because you are pregnant. He's got into-"_

" _I don't want to hear it! Don't ever talk to me again!" I let the words come crashing out of my mouth._

 _There's silence between us, but it's broken when we hear the principle from the gym announcing prom king and queen. "And for your prom queen," pause, "RILEY MATTHEWS!" I hear the cheering, but that's the last thing I want to be doing right now if cheering that I won._

" _You won." Maya whispers._

" _Yeah, do you want it? I mean since you take everything else that is mine." I turn to walk away, but she grabs my arm._

" _Riles."_

 _I yank my arm from her grasp. "I mean it Maya I never want to talk to you again." I turn towards the door and I walk out of the school._

 _I don't know exactly know how I got home. After I left the high school, it was all a daze. When I get inside, I see my mom sitting on the couch by herself looking through files. I must have startled her when I closed the door because I see her jump._

" _Riley, I wasn't-" her eyes finally reach my face, "What happened?" She rushes over to and hold me close to her._

 _I tell here everything that transpired tonight. Not leaving everything out. I have to stop a couple of times because I can't stop the tears from spilling out. I'm trembling as my mom hold me. "I told them both that I don't want to talk to either one of them. I lost my boyfriend and my best friend tonight." I look at my mom._

" _Maya had to have a reason why she did what she did. Did you talk to her?" Is she serious right now? "I mean Maya wouldn't just do that. I don't see it. Something must be wrong."_

 _I couldn't take it anymore, I snapped. "Are you fucking serious mom?" That was the first time I ever cursed at my mom and in front of my mom. I push away from her, "I'm here crying my heart out to you, and all you seem to care about is why Maya did it."_

" _Riley, I'm sorry. I know you got your heart broken tonight." She steps to me, but I take one back._

" _I'm going to bed. I'm sure Maya will be over trying to talk to me. You can talk to her then, but please do one thing for me and don't let her near me." I watch as guilt washing over her face, but I don't care. I'm tired of always coming after Maya._

 _I go to my room and the first thing I do is make sure my bay window in locked. Tonight started so great I don't know why it ended this horrible. I unzip my dress and let it fall to the floor. I move around my room to my dresser to get clothes to sleep it. I slip on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Without even thinking, I reach for Lucas' sweater the way I do every night and I lose it. I drop to the ground and hold it against my body._

 _I start sobbing and it's not stopping. My breath is getting stuck in my throat because I can't stop. It's really over. I hold my hand over my stomach, "It's just you and me now. No matter what I'll love you." I'm trapped in a nightmare._

 _An alert on my phone gets my attention. I'm hoping it's Lucas or Maya telling me it was just an allusion they created and it didn't really happen. It's not. It's a text from Farkle._

 _Farkle  
_ _ **Maya told me what happened. Maybe it's a good thing this happened. Now you don't have anything holding you back from going to Berkeley. Get as far as way from here as possible.**_

" _Unbelievable," is the only thing I can utter before I'm throwing my phone across my room._

I pull myself out of the memory. I'm curled up in a ball on my bed. This trip has brought nothing but heartache and tears. I fall asleep crying, the same way I did on prom night.


	5. 5

I don't wake up until noon the next morning. I feel my eyes swollen from all the crying. I pull myself out of bed and find myself moving to my bathroom. I look at myself as I stand in front of the mirror. My hair is a mess, and I see just how swollen the area under my eyes are. It's been worse. They should be better after a warm shower.

After twenty minutes in the shower, I get out. I wrap a towel around my body and hair. I look in the mirror, and just as I thought, the swelling went down. Prom night is still fresh in my mind. Usually when I remember it to the full extent, it stays there for a few days. Along with the pain. I really believed Lucas Friar was my person and a part of me still believes that even after everything that happened.

"Riley?" A knock at the door gets my attention.

"Yeah, hang on." I hurriedly throw on the clothes that I have brought with in the bathroom. I move the door to open it. "Mom, what are you doing home?"

"I forgot some paperwork. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"I can see it in your eyes. Come here." My mom wraps me into my arms and I melt into them. No matter what issues we have, she has the motherly touch. That magic touch that makes everything okay, at least for a little bit. "Your father told me you saw Farkle yesterday. I guessing it didn't go that great."

I try to laugh to cover the fact that I'm fighting back the urge to cry. "I miss them, mom! All of them. I want to hate the two of them, believe me I do. Instead, I find myself want to call them when something good happens or when something horrible happens." By this point I'm sobbing, and my mom is still holding me. "When Maya walked in, my first instinct was to march right over and slap her right across her face. But then I wanted to pull her in and never let her go." I take a deep breath. "When I saw Lucas and those damn eyes of his, I wanted to leap into his arms and hold him as tight as I can. It scared me because as soon as I looked into his eyes I knew that I had already forgiven him. What's wrong with me mom?"

My mom grabs my face and wipes my tears away with her thumps. "Oh honey, there isn't anything wrong with you. You miss them, but you are still hurting. You have to worry about yourself right now. Yes, years have passed, but there is no measure on time to says this is how long you can be hurt for. You need to fully heal and until that time comes they just all have to wait."

"Thanks mom."

My mom holds me for a moment longer. "I am so sorry, Riley."

"For what?"

"Everything. I haven't been the best mom to you in the past years. I'm especially sorry about how insensitive I was to you that night. It was the night that broke you and I wasn't there." I see tears fall from her eyes, and now it's my turn to wipe them away. "I just assumed that you were going to be okay. I never saw you as anything but a strong person. You're my daughter after all." We both laugh.

"You have always been so good at masking how you really feel, and if you felt like you were getting too much attention. You felt guilty." How could she know that? "I'm your mother. I know my daughter, or at least I like to think I do." She smiles at me. "I know you don't need me now that you are an adult, but I want you to know that I will always be here for you."

"Mom, I'm always going to need you. You're my mom."

She holds me for a moment longer, "I have to go back to work, but how about I come home early. You, me, your dad, and Auggie all go out for a family dinner."

I really didn't want to leave the apartment. "Or how about I cook dinner here."

"Your famous lasagna? We have everything in the kitchen. I was hoping while you were here, you would make it."

"Of course. I'll have dinner ready by six."

"Great." My mom walks to door, "I love you."

"I love you too."

I move to get my laptop from the top of my desk. I swore off work this week. Even though, it really doesn't feel like work because I love it. I still oblige by the rule that I made. So instead of usually my laptop for the work, the way it's normally used for, right now it's going to be used to binge watch Grey's Anatomy. I swear I'm not this lazy, but here in New York it's the only thing I can really do when I barricade myself in this building.

I watch episode after episode. It had to stop binge watching any show once you start. When I finally decide to look at the clock it reads 4:12. I guess time really did get away from me. I barely have enough time to hopefully get it done by six. I throw my hair in a messy ponytail and head to the kitchen.

I place the ground beef in a pan to cook, while I put the water in a pot to boil for the pasta. I move around the kitchen gathering the rest of the ingredients I need. I've been making this since I was a junior in high school.

The first person I ever made it for was Lucas. I wanted to do something nice for him for our anniversary. He bragged about to our friends, and the begged me to make it. They loved it. I continue to move about the kitchen when a knock at the door pulls me away.

Don't let it be Maya or Lucas. I'm not ready. I know I shouldn't be surprise, but I am when I come face to face with Zay when I open the door. "Sugar!" He doesn't waste any time in pushing his way him and hugging me. I can't stop the laugh that escapes from my lips.

"Hey Zay! How did you get in? I didn't buzz you in."

He smirks, "I have my ways. I heard you were in town. I had to come see you. How have you been?"

"I'm doing okay." I walk back to the kitchen and Zay follows sitting down at the kitchen table.

"I see you're making that amazing dish of yours."

"Yeah a much needed family dinner tonight."

I see him swift uncomfortably. "Really, how are you?"

"I've been better." I stay focus on the task at hand trying to avoid eye contact. "Zay, can I you something?"

"Anything."

"How were you able to forgive them? You know Maya and Lucas after what they did, how were you able to move one with it and propose to her?" I ask a little nervous. I'm not sure if I'm crossing over any lines.

"I'm guessing that's why you stopped writing me and hand your parents refuse to take any of my letters." I look at him shocked, but before I can ask how he came up with that conclusion he continues. "You would do anything to make people happy. I know you, Riley. If I pleaded with you to come back, you would have. Not right away, but eventually you would have. Maybe it's a good thing you didn't. You are obviously still hurt." I let out a sigh. I still haven't turned around to look at him as I'm too busy cooking.

"I'm sorry." I did feel bad for just cutting off communication with him.

"Don't be. I understood. As for why I forgave them. It wasn't easy. I gave them the cold shoulder the both of them. But Farkle had enough with splitting his time between the three of us. He locked the three of us in a room in that huge house of his and wouldn't let us out until we talked. Trust me there was a lot of yelling even some crying, but when I finally listened to Maya explain. I understood. I thought it was idiotic, but I understood."

He takes a deep breath and then lets it out. "If I'm being honest here, what happened between Maya and Lucas was completely all Maya. She thought you would be better off without him because of stuff he was into."

I let out a frustrated sigh, "Can you stop tip toeing around the reason and tell me. Farkle won't tell me. Can you at least tell me please?" I look down at my almost finish lasagna. "I'll give you some."

"You don't fight fair Matthews." He laughs. "As much as I want to tell you, I think Maya needs to explain her part and Lucas his."

"I guess I respect that." The oven beeps telling me it's done preheating, ready to finish cooking the dish.

"Can I still have some of that?" He waves his finger around.

"If there are leftovers, but with my savage family I don't think there will be. Maybe next time." He was about to speak, but is cut off by my dad walking in.

"Smells great. I haven't had that since that last time we went out to visit you." He looks at Zay shocked to see him. "Hello, Zay."

"Hey Mr. Matthews. How is it hanging out with teenagers all day?"

"It keeps me young." My dad looks at me. "Your mom should be home soon with Auggie. Are you staying too Zay?"

"I was actually on my way out." He stands up and glides towards me and one again his arms are around me. "Just maybe consider hearing them out. It might just be what you need to move on." He whispers low enough for me to hear. He moves to my dad shakes his hand and then he's gone.

I watch as my dad moves up the stairs as I set the table.

As soon as my mom and Auggie get home, Auggie wastes no time rushing to the table. "Yes! You're lasagna! This might be the only reason why I miss you."

"HA HA very funny. I know you miss me." I say placing a plate in front of him.

When both my parents finally take their normal seats, I place a plate in front of each of my parents before taking my seat across from my mom.

"This is nice." My mom speaks. "Having all of us together."

"I miss you guys so much when I'm away."

"You can always move back." My dad teases.

"Yeah. If it means more lasagna I'm all for it." Auggie says with a mouth full of food.

We keeping talking throughout dinner. We all go around the table talking about our days. There isn't a silent moment. Laughter feels the room and for the first time in a really long time I feel at peace.

I really do miss this, but I can't leave Seattle to come back for a particular reason. It's been my home for the past five years. It's where I escaped to when everyone thought I was going to Berkeley, when I really went Seattle University. The five of them didn't even know I applied there, and that's why they didn't know where to find me.

There is a knock at the door, and my mom us the one to get up to answer it. She opens the door to the point where you can't see inside. My body tenses at the sound of her voice.

"I really need to talk to Riley?" I hear her say.

"Right now isn't a good time."

"Please Topanga. I haven't seen her in years. I miss her." I turn around in my seat, so not I'm facing the door. Please don't give in. "It'll be quick I promise." I hear Maya's voice start to break and I almost jump up wanting to comfort her.

Maya finally realized that my mom wasn't going to budge, but that didn't stop her. Maya pushes her way through, but stops mid-step when her eyes meet mine.

"Riley!" She makes a movement towards me. "I really need to talk to you, and I know that you said that you never wanted to speak to me again but please! I did it to protect you. It was for you." She cries. "If you let me explain, may-"

I don't let her finish. "Maya can you just go." I'm fighting back tears.

"I just need you to know why I did it. I never wanted to hurt you. You're my sister."

I shake my head and my vision is blurred. I want to speak, but if I do I know the tears will fall.

"Maya, you need to leave." My mom says holding the front door open, but Maya doesn't make any movement towards it. She just stares at me. "Now. Don't make it harder than what it is. Riley is hurting enough."

I watch Maya become uncomfortable. She takes a few steps towards the door and turns around. "You are going to know the truth before you leave." She walks about and my mom closes the door behind her.

I waste no time in rushing into my mom's arms. She runs her fingers through my hair. "Thank you for putting me first." I say letting a few tears fall.

"Don't thank me for something I should be doing. You're my daughter." She says wiping my tears, and I can't but hug her tighter. This is all I ever wanted from her.


	6. 6

**_Trigger warning: Talks about what happened with Riley's pregnancy._**

* * *

Today is the whole reason I came to New York for the week, my parent's vow renewal. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know for sure I'm going to see everyone today. It scares me. I've spent so many years hiding, and now they all know exactly where I'm going to be tonight because they'll be there too.

My mom barged in my room at six in the morning basically dragging me out of my bed. She made breakfast while I took a shower, when I finally got out and went down stairs breakfast was waiting for me on the kitchen table.

"Why does Auggie still get to sleep?" I say yawning.

"Because he's more help sleeping. He'll just get in the way."

"Well isn't he lucky. What about dad?"

"I thought I'd be nice and let him sleep a little longer."

"Well what do you need me to do? I'm here to help" I say before biting into a piece of toast.

My mom smiles, "Nothing. I just wanted you to come with me to the salon, get pampered. I made calls yesterday while I was at work, so I wouldn't have to stress about it today. I know everything doesn't start to much later today, but you leave tomorrow and I wanted to spend as much time as I can with you as possible."

"Aw mom!" I rush over to her and hug her. "That's why I'm the only one up?"

"I just wanted you to myself for a little bit. Now finish up and get dressed, so we can get started with our morning."

My mom and I leave the apartment a little after nine and make our way to the salon. The time alone with my mom is something much needed for the both of us. I never realized how much I missed doing little things like this with my mom. The only difference now is, now I don't have to share her with Maya.

When we finally get the salon, I watch as my mom makes her way to the counter to check into her appointment. I told her today was just about her, and that I didn't need any treatment today. She does so much for everyone every day, one day can be just about her.

They take my mom to a chair, since there was no one in the chair next to her I take it. I watch as my mom tells the hairdresser exactly what she wants, and she's very adamant on what she wants no matter what is suggested to her.

"Are you nervous out at for today mom?"

She lets out a small sigh, "I'd be lying if I said no. It's like I get to marry your father all over again. I'm lucky to have a love that your dad and I share. Not everyone is lucky."

"I wonder if I'll ever have that." I see my mom give me a look. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Your face tells me otherwise. What is it?"

She hesitates at first, "It nothing. You'll find it. I know you will." I tilt my head to the side. I want to let it go. I really do, but I think everyone knows by now that I have a hard time letting anything go. "You aren't going to let it go are you?" I shake my head. "I don't want to ruin the day by getting into a disagreement with you." As soon as she said that I knew what she was going to say.

"Mom, you can't ruin that day. I promise, so please tell me."

"I think you've already found that once in a lifetime love."

"With Lucas?" I say looking straight ahead. "Why?"

"For one you have not dated anyone since you left. Maybe you have, but it never turned into anything serious because you never mentioned anyone or introduced anyone to us when we visit you." I take a deep breath. I don't know if I want to hear this. "Riley, the way I catch him staring at you when you weren't looking as if you were his whole world and vice versa. When you would talk about him, your eyes would shine. Seriously you'd be able to light a dark room with them. At first I was little skeptical at first, I thought it was puppy love, but the more I watched you guys together I knew it was so much more. Why do you think your dad was always on edge around Lucas? He thought this was the boy that he was going to lose his only daughter to. I don't think I ever seen you more comfortable with yourself than when you were with him. You really lov-" She gets interrupted by her phone ringing. I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

I couldn't hear anymore. I knew she was going to say I loved Lucas, but the truth is I still do. I never stopped. It took everything in me not to come back to him. I knew he was my once in a lifetime kind of love.

My mom pulls me out of my thoughts, "That was the hall reception they want me to go down there to make sure everything is set up to my liking."

"What if I go down there for you? That way you and dad see it together. I know what it needs to look like in order to meet your expectations."

She laughs, "Are you sure?"

"Of course mom. I'm here to help." I gesture to your hair that's hair done. "Plus you still have your hair and everything else. I can take care it."

"You're the best."

I let out a light laugh, "I'll head over there right now and meet you at home, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too." I say placing a kiss on my mom's cheek.

I walk out of the salon, hoping it will be easy to catch a taxi. After about ten minutes of trying, I give up. Before I can comprehend what I have to do, I find myself moving in the direction of the subway. I don't know what to expect. I don't know if memories are going to rush to me and if I do, I don't know if I'll be able to hold it together.

When I enter the subway cart, I immediately want to run out. I try to, but I'm too late. I try to keep my focus on the task at hand. Get the hall reception, my mom needs me to do this for her. I should have just waited for a taxi. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this. It's not that I want to cry, I just feel overwhelmed. I never knew one location could have such an effect on me. I need to get off of here as soon as possible. At least my stop is the next one.

"Riley?" I turn my head in the direction the voice came from and I see the brown eyes genius smiling at me.

"Hey Smackle." I smile back. "What are you doing on the subway? I don't remember you ever riding it in high school."

"I found it's more of a convenient form of transportation."

"We all try to tell you that in high school." She brings her hand to her face to brush hair that had fall out of place. "Smackle, what's that?" I say pointing to the very noticeable diamond on her finger.

"Farkle proposed." I see a smile that I've never seen from Smackle. She is glowing with happiness.

"I'm so happy for you guys!" I say pulling her into a hug. I feel her tense up for a second, but soon she relaxes. "When did this happen? I just seen you guys and there was not a ring on that finger."

"The day that you came over, we went out to dinner that night. It was rather romantic."

"You and Farkle were made more each other." I can't help but feel a little envious. She gets to one day marry the one person she loves. "Now, you and Maya can plan for your weddings together." The subway starts to slow down.

"We all thought you and Lucas would be the first ones walking down the aisle." She says looking over at me.

I turn my head to avoid her gaze. "I thought the same things." I clear my throat and stand up as soon as the subway stops. "I'll see you later."

* * *

I hurry out of there as fast as I can. I know that Smackle didn't mean to, she sometimes doesn't know exactly what she says, but I wish sometimes she would just keep her mouth close. Now, I have images of the future Lucas and I have could have had bouncing around in my head.

By the time I get to the reception hall, I'm too distracted with the pictures of what the future could have been. I just want to get in and get out of here. When I walk into the room where the reception is going to be held, I take in the beauty of it all. I love the red and cream color scheme. It feels romantic.

"Hello, can I help you?" A red head asks as soon as she recognizes my presents.

"Hi. I'm Riley Matthews, Topanga Matthews' daughter." I say holding my hand for a hand shake that the red head accepts.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Daisy." She has a welcoming presence.

"It's beautiful for in here. My mom is going to love this."

The red head lets out a breath, "Oh good! That mother of yours is unlike anyone else we have dealt with. She has called everyday making sure nothing will go wrong."

"Sounds like my mother, but really she will love it. It's breathtaking."

* * *

As soon as I leave the building, I call my mom to let her know there is nothing to worry about because she is going to love it. She asks me if I want to go out to a quick brunch, but I tell her I have a headache and was just going to go home to take a little nap. I felt a little guilty, but I don't think I'd be able to handle it if she wanted to finish the conversation from earlier.

I'm able to get a taxi to stop, but instead of taking me home, I have them take me to Topanga's. Something was telling me I needed to be here at this moment. I wanted to ignore is, but I just can't seem to.

With each step I take down the steps, I can feel the pace in my heart beat quicken. I have this feeling for a reason, so when I reach the bottom step and find myself standing there looking in for the second time this week.

There I see the five of them sitting down in the same spots that we did in high school with my spot being empty. The café is empty besides them and the employee behind the counter lost on their phone. Everything is yelling for me to turn around and walk away, but I don't listen. When I walk inside, the first person to see me is Zay. He locks eyes with me, but before he can talk I put my finger to lips hoping he stays quiet. It's Zay though, he can't help himself.

"Hello Sunshine." He glides to me squeezes me into a hug. I look over and Maya and Lucas have gotten up with Farkle and Smackle still sitting. They all have the same look of confusion written all over their faces. "What are ya'll staring at? Me and cotton candy face talked we don't have any problems."

"Since when?" Maya says almost immediately.

"Why does it matter?" I snap.

"You won't talk to me, but you'll talk to my fiancé."

"He never did anything to me for me to not want to talk to him."

"When did you guys talk?" Lucas chimes in.

Zay looks between Maya and Lucas, "Okay don't get mad you guys, but I went to see her yesterday."

"So you guys just talked everything out and now you guys are all chummy?" Maya says sarcastically. "You guys weren't the closes when you left, but now he's the one you're closest with."

Farkle stands up, "They're a lot closer than what you think."

"Beloved let's not do that again. Remember Texas? This isn't your secret to tell." Smackle grabs his arm and pulls him back down.

"We don't lie-"

I stop Farkle, "We aren't those people anymore. People lie and if you haven't realized we aren't all friends here."

"What secret?" Lucas ask and I can tell he is trying to keep it together.

Zay and I look at each other. I can tell he wants to tell them and at this point I don't care if he tells them or not. "If you want to tell them, I don't care. I'm not going to stop you."

Zay returns his focus to Maya and Lucas. "When Riley left I got a letter from her, but it didn't exactly stop there. We were writing letter back and forth for a while."

"So you knew where she been?!" Lucas shouts stomping his way to Zay. I can see the rage building in his eyes.

I step in the middle and put my hand up stopping him. My hand comes into contact with his chest and I feel electricity shoot through my body. He looks down at me and I know he feels it too. "H-h-he didn't know where I was. He gave the letters to my parents, and they would send them to me." I stammer at first.

"I asked you over and over again if you heard anything from Riley. We both did." Maya says gesturing to herself and Lucas. "You said no. You watched the both of us cry worrying out her. Wondering if she was safe or not. When you knew all along how she was. You could have eased our minds, but you didn't. I especially needed it after I got that phone call from her a few weeks after she left!" Maya slams her hand over her mouth. She wasn't supposed to ever mention that call.

"At the time, I wanted you to suffer. I wanted you guys to both hurt for the pain you caused me, but for the pain you caused Riley. For God sake you guys made her leave the state and go into hiding all because you had an idiotic idea!" Zay snaps.

"Wait!" Lucas says a little too loud. "You called Maya, but you couldn't call me?!" I don't say anything. I can't answer that question I don't want.

The room goes quiet for a second. No one says anything. Farkle and Smackle are sitting there in their usually spots looking really uncomfortable. Lucas had taken a couple of steps back from me and is standing with his hands clenched into fists. Maya is staring at Zay, and I can see the tears building in her eyes.

"Why did you call Maya?" Lucas' tone sends a shiver down my spine. I still don't say anything.

Maya blinks a couple of times to try and push the tears back and locks eyes with me. "She called me to tell me had gotten her little problem taken care of." I give her a look. Please don't say it. Maya looks at everyone and I know she's going to say it, so I beat her to it.

"When I left, I was pregnant." I keeps my head down because I know all eyes on me. I can feel it. "I thought about it for a couple of weeks." I take a deep breath. "I need a clean break from everything here, I had an abortion." The room goes completely silent. I don't think anyone expected me to say that. "I thought I was able to trust you with one last secret. I guess I was wrong." I say as me and Maya lock eyes. I need to get out of here.

I rush out the door and up a couple of steps.

"I was going to be a dad?" I turn around and I see Lucas with tear forming in his eyes. "And you were going to be a mom?"

"I was a mom Lucas."

He looks confused. "But you said you had an abortion?"

"I know what I said. I didn't have an abortion." I can feel the tears building in my eyes seconds of way from falling.

"Where is he or she then?"

The tears are falling now. I didn't want to talk about this. Not now, not ever. "She." I take a deep breath. "S-s-she's gone." He takes a step to me, but right now I just want to be alone. I dash up the stairs leaving him behind.

I run all the way back to the apartment. I need to pull it together. Today is about my parents, I can't ruin today for them and I won't. I wipe my tear stained face clean before I reached to open the door. I spent the last years pretending I was happy, what's one more day.


	7. 7

**_trigger warning: death involving surgery_**

* * *

I'm supposed to be happy watching my parents renew their vows. Happy that the made it this long, but I'm finding it hard to even focus on the vows being exchange, when I can feel eyes glaring at the back of my head. This isn't how any of this was supposed to happen.

I turn my head slightly, so I can see Lucas' green eyes locked on me. I know I should look away because the longer I stare the deeper I'm getting drawn in.

Auggie nudges me to get my attention. "The show is up front." He whispers loud enough for me to hear. "Who are you even looking at?" He follows my stare to Lucas. "You know, maybe you should talk to him."

I don't say anything; I just give him a half smile and turn my attention back to my parents. After what Lucas found out today, I don't think I'll much of a choice to ignore him. I know he'll push his way to talk and I'll let him through. He was my weakness at one point. Who am I kidding, he still is.

I'm stuck in a daze. Maybe Auggie is right, I should just talk to him. He was never supposed to know that I was pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl. He knows the truth know. He does deserve some explanations considering the baby was his too, even though he didn't even know she existed.

My thoughts were so consumed with what exactly I'm going to tell Lucas. If I'm going to tell him everything or just the things he needed to know. That I didn't realize that the ceremony ended.

"Are you coming?" Auggie says standing in front of me. "You've been staring off into nowhere. Are you okay?"

I stand up straightening out my dress, "Yeah I'm fine. Let's go." I loop my arm through his and we make our way out of the room. I guess we were the last ones to leave.

As we move closer to the door, I see the five of them standing by there with all eyes on me yet again. I wish they didn't come, but they are here. I'll just ignore them. I don't need anything happening here to ruin the day. I already feel guilty enough by completely zoning out during the ceremony.

I see them all make a movement towards me as I inch closer to them. They aren't going to leave me alone. "I'll meet you down the hall at the reception. I have to do something okay." I say unlooping my arm from Auggie's. He looks behind me and gives me a look of worry. "I'll be okay. Just go. I'll be there in a minute."

I watch my brother walk away and I'm kind of regretting telling him to go. Now, it's just the six of us. Might as well get it over with. I take a deep breath before I turn on my heels.

"Look I know you guys want to talk, but this is not the right time to do it." I say stopping in front of them.

"Well when will be the right time?" Lucas snaps. He has every right. He has questions, and I have the answers.

"I don't know, just not here." I try to walk away, but Lucas gently grabs my wrist. "Lucas please not here."

"One minute is all I'm asking." I look into his eyes and I can see them pleading with me. I can see pain. He does deserve answers now that he knows. He turns his attention to the others. "I need a minute alone with Riley do you guys mind." Smackle and Farkle start in the direction of the reception, and Zay tries to pull Maya to go with him, but she refuses to.

"Actually, I do mind." Maya looks directly at me. "Riley, if he gets to talk to you I feel like I should get-"

"This isn't the place for this, Maya." Lucas cuts her off. "Just please go. I need a minute alone with Riley." She doesn't move. "Zay, can you please help me here?"

"You know I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do." Zay says almost jokingly. It's true though. Maya won't do anything she doesn't want to do. At least that's what I remember about her.

"She isn't going to leave, and I need to get in there." I try to pull my wrist away that Lucas has had a grip on this whole time, but he slightly tightens his hold.

"No. I need a minute." He looks at Maya, but she still isn't budging. "Dammit Maya! Just go this is so much bigger than you!" I see her jump. The hostility is his voice is hard to ignore.

"Babe, they need to talk. C'mon." Zay takes Maya's hand, she is reluctant at first, but then she slows takes a step. I see tears in her eyes, but after today at the café I don't know if I can ever forgive her.

Soon they're gone, and it's just the two of us. I manage to take my wrist back. We stand there stealing looks at each other. Neither one of us say anything, I think we are both too scared to speak. I see him open and close his mouth three different times. I know he wants to say something, but he doesn't know how to.

"What is it that you want to know exactly?" I ask him. I know the answers he wants.

"I just, what do you mean she's gone?" he chokes out the words.

I thought we would build up to this, but leave it to him to come out swinging. "I mean that-"

"Riley, dad wants you in here." Auggie cuts me off coming from the reception. He looks at Lucas, "Oh, hey Lucas."

"Hey Auggie."

He returns his attention to me, "Dad really wants us in there, so come on." He takes my arm and pulls me. I look back at Lucas.

"We'll finish later." He says loud enough for me to hear as I get pulled down the hall into the reception.

I wasn't ready to talk about it. I don't think I'll be ready. No one knows. Besides me and a few other people. Now Lucas. My own parents don't even know. I don't think I'll be able to finish having this talk later.

As I step into the reception room, I get bombarded by hugs from all my relatives. Some I haven't seen in a few years, if they aren't around when I'm down for Christmas they miss me for the year. Most of them don't even know what's going on in my life. They would be shocked to know that I dropped out of college considering I made such a big deal about getting into a good one while I was in high school.

For the first few hours, I stay close with Auggie. Partly because I'm trying to suck up as much time I have left with him, but I'm also using him as a shield. I use him to keep me away from my old friends who have not once tried to talk to me and help me avoid certain topics with family members. Whenever I get ask a question I don't want to answer. He can tell because I become tense and start to stutter. Auggie manages to deter the conversation. He has a way to distract people. It was working out great until Ava shows up.

"Riley!" She comes charging at me. "You're really here!" She pulls me into a suffocating hug.

Ava and I have become surprising close especially with me living in another state. She's like the little sister I never had. I also had to make sure she was good enough for my brother as I saw that they were getting serious. I know she can be a little over the top sometimes, but I can see how she really feels about my brother. She loves him and he loves her, and for now that is good enough for me.

I laugh, "I'm here. How have you been?" She loosens the hug to let me breath.

"Overwhelmed with school." She groans. "Your father is trying to kill us. Sorry I haven't came over to see you. Your father is trying to kill us with homework."

"I understand. School comes first."

"I know, but you leave tomorrow!"

"I'll be back in just two months for Christmas."

"Good because I miss you!" This girl starts blaring from the speakers. "I love this song! C'mon Auggie, we're gonna dance!" She drags him away from me.

"Hey you were supposed to stick by my side!"

"Sorry! Ava gets what Ava wants" He says disappearing into the crowd. Now I'm here alone.

"Can we talk now?" I turn around a bump into Lucas.

"Not now," I snap.

"I know you Riley."

"You don't know who I am anymore."

"I know you'll sneak away because you are scared. Of what, I don't know. You're leaving back to wherever it is you ran to, right?" I don't say anything. I just look down. "That's what I thought."

I take a deep breath, "I'll talk to you, just not right now."

"By the end of the night, I'm coming to find you." The way he said it sends chills down my spine. I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He walks away, and all I can think about is how can I hide from him, along with everyone else, for the rest of the night.

I make my way to the open bar. Since I can legally drink now might as well make the best of it, especially with everything that has occurred today. At least Maya has managed to leave me alone. I didn't want to cause a scene. I haven't seen Zay, Farkle, or Smackle all night either, they might be wrapped in keeping Maya away from me. Before I know it, I'm on my third drink. It does what I want it to do though, it releases some of the tension built up.

"You might want to slow down there." I hear my Grandma Amy say from behind me.

"I will I promise." I try to avoid eye contact. She has always been good at detecting when something was wrong.

"How about we go sit down, and you tell me how Seattle is?" I automatically look around to make sure no one heard. I let out a sign of relief when I don't see anyone. Even if there was someone around, the music would have made it hard to hear.

I follow her lead to a table. She takes a seat, and I follow suit. She looks out onto the dance floor, and I follow her gaze. We both stare at my parents. My mom looks beautiful and my dad looks handsome. They have the biggest smiles on their faces as they get lost in each other eyes.

"Your grandfather would have love to have been here." She drops her head.

I reach over to grab her hand, "I miss him too, every day."

My grandpa Alan died last year in the beginning of July. It was supposed to be a simple procedure, that's what the doctors kept saying. No complications were supposed to happen, but there are always risk when some goes under. Just another reason why I hate hospitals.

"I'd do anything to have one more moment with him."

"I know grandma. I can't imagine losing the love of my life. I lost my grandpa, but you lost your other half, your person." She gives me a look I don't quite understand. Did I say something wrong?

"Riley, you did lose the love of your life." What does she mean? "You don't think I didn't notice during the whole ceremony you kept stealing glances at Lucas, and his eyes never once left you. Yes, I remember him. I also remember how crazy in love you guys were, reminded me of your parents."

"We were not Cory and Topanga." I cut her off.

"No you guys weren't, but the love that you two had was just as strong. I believe it's still there if you let it be. I don't know what he did or what happened to make you want to run away, but Riley if you can get past it. Try. You have not been serious about anyone since him. I haven't seen your eyes shine the way they have tonight in a very long time, and I would bet that it's because Lucas is near." I don't say anything. "I'd do anything to have one last day with Alan, but I don't get that chance. You though, you get that chance."

"Grandma, what am I supposed to do?"

She puts her fingers under my chin and lifts my head to look at her. "You do what feels right."

My dad makes his way to us, "Mom, do you mind if I steal my daughter for a bit?"

"Of course." My grandma stands up and places a hand on my shoulder, "Remember do what feels right." She turns her attention to my dad. "Now, where's Topanga?" My dad gestures to the dance floor and my grandma glides away.

My dad takes the seat that was once occupied by my grandma. "So, what did she say that has you all rattled?"

"Dad, do you think I made a mistake when I left all those years ago?"

"I don't know; do you feel like it was a mistake?"

I sigh, "I know it was something at the time I needed." Lucas comes into my line and vision and my eyes follow him.

"You should talk to him."

"What?"

He nods his head in the direction of Lucas. "He misses you. I know I said that one of them checks in monthly, but Lucas he asks weekly about you. He did go to Texas, but transferred to Cornell to be here in New York. He said if you decided to come home, he wanted to be here. He's been waiting for you. I have to fight with myself constantly to not tell him where you are when he does ask."

"Dad, I still love him." I'm fighting the tears back.

"I know, and I know he still loves you."

"It'll never work."

He looks at me confused, "Why not?"

"There is a lot that he doesn't know. There is a lot you don't know. If I tell him, I have to tell you and mom." I take a deep breath. "I have secrets. If you really found the website, then you would know-"

"About Hope Olivia Matthews." My jaw drops. "I wanted to say something the second I found out. Yell at you for not telling me or your mom what happened. We would have helped you through everything."

I have to choke back the tears "I don't want to ask why you didn't say anything, just thank you." I throw my arms around his neck. "You didn't say anything right? To mom or Lucas?"

"I wanted to, but no. You have to be the one to tell you."

"I'll tell mom, but I have to tell Lucas first. He found out today that I was pregnant when I left. He wants to know what happens. He deserves to know." I look at Lucas and his eyes are already on me. "You think he'll hate me?"

"Lucas couldn't hate you even if he wanted to."

"I hope your right." I stand up. "If I don't talk to him now, I'll lose all courage." I give my dad hug.

I start to make my way to Lucas. He's eyes are locked on mine the whole time. It's now or never. He needs to know the truth; I have to find the strength to tell him. As I get closer with each step, the courage leaves my body. I can't do this.

I make a detour back to the bar and start drinking as fast as I can. I need to find some type of courage, even if it's liquid courage.

"Hey." I should have known he would follow me.

"Hi." I hear my words slur.

I see the smile that makes me weak play on his lips. "Hi." We just fell into our old routine. I don't say anything. I try to hide the smile consumes my lips. "You think we can talk now." I hesitate a little, but nod my head. "C'mon we can go out into the hall. It's quieter."

I follow him out into the hall. My heart is about to burst out of my chest. I'm scared he is going to hate me. I can't live in a world where Lucas Friar hates me.

"So, what did you mean she's gone? Did you mean you gave her up for adoption? Or that s-she di-died?" He stammers on the last words.

The tears start forming in my eyes, "I meant both."


	8. 8

**_trigger warning: suicide attempt, cancer, death_**

* * *

Neither one of us says anything for what feels like forever. I know he is going to want to know what happened, but I don't want to tell him I don't want to relive it. I, however, don't have much of a choice.

"I want to know everything that happened. I don't want you to hide anything." Lucas commands.

I sniffle, "It's a long story." My words slur a little. The drinks are really start to hit me.

I think Lucas noticed. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere." I nod my head and he disappears into the reception.

Maybe I should just leave. I can hide out in my parents' apartment, change my flight to first thing in the morning. He won't know where to find me. I can be gone. It'll be easy, but I won't. I can't do that to him.

"Here drink this." Lucas hands me a water bottle. "Maybe you should sober up first."

"If I sober up completely, I won't be able to tell you." He nods. "So, you want to know everything?"

"Please." I look into his eyes and I see sadness. It's been there since I told him. If I'm being honest it's been there since I saw him my first day back in front of Topanga's. The sadness is just amplified.

I walk more down the hall, trying to get as far away from reception as I can. I still don't even think I should be telling him right now, but it's now or never. I find a bench and sit down and he follows suit.

"Whenever you're ready," Lucas says.

"That's the thing I don't think I'll ever be ready." I take a swig of water. "But you need to know." I take a deep breath. "I'll start from the very beginning, from when I left."

"I was five weeks pregnant when I left. I was actually going to tell you after prom; I wanted one last day I could pretend it wasn't real. I was terrified, Lucas. I was 17, and you were 18, we were not ready to be parents. We had our lives ahead of us."

"No one knew where I went, only some family. But most importantly, no one knew I was pregnant. Well except Maya. I knew I had to tell her something, or she would run to my parents and tell them the situation I was in. They would probably force me home." I take a deep breath. "When I called to tell her I had an abortion, I was on my way to the clinic." My eyes start to water. I can't cry now I haven't even gotten to the hard part yet. "I was going to go through with it. I did need the clean break, but once I got there I couldn't go through with it."

"I glad you didn't." Lucas says quietly.

"Yeah, but sometimes I wish I did."

He looks at me shocked, "why?"

"A lot of heart ache could have been prevented." I choke back the tears that I'm not ready to let fall yet. I look over at him, and he is looking down at the floor. "When I first got to where I am living now, I didn't know anyone. I was living in a tiny studio and jobless. That wasn't how I had pictured it, but I also wasn't supposed to leave so soon. I just needed to get out of New York as soon as possible."

I look over at Lucas, who is still looking at the ground. "When I decided I was going to keep the baby, I had to look for a job. I found one pretty fast. There was a café down the street where I lived. I went in one day looking for a job. It was owned by this nice couple, Michael and Jessica. They really took a liking to me, as I did them. Once they found out I was pregnant, they just grew more protective over me. It was almost like having my parents there."

"Some strangers knew that you were pregnant, but you couldn't tell the people who love and care about you." Lucas snapped. "I would have been there if you just told me. You never gave me the opportunity."

I look down. I feel guilt pushing its way through, guilt that has always been there. "I'm sorry." He doesn't say anything. "I knew if anyone here knew, that they would push for me to come back. Lucas, if I came back nothing would have changed. I was still so mad. I had to fight with myself every day to not come back. It was always an ongoing argument with myself."

I take a sip of water, "I had to fight myself even more as I was getting closer to the due date to not call you. I wanted you there, Lucas."

"You could have had me there Riley!" He shouts standing up startling me in the process. "I would have been there if I had just known!"

By the point, a few tears have fall that I rush to wipe away. "I-I'm sorry." It comes out as a whisper.

He looks at me and takes his seat again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout."

"It' okay. You're mad. I understand. Do you want me to continue?" He nods. "I gave birth January 7, 2021. I fell in love with her instantly. She was half you, how could I not." I see a very small smile play on his lips.

"She came earlier than expected; I wasn't prepared at all. Michael and Jessica helped me with everything. They helped me baby proof the studio, helped me get everything I needed. I don't think I would have been able to do it without them." I see the smile fade and sadness take over. I know he was wishing it was him that was there, I am too.

I clear my throat, "It was winter break when I had her, so everything was easy since I was out of school at the time. But when school started and on top of working, it was too much. She was crying all the time." I choke back tears. "I relied a lot on Michael and Jessica. I didn't have really have friends. People were in college. They wanted to go out, have fun. They were finally away from their parents; they had freedom and here I was the pregnant girl."

"I tried to do everything I could. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I didn't know what I was doing. I remember one night I slept through her crying," tears start forming in my eyes. "What kind of mother doesn't wake up to their baby crying. I hadn't slept in days." Lucas reaches for my hand, but I pull away.

"I was thinking some really scary things. Things that scared myself. I just-"

"What were you thinking?" Lucas cuts me off.

I turn my head to look at him. His eyes lock on with mine. "Nothing."

"Riley, what were you thinking?"

I take a deep breath and open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I just sit there for a minute not saying anything. I can feel Lucas' eyes watching me. Finally, I open my mouth. "She was a month old. I don't know what I was thinking. It was probably because I hadn't slept in a couple of days. I had finally gotten her to sleep. I just wanted it to be over." Tears were falling freely, I hurriedly brushed them away. "That night I took a handful of pills." Lucas reaches for my hands and this time I let him. I have no control of the tears falling. I do nothing to wipe them away, instead Lucas does.

I try to compose myself before I continue. "I wasn't expecting to wake up, I mustn't have taken enough. I woke up to my, our daughter crying. I rushed to her and took her in my arms, and just cried." I started to sob and Lucas squeezed my hand tighter.

"I-I couldn't handle it. I wanted to be there for her, but I couldn't. Who knows what I would have done next to myself or her, if I became overly exhausted again. I was terrified. I talked to Jessica and Michael. I told them I couldn't do it, but I couldn't imagine a life without her in it."

"I knew giving her up for adoption was the answer, but it had to be an open adoption. It was the only way that I was able to keep her apart of my life without being fully responsible for her. I knew it was selfish, but it was the only thing I could think of." I watch as Lucas processes everything. I can't read him, not the way I use to be able to.

"I found out Jessica couldn't conceive. That is when I knew they became a part of my life for a reason. We were supposed to meet. I knew if our daughter was with them, she would be loved for and cared for. She would be treated like a princess. They would be able to give her a family; I'd be able to give them the missing piece to their family." I shouldn't have said that. I immediately saw Lucas' other hand fist up as his grip on my hand tightened.

I take a deep breath, "We went through with the adoption. The only thing I wanted was to be a part of her life, and they were okay with it. I knew there would be questions when she got older, but at the time I just wanted what was best for her and that wasn't with me." I let out a small sigh. "So by the end of February, she technically wasn't my daughter anymore." I wipe away a tear that escaped.

"It gets worst doesn't it?"

I nod, "That May, we noticed she started to get sick. We didn't think much of it at first. It seemed like your typical cold. They watched her fever to much sure it didn't get too high." My eyes are starting to water. "One night I get a call, they were taking her to the emergency room."

"I-I didn't know what to expect when I got there. Michael was in the waiting room while they were in the back. He told me that her temperature spiked and she started to throw up. We waited and waited. We just wanted to know what was wrong. When the results came back," my eyes are burning, "it was nothing what I was expecting. Sh-she had leukemia." I'm in full blown tears by this point.

Lucas pulls his hand away, and buries his face in his hands. I know why he is taking this hard. It's almost like going through it all again. "No, no." It's muffled.

"Do y-you want me t-to continue?" I stammer a little. He nods, I finish the rest of the water left before continuing.

"We started treatment right away, chemotherapy." I couldn't control the tears that were sliding down my cheeks. "Did you know there are only a hundred and fifty case of leukemia in infants a year and they only have a fifty percent case of surviving." I use the back of my hands to wipe away my tears.

"Michael and Jessica were both optimistic when she made it through treatment. The cancer cells seem to be gone." I took yet another deep breath. "Everything seemed to be going okay. She was cancer free. I was going to be starting my sophomore year of college. Life was going to be okay."

"Until one night I was watching her, she looked so pale and her skin was cold. I didn't think twice about taking her to the hospital. My first thought was the cancer came back, I wanted to be wrong more than anything." More tears, "Bu-but I wasn't. I wanted to be wrong Lucas. I wanted more than anything to be wrong." I start sobbing in my hands.

Lucas places a hand on my back. I fall into his touch. "Michael, Jessica, and myself went over our options. We wore them all out, one but one. Bone marrow transplant." I take another deep breath. "I was our only hope and if I wasn't a match I was going to come back and beg you."

"You wouldn't have to had beg. I would have done it again." Lucas says in a whisper.

"The wait for the results seemed never ending, but we got the result and I was a match. We started with the preparation right away with me and with her. I was her last chance." I start sobbing uncontrollably, "I was supposed to save her."

He moves his hand to my shoulder, but I shrug it off. "It seemed to be okay at first. The doctors were optimistic about them outcome, but I couldn't get over this feeling that I felt. It was almost haunting." I wipe my nose. "I wanted my bone marrow to save her, but it didn't."

"It was a last option. There wasn't anything left to do. We watched her slowly die. She was only nine months." Tears don't stop falling. "I couldn't save her. I was her last option and I failed her." I try to catch my breathing. The more I try the harder it becomes. I start to hyperventilate and my sobbing becomes heavy.

Lucas wastes no time in grabbing me into his arms and I fall into his embrace. I haven't felt this safe in a very long time. My face is buried into his chest and I feel his hand run through my hair. I never want him to let go.

"It wasn't your fault." I shake my head, "Riley, look at me." He pulls away a little to look into my eyes. It the first time I noticed how red his eyes were from all the crying. I'm sure mine are just as red. "It isn't. I know you are going to want to blame yourself. I blamed myself after…after my bone marrow failed with my sister." I tighten my grip around his waist, and I feel his both tremble, "Don't blame yourself."

We stand there holding each other for what seems like forever. I don't even want to let him go. I've missed him for five years. I should have never have ran from him.

He puts his fingers under my chin to lift my head up to look at him. He hesitates, "What was her name? You've avoided it this whole time."

"Her name was Hope Olivia Matthews."

He looks at me with wide eyes, "Olivia?"

I nod my head, "After your sister."

His hold on me tightens and I feel him place a soft kiss on the top of my head. "I've missed you so much, Riley."

"I've miss you too."

Some clears their throat. I try to hide my face, whoever it is I don't want them to see me like this. I hear clanking of heels.

"Well isn't this nice." I hear the sarcasm coming from Maya's voice. "You can ta-" I turn around to face her and her blue eyes lock on with my now red ones. "Riles, what's wrong?" I shake my head. "Please, talk to me."

"Can you tell her to go please?" I whisper loud enough for just Lucas to hear.

"Maya, you need to go," Lucas demands.

"I just want to talk to her. Please Riley, talk to me." Maya begs. "I've been missing my other half since you left. You are my best friend. You've always been! Please, talk to me!"

"Maya-"

I cut Lucas off, "I'll talk to you, just not now!" I snap.

"When?" she asks eagerly.

"I don't know Maya, just go please!"

She hesitates before turning on her heels and walking back into the reception.

I look back at Lucas, "Can you please get me out of here?"

"Of course," he says grabbing my hand dragging me away.


	9. 9

"Where are we going?" I ask once we start walking down the street.

"To my place."

We don't say anything to each other as we walk. I was expecting a worst reaction from him. I'm still trying to pull myself together, and Lucas almost seems unfazed by it. Maybe it hasn't completely sunk in yet.

As we get closer, I start to notice the street we are on. We keep walking and soon we are standing in front of the house I dreamt about living in with Lucas. The house that I thought would be perfect to live in when we decided to get married and start a family.

It's a light blue town house with a white door. It has a small patio that I would picture myself sitting with a warm drink watching the rain. I've never been inside, but I peeked through the windows. It had a brick fireplace and a garden seat that was by the front window, so even if it was too cold to sit on the patio I could sit there and watch the rain. It was perfect.

"Lucas, what are we doing here?"

"Th-this is my house."

"Why? Why would you do this? Why would you bring me here?"

"If I ever seen you again, I wanted to show you to know that I never gave up on you, on us." I blink a couple of time to push the tears back that were forming in my eyes. "Do you want to come in?" I look up at him and then look back down before I nod my head. "C'mon." He pulls me up the stairs leading to the front door.

He unlocks the door and walks inside, I hover by the front door a little longer before I follow him inside. I take a look around, and it's almost like I pictured everything would be. It has a very homey feeling to it. My first instinct is to look around, but I don't. I think he needs a chance to talk. It was mostly me telling him what happened, and I can feel a mixture of sadness and rage radiating off of Lucas.

I take a seat on the charcoal gray sectional. I expect him to take the spot next to me, but he doesn't. Instead, he paces in front of me. "Say whatever it is that you're thinking." I play with my hands. "I know you must hate me right now."

Lucas squats down in front of me. He takes my hand in his, "I could never hurt you. It's the opposite of what I feel for you Riley," tears start to build in my eyes. "But I'm mad right now. I'm furious!" he lets go of my hands and stands up.

"You disappear for years. Years, Riley! I have no idea where you went, but you write letters to my best friend! I thought the worst thing was you leaving, but you turn to someone that isn't me. That's one thing we have always prided ourselves on, is that we were able to talk to each other!" He takes a deep breath, "Now you tell me I had a daughter. A daughter I'll never get to meet because you took that from me!" His tone sent a shiver down my spine. I look up and I see his glass over with tears. "We could have been a family."

I shake my head, "No we couldn't have been. She would have still gotten sick and she would have still died if I was here. I saved you from heart ache."

"You think you saved me from heartache?! Riley, my heart has hurt every single day you have been gone," he shouts.

"I'm sorry," I say so I'm barely heard.

"I know you are," he finally takes the seat next to me. "I want to be mad at you, Riley. I really do. I want to yell at you for keeping this from me. I want to yell at you for leaving," he has tears in eyes that I can barely see through mine, "but honestly I'm just so happy that you are here. Right in front of me."

He grabs my face in between his hands, "I can see you, and not in my dreams," his green eyes look into my soul.

"I can touch you," he wipes the tears with his thump and I do the same to him.

"I can easily kiss you," he slowly moves his lips closer to mine. His lips are so close I can feel them lightly brush against mine.

"I don't think we should," I whisper, "I'm leaving tomorrow, Lucas."

"So don't go, stay with me."

I look into his eyes, and I know he is serious. I want to stay, but I can't. I just can't. "Lucas, I-I-I can't." I feel his hand leave my face and watch as he drops his head in defeat. "I started a life there. I can't just drop everything no matter how much I want to. Something will always drag me back there."

"I understand," he clears his throat to cover the cracks in his voice, "Just know, I'm not giving up on you Riley Matthews."

Silence fills the room, before he speaks again.

"Riley, how did you cope with losing Hope?" he asks at a whisper I barely hear.

I cough to clear my throat, "I, uh, I started drinking heavily to numb myself. Something I'm not proud of."

"I thought so." I cock my head to the side as I look at him, "I see how much you drank tonight, but you weren't drunk."

I shrug my shoulders, "Oh. I guess I built up a tolerance."

After that, we stay quiet for a while. Neither one of was uttering a single word, just enjoying each other's presence. I missed being this close to him. I almost forgot the amount of comfort that overcomes me whenever he is in the same room as me.

When we finally decide to speak, it's almost like our ability to talk to each other came back naturally. Yes, we've been talking all night, but this was different. This wasn't me sharing things with him because I felt obligated to tell him. This was actually conversation.

We catch up on the last five years that we miss out on each other's lives. He tells me about his late start to A&M and how he eventually transferred here to Cornell. He just told me he needed to be back home, but thanks to my dad I know the real reason. He tells me about his mom, Laura, and how she moved back to Texas when he went to A&M to stay close to him, but stayed to help Pappy Joe with the ranch.

When he tells me about his job that he has at a clinic here in New York, he talks about the many animals he helped. I can hear the passion in his voice. I see the smile that consumes his face when he talks opening his own practice. I'm just so proud that he did it. He became a veterinarian.

When it's my turn, I try to be short with everything. He knows what he needed to know. I didn't tell him about never finishing college. I made such a big deal out of it continuing your education after high school, I felt like a hypocrite for dropping out.

I tell him out my job, but I lie a little. I tell him that I work for a company, but my main job is making sure the website is always updated. At least he bought it, I'm guessing Farkle never told him about my website. I was a little disappointed. I'm surprised Farkle hasn't figured out what my alias was. If he did, he would have found me by now.

He asks about my personal life, but all I tell him is that I don't really have much of one because I drown myself in work. Which is true.

More silence fills the air, but it isn't an uncomfortable silence. It was a nice silence. I was enjoying it, until he decided to talk.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but talk to Maya," I scoff. "Riley, she misses you. I know you miss her too. She beat herself up constantly for doing what she did. After prom, you completely shut us out."

"You both hurt me! I felt betrayed Lucas." I look down at my hands, "But the thing is Lucas, I forgave you the minute I got home and it terrified me. How could I forgive you after you let her kiss you!? It was simple. I'd do anything to have you in my life. If I would have stayed I would have acted like nothing had happened and it would have eaten at me."

"You need to know why Maya did what she did." I shake my head. "You do, Riley. It's my turn to tell you something you deserve to know. You won't like it, but you need to know," he looks at me, but I avoid his gaze. "I need you to know."

His phone starts to ring, "I have to take this, I'll be right back." I nod, and he walks into the next room.

How did I end up here? In Lucas' house, a house that we talked about living in together. This was mine no, our dream home and here he is living in it alone. Hoping one day that I would come back. I don't think I ever will though. This isn't my home anymore. My home is Seattle. New York is just a place I grew up.

He walks in clearing his throat, "Sorry about that."

"It's okay."

He takes the seat right next to me. I can feel my heart racing. The reason Maya did what she did is going to be known to me. He takes a deep breath, "You remember when my dad left me and my mom in the beginning of senior year." I nod, "Their marriage started to fall apart after Olivia died." I see him choke back tears. "It was hard at first, you remember. I saw my mom struggling to pay bills. I told her I would get a job, but she said no. She wanted me to focus on school maintain my grades, so I wouldn't lose my scholarship. I let her do it her way, until that February. I don't know if you remember, but-"

I cut him off, "I remember. You were pulling away from everyone especially me. At least that's what it felt like, it felt like I was losing you. I thought you were finally realized that I wasn't good enough for you."

"Riley, if anything you have always been too good for me." He goes quiet for a minute, and I avoid his gaze.

He clears his throat, "My mom was behind on the mortgage. We were going to lose. I didn't think it was a big deal at first. It was just me and my mom, so it made sense to move into a smaller house. It wasn't the house that my mom was having a hard time leaving, it was the memories. The last memories with Olivia," I see Lucas' bottom lip quiver.

It's instinctive to reach over and place a comforting hand on his knee, "You don't have to tell me."

"I do. I got into some pretty bad stuff. Some stuff that I wish I never gotten involved in, but I did." He hesitates a little before continuing, "Do you remember prom night, how people kept coming up to me?" I nod, "They were coming to me for a reason." He takes a deep breath, "I was dealing, Riley," he avoids my eyes.

"What?"

"I was dealing. Pills, weed, and sometimes a little more hardcore drugs," he turns to meets my eyes, but I look straight ahead. "I wasn't thinking. All I was thinking at the time was saving the house. I couldn't hear my mom cry herself to sleep every night anymore."

"Why didn't you just get a job? Wouldn't that have been the logical thing to do."

"You don't think I know that," he shouts and I shift uncomfortably, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He takes a deep breath, "A part time job working a couple of hours after school wasn't going to help. I just wanted to help my mom." Silence. "I was doing that for a couple of months. I told myself once I helped my mom catch up with the mortgage I would get out, so at the beginning of May when that happened I was relieved. I told my supplier I was done, he didn't really like that." I see Lucas clench his fist, "Maya was coming over one day after school to help me with my art final, and uh when we got to my house the front door was open. My house was thrashed."

I look at him, but he refuses to look at me. "When we got inside, I thought we were alone but we weren't. I heard someone coming does the stairs, and I push Maya into a closet. I wasn't going to let whoever did this get away." I watch as he closes his eyes, "I should have known when I told him I wanted out that there was going to be trouble to follow. He slammed me against the door of the closet that Maya was in my neck," he gulped. "He-he pulls out a gun, cocks it and puts it to my head and tells me I stop when he says I stop. I have never been that scared in my life."

I can't help the tears that form in my eyes. He clears his throat, "I wait a few minutes after he's gone to get Maya out of the closet and tell her to leave, but you know Maya. She wasn't going to go without an explanation. I tried to be lie, but she wasn't believing any of it. I tried to be as vague as I could, but she wanted to truth. So I told her parts, that I was dealing and I was getting out and the person that was there was just a misunderstanding. I promised her I was getting out, but-"

I cut him off, "You didn't, did you? That's why she did what she did, isn't it?"

He nods, "On prom night, I was in the hallway with some of our classmates at the time. Maya saw what I was doing. She didn't understand that I didn't have a choice." I hear the agitation grow in his voice, "I had to put my life on hold. I couldn't even go straight to college because I had to find a way out of the mess I got myself involved in."

"You could have told me; you know?"

He scoffs, "I couldn't. I didn't want you to think any less of me. I did it to help my mom, not because I wanted to." He locks eyes with me, "I really didn't want to, Riley."

There's a knock on the front door. He hesitates to get up for a second, "Don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad?"

He walks to the front door and my heart starts to fasten. Why would I be mad?

"Where is she?" I hear a voice calling from the front door and I immediately tense up. I don't look in the direction. I didn't want anyone, especially her to see me in such an emotional state.

The sound of footsteps starts to fill my eyes as they get closer, "You heard what I had to say, now I think it's time for you to listen to what Maya has wanted to tell you for five years."


	10. 10

My eyes move between Lucas, Maya and Zay. I'm pretty sure Maya was the one who called Lucas. Silence fills the air along with a thick layer of tension. I'm expected to just listen to her. I just told Lucas about the daughter he'll never get to meet, and he told me how he used to be a drug dealer. Sometimes you just have to know when you've had enough for one night.

I stand up, but they all move in sync to block me from moving to the front door. I feel trapped. My mouth feels dried. I need to get out of here, now.

"Can I get some water?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'll go-"

I cut Lucas off, "No, can I get it myself? I need a moment alone right now." I can feel all their eyes on me and I'm uncomfortable.

"Yeah. Kitchen is just that way," he says gesturing down the hallway.

I find my way into a kitchen and I stare at the backdoor that leads to the backyard. It'll be so easy to just leave, run away. I just heard what Lucas had to say. I can't handle anymore tonight.

I take a step towards the door. It's now or never, I can just sneak out. It'll be easy.

"Don't think about it, Sugar," I turn around and I see Zay standing there crossing his arms.

"Zay, please."

"No, I'm not going to let you run away. Just talk to me, you did at one point."

Tears start unleashing from my eyes, "I should have never come back Zay. It was a mistake. I need to get out of here." I push my way to the front door, but he pulls me back.

"What happened? Talk to me, Riley."

"Did you know he was selling drugs?!" I shout, but not too loud so Maya and Lucas don't hear.

"I knew, but not until Maya told me after what happened when she came home with him one day and-"

"And someone was here," he nods. "What am I supposed to do Zay? I ran away, it's what I'm good at now," I sob. I gesture to the direction of the living room, "Lucas is out there still wanting to be with me, and everything inside me is wanting to run into his arms." The tears don't stop.

"So what's the problem?"

"I can't forgive myself. Not for the chance I robbed him of. He never got to meet her," I can't see through my tears. I can barely catch my breath. "He never got to meet her, and it's my fault." I start hyperventilating, "it's my fault." My sobs are becoming uncontrollable. I try to shallow back my tears, "He'll never meet her and it's my fault."

Zay grabs my face, "Calm down, I'm right here, like I said I'll always be here." I try to stop crying; I can't it just softens. "Who will Lucas never meet?" he asks hesitantly.

I shake my head vigorously, "No one. I got to go Zay." He grabs my wrist and I look up at him with my puffy red eyes, "Let me go Zay."

"Maya needs to talk to you, and honestly you need to talk to her." I scoff wiping my face with the back of my hands. "I'm tired of seeing herself beat herself up. She still cries sometimes. Yes, I know what she did was-"

"Mindless, foolish, ridiculously stupid?"

"Yes all of those and then some, but c'mon you two were attached at the hip. You guys were Riley and Maya, Maya and Riley. She was your Peaches and you were her Riles. You're smiley Riley. You forgive."

I start laughing through my tears, "The thing is Zay, that isn't who I am anymore." I don't waste any time reaching for the door. Before I walk out, I turn around and see him move towards to the living room. "Zay," he turns around, "give me a minute before you run in there and tell them I'm running away. Please," I plead.

"Fine, go. You have one minute."

"Thank you, Zay."

"No problem Cotton Candy Face." I give him a small smile before hurrying out the door and out the back gate.

I try to get far away from his house, this house as fast as I can. The house that could have held so many memories. I hear my name being called out, but I don't turn around. I just pick up the pace, but that doesn't stop him from coming after me. I should have known that he wouldn't just let me leave.

"Riley!" he shouts. I start to run. "Riley you can't keep running away!" I don't listen I stop for a second to slip off my heels, but that only gives him an opportunity to catch up.

He gets his arms wrapped around me, "Lucas, please!" I wiggle my way out of his hold, "I can't take anything else tonight! It's two in the morning, and I am emotionally drained. I just want to go home."

"I'll take you to your parents' apartment then."

"No, Lucas. My home!"

"Oh."

"I'm leaving," I take a deep breath, "Yes, maybe I do need to hear what Maya has to say, but not tonight."

"Can I walk-"

I cut him off, "I want to say yes, but right now I just want to be alone. I need to be alone."

I see sadness consume his eyes, and I have to turn away. If I looked at him any longer, I would take him in my arms. I haven't seen him in years, but he has always been my weakness. Before I change my mind, I turn on my heels and walk away as fast as I can.

I don't know if I should be scared walking this late at night, or very early in the morning, but I'm not. My mind is too consumed with the thoughts of tonight. I'm still trying to process everything.

So much was said tonight is there even any moving forward from this. Secrets were kept, mostly on my part, and I thought that if I ever told him I would feel some type of weight lifted off my shoulders, but instead I feel even more guilt. How is that even possible?

I was so wrapped in my own mind that I'm standing in front of the apartment sooner than I want to be. I don't want to walk through the front door and possibly wake up my parents or Auggie. Get asked why I've been crying because I know my eyes are swollen. I can feel it. I can feel them stinging.

I choose not to go up through the front door, and instead I round the corner of the building. I'm standing in front of the fire escape, the one that will lead to my bedroom. The same one that everyone scaled. The same one that Lucas would go up late at night, so he could spend the night. The same one that Maya climbed when she was just a little girl and it led to us being best friends.

I shake my head of the memories and start to move up the fire escape. Just a couple more steps and I can go to sleep. I'm exhausted. I let out a sigh of relief when I find my window unlock. I climb through, and immediately strip myself of my short red sleeveless dress and slide an oversize t-shirt over my body.

"I just need to rest. Tomorrow is just going to be another long day," I whisper to myself as I grab my feet to my bed.

The sun shines through the windows waking me up as soon as it the light hits my eyes. I sit and rub my eyes. I don't want to be up right now, but I need to be. My flight leaves in a few hours and I need to tell my mom everything. No more secrets. Maybe if I make breakfast, it'll soft the blow.

I saunter my way into the kitchen, but to my surprise I see my mom already there. How is she up at eight in the morning, I'm surprised I'm even up. As I move closer, my heart beat quickens. I should tell her now. It'll be easier since we're alone, but no one will be here to be the mediator.

I clear my throat, "Goodmorning mom."

"Oh goodmorning honey," she says turning to look at me and then back to the stovetop. "I was going to wake you once I was done cooking."

"I was actually going to cook breakfast. Do you need any help?"

"No, but you can tell me where you disappeared to towards the end of the night?" she asks.

"I, uh, I kind of left with Lucas."

"Lucas as in Lucas Friar?" I hear the confusion in her voice.

I nod, "Yes Lucas Friar."

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

I let out a sigh, "Actually mom, I need to tell you some things before I leave."

She looks at me, "Well, by the look on your face it seems serious."

"It kind of is. Well not kind of, it is."

I let out a deep breath. I'm ready to tell her, I think. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I don't know how she is going to react, and that scares me. I need my dad here.

"Can-can you go wake up dad?" my voice cracks with nerves.

I see concern take over my mom's face, "Yeah sure. Just keep an eye on this please," she gestures to the pans on the stove. I nod my head.

I start to think about what exactly I'm going to tell her, but it's a lot harder than I think. I don't want her to be disappointed in me, but I think that is exactly what is going to happen. I was young when I got pregnant and I didn't even finish college. My mom and I made progress with each other this past week the last thing I want is for everything to go back to the way it was before. I want to be able to talk to my mom the way I talk to my dad. Footsteps descending down the stairs grab my attention.

"Your mom says you have something you want to tell us?" my dad says taking his seat at the head of the table. I turn around and I see that it's only my dad. I turn off the stove when I see that it's done cooking and place the pan off to the side. I move to take my usually seat.

"I'm going to tell her everything, and I needed you here," I whisper, and he reaches over and grabs my hand. Just breathe.

"We're both here, so what is it?" my mom says taking her seat across from me. I don't say anything, and the grip that my dad has on my hand tightens. Giving me a reassurance squeeze. My mom notices, "Cory what's wrong?"

His eyes move from my mom to me, "Riley, do you want me to tell her?" I shake my head.

"Mom," I look at her, "there is a lot you don't know. I mean a lot." I look at my dad, and he signals me to continue. "For starters the website I work for, it's actually mine."

"What do you mean yours?"

"It's mine, mom. I created it by accident."

"Are you telling me you dropped out of college to work on some website of yours? You were going to school to be a writer. A decision I wasn't proud of, but that's what you wanted to so I tried to-"

My dad cuts her off, "Topanga, let her explain please."

"What is there to explain? If she would have finished-"

Now it was my turn to interrupt her, "No, mom I didn't finish college but in a way I did become a writer. No I'm not writing novels the way I wanted to, maybe one day, but I am writing. I have my own website that I originally used it as a public diary I guess you can say. It started to generate a lot of traffic. People asking me for advice. I explained this to dad," I gesture to him.

"Wait, Cory you knew?" she turns her attention to him and he throws his hand up in surrender.

"He found out by accident."

"Your website what's it called? When did you start it?"

"HopeInTheSky," I say with a hint of sadness in my voice because I know what I'm going to tell her next, "I started it the beginning of my sophomore year. I didn't-"

"So, you dropped out to focus on it? Is it even successful?" she cuts me off.

"Topanga!" my dad says a little too loud, "Just let her explain. Listen."

"Thank you," I whisper in the direction of my dad. "It is successful, very actually. I didn't drop out of college to focus on it. I dropped out for another reason."

"Well why? Why did you drop out? I thought you liked it. You always seemed happy whenever we talked, even when we-"

"Stop!" I shout. "I hated it, every single moment mom. But how could anyone tell, I was always good at hiding how I really felt right?" I take a deep breath, "When I left mom, I was pregnant."

"You were what?!" she practically yells.

I cough to clear my throat, "I was pregnant." My mom opens her mouth, but I continue. "I was pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl. She was beautiful."

"Was?"

I look up to keep my tears back, "Yes was. She died."

My mom looks at me with disbelief. I tell her everything that happens. How I gave her up for an open adoption to Michael and Jessica. How we found out she had leukemia and how I felt when I couldn't save her when I was her last option. My dad knew some things to a certain extent because of the website, but now he knew everything to detail.

Both of them had made their way to me and held me as I sobbed. My dad wipes my tears away and my mom runs her fingers through my hair. I can tell both of them are trying to keep it together right now for me. They were both hurt that I felt like I couldn't come to them. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell them, it was if I did I would want to come home, and I couldn't because I wasn't ready. No matter how much I wanted to.

"What was her name? You've avoid it," my mom asks.

I tend to do that. I guess it makes it easier to talk about. I choke back my tears, "Hope Olivia Matthews."

"Hope? You're website."

I nod, "Yeah. I knew that's where she was going to be one day. I wanted to hang on to her and believe that it would be okay in the end," tears start to build up, "but I knew what was to come. I didn't have anyone to talk to. I know it's my fault," I wipe the few tears that fell. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about," my mom says pulling me closer to her. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone." She takes my face in her hands, "No more secrets, Riley."

"I promise."

"I love you." She gestures to herself and my dad, "We both love you."

"I love the both of you," I drape my arms across the both of them and tighten my grip.

We sit there on the bench with me squeezed in the middle of them. It would be easy to come back, but like I said before my life now is in Seattle. We stay there for a little longer talking about any possible thing I might have kept from them, but it isn't anything serious or big.

I have a couple of hours before I have to leave for airport. There is something that I have to do before I go. I need to do it even though I don't want to.

I pull myself away from parents and held up the stairs to my bedroom. I don't really have time to get all dressed up, so I slip on a pair of jeans I find laying on the floor and a baseball t-shirt with white shoes. I hurry to bush my hair and teeth.

When I go downstairs, both my parents give me a look of confusion.

"Where are you going?" my dad asks.

"I'll be back before my flight so I can say bye. I'm doing something I need to do."

I head out the front door and rush to the subway. I need to hurry and get there before I change my mind. I need this.

On the subway, a million things are running through my head until I see a young couple. They are laughing with each other. Stealing glances at each other. The love that beams from his eyes when he looks at her, and the smile that fills her face when she catches him staring. It makes my heart feel warm.

My attention gets pulled away when I notice I'm at the stop I need to get off at. I walk out the subway and walk up the stairs. My heart starts to fasten with each step I take. I know it's because of the nerves.

It'll be fine. I hope so. I'm doing the right thing. At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. I just need to get through this and I'll be far away from this all. The sight of the apartment building that I visited tons of times makes everything real. I hesitate a little before I continue to walk. Each step and I'm second guessing my decision. When I finally decide to turn around, it's too late because I already knocked on the door without realizing it.

The door crack opens, "Riley?"

"Hi Maya," I clear my throat. "I was hoping to find you here. I wasn't sure where to find you. I'm ready to listen."

She opens the door wider, "Come in, please."


	11. 11

I step inside and everything looks different. Maya must have done some real redecorating because everything screams her. I see art hanging everywhere, but it doesn't look crowded everything fits together perfectly. Is she living here by herself?

I follow her into a living room. She takes a seat on the teal couch and I follow suit taking one directly across from her on the matching single seat. I watch as she shifts uncomfortably and I do the same. My eyes keep wandering around the apartment.

"It's my apartment for now," I pull my eyes from the art hanging on the walls and focus on her.

"It looks nice. I just thought you and Zay would be living together."

"We're working on it. He wants me to move in with him, but I can't seem to let this place go."

"Of course, it's your home. It's the place you've always known."

She looks around the apartment, "I guess."

"Change is okay. Sometimes it's what you need.

She shrugs her shoulders, and doesn't say anything. We don't say anything for a while, but I can feel her eyes on me when I turn my gaze away from her. I'm waiting for her to say something, however, the more I wait the more the nerves build up.

She coughs to fill the silence, "I need to explain what happened." I nod. She takes a deep breath, "Did Lucas tell you about how I found out?" again I nod.

"He told me that day that he was going to stop. I believed him. I really thought he was going to stop, Riley."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask not once looking up from my hands.

"I wanted to! Lucas begged me not to. He was worried that if you found out, you would leave him. But I knew you wouldn't. You loved him way too much to ever do that. But he wasn't convinced. He cried, Riley. He cried for me not to tell you, so I promised him I wouldn't say anything as long as he stopped."

She lets out a small sigh, "As far as I knew he had, so I kept my promise. That was until prom night. I watched the whole night as people walked up to him, and when I saw him leave you I followed him." She takes a deep breath, "I watched him as he handed little baggies filled with god knows what to people for money."

She looks at me trying to find my gaze, but I keep my eyes on my hands as I fiddle with my thumbs. "I was furious, Riles! It's like something in me just snapped. You had just told me you were pregnant a few days before and here he was doing something that could potentially put anyone he cares about in danger. Especially you!"

"I waited until he was alone in the hallway before I approached him. I was-"

I stopped her, "Why didn't you just find me and tell me right then?"

"I wasn't thinking. I was scared you weren't going to believe me. He was replacing me." I shake my head. "He was, Riley. I was okay with it though. I knew you found the person that was meant to be by your side your whole life. You found your person. So I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't believe me."

She clears her throat and I look up at her. I see her eyes shine from the wetness of tears she is holding back. "I yelled at him for lying to me. He told me he didn't have a choice that he couldn't stop until he was allowed to. So I told him to leave you because you didn't need the stress of him possibly being in trouble. You were pregnant!" I watch as she tried to blink back the tears that already started to fall, "I didn't want to hurt you Riley, but I was scared something was going to happen to you and to the baby."

I slowly get up and walk over to the couch and take a seat next to her, "I never meant to hurt you, but when he told me he couldn't." She stares off into the corner, "All that played in my head was the day I went home with him and walking into his house. Him shoving me into the closet because we heard someone," more tears start to fall from her blue eyes. "I heard him being slammed against the closet door. I had to muffle my cry with my hands. Riley, I was terrified. I didn't know what was happening, and then," she gulps, "then it was quiet and I hear a gun cock back. It was so quiet I could hear everything. I heard the fear in Lucas' voice." She lets the tears fall freely and I shift closer to her and grab her hand. She's shocked. She looks down and then locks eyes with me.

"He was scared Riley, so I didn't understand why he was still doing it. It was his choice and I didn't care anymore. I just cared about you, so I told him to leave you because it was the best thing but he refused to. I saw you there. I wasn't thinking clearly. The only thing that was on my mind was that night and instead of me in the closet I imagined you there, you and the baby you were pregnant with," more tears fall and I reach over wipe her tears as I try to hold mine back. "If he kept dealing, it would eventually be you there in the closet. Living the nightmare, I have had because of that night. But in my nightmares I get found, and I feel the cold gun pressed against me. I was scared of it coming true for you." She's almost incoherent through her tears.

"I never wanted to hurt you, all I ever wanted to do was protect you. I thought-" she can't finish because of her sobs. I don't think twice about pulling her into a hug. "I just wanted to protect you." I barely hear her through her tears and the fact that she buried her face into my shoulder.

I understand now why she did what she did because if I was put in the same situation I think I would have done the same thing. Then I would have done anything to protect Maya from getting hurt. I hate what she did, but I understand. If they would have told me all those years ago, I don't think I would have listened.

I would have been too hurt to see everything clearly and acted like everything was okay when it really wouldn't have been. It's a good thing I left.

After Maya pulls herself together, she pulls away from me. "I should have talked to you about everything, instead of taking everything in my own hands and trying to solve a problem with the worst possible solution."

I shake my head, "I want to forgive, maybe I can now that I know what really happened. I really missed you Maya." I feel a burning a sensation in my nose.

"I missed you, too, Riles." She engulfs me into another hug.

"Everything isn't going to go back to the way it was before, but I'm willing to try."

A small smile plays on her lips, "That's all I could ask for."

I can tell she wants to say something, but she fights herself. "What is it?"

She hesitates, "Zay told me something that you said yesterday that didn't make sense."

I look at the clock, it's almost time for me to leave back to the apartment. "I don't know what you are talking about." I stand up, "I should get going. I have to get back befo-"

"You had the baby didn't you?" she cuts me off.

I let out an uncomfortable and nervous laugh, "You are still Maya. Always talking before you can think." I look towards the front door, "I really have to go."

"To go back to-" she waits for me to feels in the blank.

I start to walk towards the exit, "If you want this to work, you really just have to give me time to tell you certain things. At this point Maya, I still don't trust you very much. Maybe one day I can."

"I understand. One day hopefully," she says following behind me.

I open the door and step outside. I take a deep breath and let it out before I turn around, "Goodbye Maya."

"When is the next time I'm going to see you?"

"Soon maybe," I turn around and walk away back to the subway.

When I'm outside my apartment my apartment, my phone starts to ring. It's probably one of my parents wondering where I am. I look and see Auggie's picturing staring back at me.

 ** _Hey Aug. I'm outside. I'll be up right now._**

 _Don't come up!_ He whispers shouts.

 ** _What why?!_**

 _He's here._

 ** _Who is?_** I ask confused.

 _Lucas!_

I really don't want to see him right now, especially this close to my flight. All he has to do it beg me to stay, and I just might. I hear rustling on Auggie's end of the phone.

 ** _Can you bring me my luggage down, but through my window?_**

 _I'm already on it._

 ** _Thank you! You're the best! I hang up the phone and make my way to the back._**

When I make my around the back, I see Auggie reaching the bottom. He really is the best brother anyone could ask for. He always looked out for me, and did his best to protect me even though I'm the older sibling.

"Thank you so much!" I say embracing him into a constricting hug.

"I just didn't think you could handle anything else happening today." I tilt my head to the side. "I heard this morning. It was kind of hard not to wake up with you and mom shouting at each other."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." Realization hits me, "That means you heard?" He nods. "What exactly did you hear?"

"Enough. I just want you to know I'm always here to talk to. I may be your younger brother, but all I ever want is for you to be happy."

"I know." My phone goes off. I look at it, it's a reminder of my flight time. "I have to go. You think they'll be mad that I didn't say bye?"

He shrugs his shoulder, "Probably, but they'll get over it. I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too!" I pull him for yet another breath constricting hug. I pull away, "How about instead of waiting for Christmas, you, mom, and dad come spend Thanksgiving with me. You can even come early if you want and spend the week with me."

His eyes go wide, "Really?" I nod. "I'd really like that and I'm sure mom and dad will too."

"Well than it's settled." I look at my phone for the time, "Okay I really have to go now. I love you."

"I love you too. Call one of us as soon as you land."

"Always." We give each other one last quick hug.

It takes me about five minutes to get a cab to pull over. I put my luggage in the back and get in the car and tell him the airport. He starts to drive away and I'm staring mindless out the window. It'll be easy to come back, won't it?

But I can't.

My phone starts ringing, but this time it's my dad's picture who is flashing at me. He must have figured out that I wasn't coming back to say hi and wanted to give me a piece of his mind.

 ** _Hey dad. I'm sorry I didn't come in and say bye._**

 _It isn't your dad._

 ** _Lucas? What are you doing calling me from my dad's phone?_**

 _Well I don't seem to have your number and your dad has grown to like me. I was here waiting for you. I wanted to surprise you, but to my surprise you never came up._

 ** _Yeah Auggie brought me my luggage through my window._**

 _I should have figured he rushed out of the room as soon as his eyes landed on me. To warn you right?_

 ** _Yeah. Are my parents mad I didn't say bye?_** I can hear voices mumble in the background.

 _Maybe a little, but I think they understand. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to say bye and maybe try to convince you to stay one last time._ He whispers the last part.

 ** _And that's exactly why I couldn't see you because I think you might have been able to._**

 _Really?!_ I hear the hope in his voice.

 ** _Yes, but you aren't going to get the chance I'm already on my way to the airport._**

 _Not if I can stop you._

 ** _Good luck Lucas. There is more than one airport, and don't bother asking my parents. They won't tell you. Goodbye Lucas._**

Before he can say anything else, I hang up the phone before I tell him which airport it is.

When the taxi driver pulls up front of the airport, I pay him and hurry out. If he does guess the right one, it's not like he'll be able to guess which gate. He doesn't know where I live. Disappoint hits me.

I make it through security a lot faster than I usually do. I go take a seat near my gate and wait. I find myself looking around the airport hoping that he'll show up, but he doesn't. Maybe I should have told him, and then we would have had a romantic airport scenes like in the movies.

My eyes don't stop scanning the airport until my gate is called. Real life is not like the movies. I make my way over to the gate, but before I walk through I look back one last time. Nothing.

Yeah not like the movies at all, if it was he would be standing there and I would run into his arms. Instead, I'm getting on the plane. Alone.


	12. 12

Just like when I arrived in New York, no one was there waiting for me. Sometimes the life I built for myself can be a bit lonely, but I try not to focus on that. I've met some pretty amazing people; I just don't have the people I want most in my life. Not at the moment anyways.

After I get my luggage, I go outside and wait until I can get a cab. While I wait I turn on my phone. Two missed calls from my dad and three from my mom, along with several text messages from the both of them and Auggie.

 _Dad_

 _You left without saying bye?! My heart!_ He is always so dramatic. I can picture him not clutching his hands to his chest, faking a heart attack.

 _So, I might or might not have told Lucas where you were._ My eyes go wide, is he serious?!

 _Okay, I didn't! Wipe that look off your face. Call when you land, so I know you're safe. I love you._

 _PS Maybe consider letting Lucas have this number. He misses you, and the fact that you didn't come in because he was here, only says that you had to avoid him because he could get you to stay. I'm your father, I know everything._

I roll my eyes and move on to my mom's messages.

 _Mom_

 _Riley Anne Matthews!_ She's mad, she only uses my full name when she is mad.

 _I understand you didn't want to see Lucas, but you couldn't have called and I would have gone outside._ She does know he would have followed her, right?

 _Call me or your father when you land. We also have to discuss Thanksgiving. I love you. Have a safe flight._

She sounds too calm, just wait until I call her. Auggie now.

 _Aug_

 _Just warning u mom & dad are mad u left without a word_

 _I cant wait 2 come up for Thanksgiving mom said I can go 4 the whole week! Hope u had a safe flight text me when u land and call mom or dad_

I was about to call my dad because I thought maybe he would be more manageable compared to my mom, but a cab was available and I rushed to it. I'll just call when I get home.

In the cab, I was still trying to process everything that had occurred just in the past few days. I have forty-five minutes to wrap my mind around everything. I look out the window taking in the scenery it different from here than in New York. It starts to change the closer we get to my house, the buildings become less frequent and homes become more common surrounded by trees.

The closer we get to my house I start to grow anxious of the realization that I'll be alone, and right now that is something I don't want. So, when the taxi driver drops me off I go inside my house and drop off my luggage and grab my keys.

Where I'm going is about a twenty-minute drive from my house. The location of my house isn't the best, but I searched high and low for it. As soon as I seen it, I knew this was the home for me. It was the first big purchase I made once my website took off, but the drive to and from places can sometimes be a little inconvenient. I won't move though.

I'm going to the only place that has provided me with any comfort for the past years. The closer I get I can feel myself become more at ease. I pull into the gate and park off to the side. I turn off the car look out the window and I feel the heaviness in my heart. I take a deep breath and walk out.

Each step I take I can see it, not that I need to read it I have it embedded in my head.

 _Hope Olivia Matthews_

 _January 7, 2021 – October 12, 2021_

 _She'll Be Deeply Missed, But Forever Loved_

 _Rest in Paradise my Beautiful Angel_

I sit down in front of her grave marker and brush all the leaves that have fallen on it. I straighten out the lilies that I bought her right before I left, I'm surprise they are still hanging in there. I run my fingers across the engraved lettering wishing she was still here. This is the reason I can't leave Seattle because I wouldn't be able to take her with me. I try to choke back the tears. I've done a lot of crying this past week.

"Hey baby girl. It's me," I whisper. "So, I went to go visit your grandparents this weekend. They know about you, now, along with your uncle. I should have told them about you while you were still here." I wipe the single tear that escaped. "This week was kind of grueling." I hesitate, I feel guilt wash through me. "I told another person about you." I try my best to hold back the tears, "Your daddy." But to no success a few more tears make their way down my cheek that I quickly wipe away. "I'm so sorry baby girl. I kept you from him all because I wasn't ready to let him back in. It was selfish of me."

I sit there silently, constantly brushing at my tear stained cheeks because tears seem to keep fighting their way through. I proceed to talk about my week in New York. I talk about the improvements in my relationship with mom, the talk Lucas and I had, and how Maya and I are going to try to move on from the past. I always find comfort in coming here and talking about anything I need to say out loud.

"I love you, Hope." I let out a small sigh, "Keeping people from your life and falling love with you the way I did was one of the worst mistakes in my life."

I'm startled by a hand being placed on my shoulder. I must have been so lost in the serenity that I didn't hear them sneak behind me. I snap my head up and I see a blue eyed brunette standing there.

"Hey Jessica." I say pulling my gaze back to the grave marker wanting to hide my face.

She takes a seat next to me, "When I didn't get a call from you when you got back. I was a little worried especially when you didn't answer your phone. I knew I'd find you here. This is the first place you go when you come back."

I still don't look at her, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." I take a deep breath, "I told them about her, my parents." I pause, "and Lucas. I hadn't seen him in years, and he had a right to know he had a daughter even though she is no longer here." With my peripheral vision I see her head drop a little. "I'm sorry, I know in the end she was-"

Jessica cuts me off, "No, Riley she was your daughter. I loved her like she was my own, but she was always yours. I knew the moment I seen you with her, you had the look of a mother."

I wipe the tears that had fallen, "She is the only person besides Lucas who I truly deeply loved. She'll always have a place in my heart. Some days are easier than others."

"I know sweetie." She drapes an arm around me and gives me a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you for everything that you and Michael have done for me. I don't know where I would be without either one of you." I say placing my head on her shoulder.

She lets out a light laugh followed by a sigh, "Riley, you came into our lives and you were a blessing. I know you have your parents, but you and Hope are the closest me and Michael got to having a daughter. But we were blessed with a beautiful boy."

A year after Hope passed away, they decided to adopt. They were both a little reluctant to tell me at first, but I was happy for them. They wanted to a family. I remember the day they got a call from the adoption agency about a five-year-old little boy, whose name is Nathan. Jessica and Michael both cried tears of joy as they held each other. They were going to be parents, something they both wanted to be so badly. It was truly a moment that I will forever remember.

I smile, "He was blessed with amazing parents. I was lucky enough to have parents away from home." Throughout the time that I've known both Jessica and Michael we have become extremely close. I tell Jessica everything. Sometimes I felt like I had a better relationship with Jessica, than I did with my own mother.

"Speaking of parents. Mine are going to be coming for Thanksgiving. I would love it if you, Michael and Nathan came. You can finally meet my family."

"We would love to! We get to finally meet the people who are responsible for creating such an amazing person." The smile never leaves my face.

My phone starts to ring I pull it out both Jessica and I look at it. "I'm guessing you forgot to call them and tell them you landed safely." I nodded. She slowly starts to rise and I follow suit. "Well I'll leave you to it. You stop by whenever, we missed you."

"I will." I give her a quick hug and wait until she is a few steps away before I answer the phone.

 _Hello?_ Please don't be mad.

 _It's been almost two hours since your plane landed, and you didn't call!_ My mom shouts from the other end.

 _I'm sorry. I was going to, but then the taxi came and you know I hate talking on the phone in the cab._

 _Next time you need to call. You had your father and I worried and Auggie!_

 _I promise it won't happen again. I know how worried you both get. Anyways, Auggie told you about Thanksgiving. It's a little less than a month away._ I try to divert the conversation.

 _Yes, he told us. Let's see how you'll handle hosting your first holiday. Do you need any help?_ I hear her chuckling on her end of the call.

 _I've got it all handled. I'm excited! I also invited people I want you guys to meet._

 _We can't wait!_

 _Neither can I._ I start to hear what I think is my dad shouting in the background. He can sometimes be a little dramatic. _Mom I have to go. I have a few things I need to do before work tomorrow. Tell dad to calm down. I'm fine. I love you guys._

 _We love you too._ And with that I hang up the phone

I look down at the grave marker one last time before I start to head to my car. Once I get to it I look at the time, it's barely going to be seven and I'm already exhausted, must be the time difference. I just want to lay in my bed curled up into a blanket.

A week and a half goes by, and I go back to my usually schedule. Work, work and more work. It's actually where I'm sitting right now staring at my open laptop. I don't have much of a social life out of this office, my choice, and to be honest it doesn't bother me. I think it's because I use it as a distraction to keep myself from thinking about everything and everyone I'm missing.

I talk to my parents every day, and Auggie and I send at least a few text messages to each other every day. I haven't talked to Lucas, Maya, Zay, Farkle, or Smackle. I didn't think I would once I left, but I never realized how much I really miss them. I told Maya I would try, but that is the opposite of what I'm doing. I didn't even get much of a chance to talk to Farkle and Smackle while I was there.

A knock on my office door grabs my attention, "Hey we're going out for drink, do you want to come?" Evan one of my employees ask.

"No I'm okay. I'm just going to stay here and finish this up." I say gesturing to the work in front of me.

"Are you sure? I mean I can stay with you so you aren't alone. It's getting late. We can count is as a date, you know the one you keep turning down." A smirk plays on his lips.

He has always been persistent. It's not that he isn't good looking because he is. He has brunette hair with green blue eyes. He's really nice, but I'm just not interested probably because my heart is somewhere else.

I give a small smile back, "I'll be fine. You go out with the rest of them. Have fun."

He lets out a defeating sigh, "One day Riley Matthews you'll crack."

"Go have fun." I watch him walk out of my office and join the others and soon I'm the only one here.

Maybe I should have gone. They aren't just my employees; I consider them really good friends. We've all been together for the past few years, and with there only being six of us we are all pretty close.

The longer I sit here, the longer I start to think. The more thinking I do the more I start to miss everyone back in New York more than I already do. Before I know it, it's 7:30. I've been sitting here for hours just thinking and doing nothing. My work isn't done, and instead of trying to at least get something done, I decide to call in a night.

As I'm walking to my car, I pull out my phone out of habit just to have my phone in my hand in case I need it. But this time I want to call him, I hesitate for a second. I hope I'm making the right choice. I should just call him, if he moved back to New York for me he probably still has the save number in hopes of me calling, right? I move my fingers over the numbers, but I stop. I can't call him, instead I call someone else.

 _Riley, everything okay? It's almost eleven._

 _That's right! I'm sorry, it can wait until tomorrow._

 _If you are calling this late something is on you mind._

 _Should I call Lucas?_ I blurt out. _I don't know if he still has the same number, but after all these years I can still remember it._

 _He has the same number._

 _Dad tell me what to do? I should call him right?_

 _I'll give him your number. If you call him, you'll do it private._ I don't say anything.

 _I'm right aren't I?_ I can practically hear the smile forming on his face.

 _It's late, not today. I'll let you go to sleep you, old man._ I laugh. _Goodnight, I love you. Tell mom and Aug I love them too._

 _Goodnight Riley, we love you too._

I hang up my phone. I don't really have to wait. I mean my dad did say his number is the same, but he is also right about the fact that I would call him private so I would be the one who could control when we talk. That's selfish, but I don't know how else to protect myself.

I get in my car, and lock the doors that I doo out of habit. I just sit in there for a minute before I decide to start it. The only good thing about leaving work so late is the traffic isn't bad, so it only takes me twenty to thirty minutes to get home.

The whole way there I'm trying to convince myself not to call Lucas. It'll be well after eleven too late to call. What if he is sleeping, it'll be rude to wake him. I pull into my driveway and I'm still fighting the urge to pick up my phone.

I put the car in park, turn it off and sigh before stepping out. I keep telling myself it's late I can't. As I'm walking to the front door, I'm fidgeting with my phone. It's what I want to do, I don't know why I'm fighting with myself so much. It's what we both want, so why am I being stubborn.

I get inside and toss my keys and purse on the table I have placed next to the front door. I'm going to do it. I take a deep breath and start putting in his number on my cell phone, but before I can finish my phone starts ringing.

I studied the number and it's identical to the number I was just about to call. I guess my dad didn't listen about waiting. Not that I'm surprise, he was always convinced that Lucas was the one I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. Staring at my phone I question if I should really answer it. I'd regret it if I don't. I take a deep breath before I hit accept.

I don't say anything. I want to, but it's almost as if my mind forgot how to form words. Why is this so hard? Why am I nervous?

 _Riley?_

I shallow the lump in my throat. _Yeah it's me._

 _Hi._ I can hear nerves in his voice with a smirk landing on his lips.

A smile spreads on mine. _Hi._

 _Hey._

Even so far apart, everything just falls into place so naturally with him.


	13. 13

I knew I missed Lucas, but I didn't understand the extent of it until I heard his voice last night. We talked for hours. Both of us were both a bit nervous at first, but it didn't last long. I did feel bad that we did stay up so late. It was only midnight my time, however, it was three his time. He said he didn't mind because he was able to hear my voice. So, I guess it wasn't much of a surprise when I woke up this morning to a text message from him.

 ** _Lucas_**

 ** _Goodmorning Riley! Talking to you last night about everything and nothing was something I really needed. I miss you._**

I can't help the smile that strews across my lips

 ** _Me_**

 ** _Maybe tonight if I don't leave the work so late, we can talk again._**

I press send and toss my phone on my bed. I move to my bathroom and start the shower, but before I can star undressing I hear my phone bing. It's like the teenage inside of me went off because I dash out of my bathroom and to the side of my bed.

 ** _Lucas_**

 ** _Doesn't matter what time, call me. Talking to you is the only way I'm okay with losing any sleep._**

Throughout the day Lucas and I text each other. I don't know why I thought we would be able to wait till tonight to talk. I smile all day. He makes me happy, just talking to him for a few hours makes me feel like I have a piece of me that's been missing. It's different talking to him when I'm states away, no one is forcing me to talk to him or I don't feel forced. I'm doing it because I want to.

I decide to leave work early today for the first time in months, but I don't go home instead I go over to Michael and Jessica's house to surprise them. They call me almost every day to check in, but I haven't seen Michael or Nathan since before I left, and Jessica the day I got back.

Their house is beautiful. It's a two story light grey house with darker grey window shutters and a black window door. It sounds a little gloomy, but it fits Seattle weather. I walk down the walkway leading up to their door and ring the doorbell.

I'm greeted by a tall brunette with brown eyes.

"Riley!" He looks back to the stairs, "Nathan come down someone's here who you missed!" He shouts.

"Hey Michael!" I move in to give him a hug. "How have you guys been?"

"We've been great!"

"That's good to hear. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."

"Don't worry about that. Jessica will be back soon with dinner. She didn't feel like cooking tonight," he chuckles. "You are staying for dinner."

"I don't want to-"

I get interrupted by a now eight-year-old Nathan running down the stair. "RILEY!" He practically yells. I turn my attention to the blonde hair light brown eyed boy.

"Hey little guy!" He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tight. He's gotten so tall, pretty soon he is going to tower over me.

"Nathan how about you go set the table." Michael says.

"But do I have to?" Nathan whines.

I can't help the quiet laugh that escapes my lips. "How about I go help you? Apparently I'm staying for dinner."

I see a smile that spreads across his face. He reminds me of Auggie when he was this age. Maybe that's why I get along with him so well.

Nathan and I move to the dining room table. I grab the plates and silverware, and he grabs cups and cloths. The both of us walk around the table placing the items for each person. He tells me about his pee wee football team and how he is excited for his game against their rival team in a few weeks, but he's nervous too.

"Why are you nervous?"

Nathan takes a deep breath, "There is a cheerleader that cheers for the team we are going to be playing."

"Does someone have a crush?" I tease him a little with a hip bump.

"What do I do? You're a girl give me girl advice?"

I smile, "Give her a flower, girls like flowers. A really pretty flower."

"I'll tell mom to help me pick one. Will you come and watch me play?"

"Of course I will!"

My phone goes off and I look at down at it.

 ** _Lucas_**

 ** _I can't wait to tell you about the day I had at the clinic today! Call me as soon as you can._**

A smile forms at my lips because I can picture his excitement.

 ** _Me_**

 ** _Can't wait to hear! I'll call as soon as I'm home._**

The smile never leaves my face. I feel like a happier person.

"Why are you are smiley?" Nathan pulls me out of my Lucas daze. "Who was it?" he asks stretching his neck to look at my phone.

I shake myself out of my Lucas daze and twist to the side to hide my phone, "Oh nothing."

"Liar! You are all smiley Riley right now. You never smile like that." He gestures to my face. "Don't stop. You have a nice smile when it's real." How is an eight-year-old so observant?

"You are one smart boy you know that." I ruffle his hair.

"I GOT DINNER!" we hear Jessica yell from the front door.

We finish setting the table just as Jessica walks into the dining room with Michael right behind her.

"Riley, you're here? What a nice surprise!" She places the food on the table and embraces me into a hug.

Nathan wastes no time reaching for the bag of Chinese takeout, but Jessica slaps his hand away. After a few more words exchanged between Jessica and I, she pulls each container out of places it in the middle of the table. The four of us take our seats around the table and start to serve ourselves.

Michael starts to ask about work and tell him that everything is going good. I ask about the café. They try to down play how they are hanging on. I won't let anything happen to where they'll lose the café. They invested so much into it.

We continue to talk about everything going on in our lives. Nathan talks about school and his favorite classes. I don't mean to be rude, but I keep counting down the minutes until I'm home and can talk to Lucas. If it because daily, I would be totally fine with that.

We talk about Thanksgivings. They seem excited about meeting my parents, and I'm excited too. I can finally bring the two parts of life together.

Dinner starts to come to an end. Nathan gives me a hug goodbye and then disappears upstairs to get ready for bed.

"Thank you for having me for dinner."

"Anytime. You know you are always welcomed here." Jessica says as she takes her turn to hug me.

"Be safe getting home. I don't know why you live basically in the middle of nowhere." Michael has always been so concern with where I live. It's not like it's a bad location.

"I like it what can I say." I move to hug him. I pull away and make my way to the front door. "Bye. I'll see you guys soon, and if not I'll see you guys on Thanksgiving."

They both nod, "We'll be there." Michael says. "Drive safe."

I give them a quick nod and walk out of the house. They wait by the front door until I make in to my car before they scurry inside.

As soon as I get home, I waste no time going to my room to change into something comfortable and crawling into my bed. It use to feel normal, but right now it just feels empty. I know what's missing, and I know what it is. I grab my phone and call the person that is missing, that I am missing.

 _I've been waiting all day to hear your voice._

I feel heat rush to my cheeks. **_Hey Lucas. How was work?_**

 _It was amazing!_ I hear the excitement in his voice. _I never told I'd be able to help a horse give birth here in the city, but today I did! I was reminded of the whole reason I wanted to become a veterinarian in the very beginning. Not that I ever forgot, but it was as if I was in that moment again._

 ** _That's incredible Lucas!_**

 _It really was._ I try to hold my yawn in, but it fights it way through. _Are you tired? I can let you go to sleep._

 ** _No I'm okay. Just keep talking._**

He proceeds to tell me about the rest of his day. I'm trying hard to stay up. I don't know why I'm so tired. If anything he should be the one tired. It's later there then it is here. I love the fact that we were able to pick up talking to each other comfortably so fast. Even if it's about topics I don't want to talk about, like we are now.

 _Maya asked me talk to you for her._

 ** _How does she know you are talking me?_**

 _Well, her, Zay, Farkle, Smackle, and I went out for dinner. A little awkward going out with engaged couples and being the only single one._ We both laugh. _Anyways, they all kind of guessed it. Apparently I was kept smiling and Maya said it was my Riley smile._

The corner of my lips lift slightly. **_I was called Smiley Riley today by an eight-year-old. I haven't been called that in years._**

I can practically hear the smirk spreading across his face. _So what I'm hearing is that I was the reason behind your smile._

I don't say anything. Neither does he. Yes, he was the reason for the happiness I felt today, but maybe it was because letting him back into my life was like getting a piece of the old me. Maybe I need other people back in my life too.

 ** _Lucas._** I take a deep breath. **_Can I have Maya's number?_**

 _I'm pretty sure she already took your number from my phone. I'll tell her that it's okay to use it now._

 ** _Thank you._**

 _No Riley, thank you. Thank you for letting me back into your life._

I let out a small sigh. **_I'm sorry it took so long._**

We talk until I hear his breathing start to get heavy. I wondering when he would start to fall asleep because I was hanging on by a thread.

 ** _Goodnight Lucas._** I hear nothing. **_I love you._** I whisper. I immediately hang up. Hopefully he was really sleeping. I just had to get it off my chest. I love him. I always have and I know I always will.

The next two week or so Lucas and I text all day with calls late at night until one of us falls asleep. It's almost like being in high school again. I get all the butterflies in my stomach and my heart starts to flutter when I see his name flash on my phone. If one thing I confirmed, I want to be with Lucas Friar more than anything. I want to be able to call him mine.

Maya texts me every day since the night I told Lucas that I wanted her number, and honestly I'm happy I made that choice. Once her and I got past the uncomfortableness I think we both felt, I know I did, it almost felt normal to talk to her. I know we still have a long way to go before we can really repair what was broke, but now I know it's something I really want.

She tells me how Zay finally broke her down to move in with her, and how she is up to her neck with planning her wedding. I tell her not to worry because she still has more than half a year. She asks if I be willing to help her and I want to, but I can't not all the way from here.

On Friday morning, I have a hard time pulling myself from my warm comfy bed. The one downside to Seattle weather is that it has the effect of making someone want to stay in bed all day especially when they are tired. I get to work a little late and head straight to my office.

My attention gets pulled from my laptop when I hear my door being open. "Wow, you look a little tired?" Daniel another employee of mine ask. He has really dark hair basically black, but his eyes are the brightest blue that I have ever see. He's about the same height as me.

"Thanks," I say sarcastically.

"I'm just messing around. I just wanted to make sure this was okay before I post?" He says passing me his laptop.

I take it from his hands, "I told you, you don't have to keep doing this. I trust all of you to post what you want and what is appropriate." I take a quick look over it. I've never seen something this personal from him. "Are you sure you want to share this? I mean this amazingly written, but you never shared anything like this. You sign your name at the bottom of this." My phone flashes on, and I look on down to see his name. I can't help the smile that takes over my mouth.

"I have never seen you smile like that before. Who's the lucky guy?" he teases.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I hand him the laptop, "If you want to post it, do it. It's really good."

"Thank you." He heads to the door, but stops. "You know Evan isn't going to like that very much. He's been trying to get you to out with him for a year now."

I laugh to avoid the embarrassment I feel. "Get back to work Daniel."

I try to finish the piece that I'm working on, but to no success. I've been distracted lately, mostly by thoughts of Lucas. Before I know it's six and I'm staring at a half written post. I really should finish this, but Lucas is already calling. I know I shouldn't answer it because I have this to finish it. But it's Lucas, and I have a weakness for him.

I answer placing it on my phone speaker, so I don't have to hold it. **_Hello?_** I say as I try to type the thoughts that rushed to head down before I forget.

 _Is that typing I here?_ He laughs. _Are you still at work? It's 6:30 your time and you're still at work on a Friday._ Lucas voice echoes throughout my office, but I was completely zoned in on my laptop I didn't really hear. _Hello, Riley?_

 ** _Yeah, sorry. Give me a second._** I try to type as fast as I can, so I can talk to him.

There is a knock on my door, but once again I'm too focused at the task at hand to acknowledge it.

"Riley," I look up to see Evan standing in the doorway. "I was wondering since it's late and neither one of us has eaten, maybe you wanted to get a late dinner? I can even go get take out and bring it back and we can eat here." The sound of Lucas clearing his throat fills the room. Evan eyes move to my phone, "I'm sorry I didn't know you were on the phone."

"It's okay. It's a friend." I hear Lucas scoff and I'm pretty certain Evan did too. "You go. I'll probably just pick up something on the way home. I still have to finish here."

"Again with the rejection," he laughs. "You'll crack one day, I'm pretty persistent."

 _Over my dead body._ Lucas decides to chime in. I quickly move to take him off of speaker and place the call on mute so he doesn't hear anything else.

"Sorry about that." I say with a smile. I can hear faint mumbles coming from my phone.

"I guess I'm not the only one who is trying to win over the heart of Riley Matthews." He can't win something that is already taken. Lucas has my heart.

I laugh to cover the uncomfortableness I feel, "Goodnight Evan. I'll see you Monday. Remember meeting at ten."

"Goodnight Riley. Have a good weekend." He gives me one last smile before leaving. I wait until he is a good distance away before I pick up my phone.

 ** _Was that really necessary?_** I try to remain calm.

 _Who was that, and why does he think it's okay to ask you out?_ Lucas snaps.

 ** _Evan just someone I work with._**

 _Evan?! Not the same Evan from the ski lodge right?_

I roll my eyes. **_No, but there are similarities._** At least I don't think this. I think I'd be able to recognize him. I don't know why I just said that to him though. I hear him say something under his breathe. **_You don't have a right to be mad, me and you are just friends._** Even though I want to be so much more.

 _You know damn well I want to be with you, Riley!_ The rise in his voice startles me. _I'm sorry. I just don't like someone hitting on you, and I'm not there to do anything about it. I don't even know where you are!_

I scoff. **_That angry of yours still comes out sometimes, doesn't it?_**

 _I'm sorry, but this guy-_

I cut him off. **_This jealousy thing use to be kind of endearing when we were in high school and middle school, but we're adults now._**

 _Riley, I'm trying here. I'm willing to do anything to make it work._

 ** _And I'm not?!_**

He laughs a little more sarcastically than I like. _You are still hiding! How is that trying? I'm willing to relocate to be with you!_

 ** _Lucas._** I sigh. **_I'm just not ready._**

 _Damnit Riley! Am I supposed to wait until you are?!_ He shouts.

 ** _You will not talk to me like that!_** I bark back. **_When we can talk about this without you getting mad, then we will talk about the possibility of us. I want it just as much as you do, but right now I can't talk to you. Bye Lucas._**

 _Riley, wait!_

 ** _What?_** I whisper.

 _I love you._ I can hear the sincerity in his voice.

I wanted to say it more than anything. Say it when he isn't sleeping and can actually hear me, but I bite my tongue. **_Goodbye Lucas._** I hang up before my mouth can shout out the words my heart so desperately wants to say.

Within the same minute we get off the phone, he is calling back but I don't answer. He calls five times and each time I have to resist the urge of answering. I do want to be with him, soon even, but right now I can't. I can't explain it, I just can't something is telling me to wait.

It doesn't stop at just at calls, he starts texting.

 ** _Lucas_**

 ** _I'm sorry I shouldn't have reacted like that just don't shut me out please_**

 ** _Riley_**

 ** _Maybe I shouldn't have said I love you. Was it too soon?_**

 ** _You know what I'm glad I said it because I do love you!_**

There is a few more, but I stop reading them. To make sure I don't give in, I turn off my phone and put it in my purse. Why does he have this effect on me? I can be mad at him, but at the say time want to be near him. I don't know why I wasn't able to say I love you back because I do love him.

It takes me about another half hour to finish the rest of my entry. I hurriedly lock everything up and head to my car. Once again the last one to leave, but I don't mind. Maybe because every day I go home to an empty house.

Once I get home, I walk over to my kitchen place the personal size pizza I got for dinner on the counter top. I take my phone from my purse and turn it on and take a bite out of a slice as I wait. I expected to have more missed calls from Lucas, even some text messages, but I have a miss call from Maya followed by text to call her as soon as I can. So that's what I do.

As I wait for her to pick up, I take another bite. _Riley!_

 ** _Zay? Where's Maya? She told me to call._**

 _She's dealing with a very drunk Lucas right now._

I scoff. **_What happened?_**

 _The person that Lucas will never get to meet was his daughter. You were pregnant when you left and had the baby. You named her Hope_

 ** _How-How do you know about Hope?_** I stammer at first.

 _Lucas. He's here at my house and very drunk going on about you and someone named Hope Olivia Matthews. I called Farkle and asked him to come over. He is usually the one to calm him down._ I don't say anything. _Riley, please tell us where you are. He needs to know. We all need to know._

I stare down at my food, thinking maybe I should just tell them. **_I'll tell you guys soon, just not now. Take care of him please. Don't let him do anything stupid._**

I hear a deep breath from the other end. _Are you okay?_

 ** _I'll be fine._** I hear someone asking if it's me on the phone and by the slurring of the words I know it's Lucas. **_I have to go. I have to get everything ready for Auggie when he comes this weekend to spend the week with me. Bye Zay. Tell Maya to call me tomorrow._**

 _Riley!_ Lucas must have snatched the phone away from Zay because his voice is the one shouting my name from the opposite end of the call.

I don't say anything instead I just hang up. I can't deal with this right now. I place my phone down, but it glows with a new text message from a number I don't recognize.

 ** _Unknown_**

 ** _I know where you are. No more hiding Riley._**

 ** _Me_**

 ** _Who is this?_**

 ** _Unknown_**

 ** _You'll find out soon._**


	14. 14

All day Saturday I spend avoiding my phone while I get everything ready for Auggie, the guest bedroom along with deep cleaning my home. I let my parents and Auggie know that I'll be busy, but I will be there at the airport to get him when he arrives. After I do that, I turn off my phone and tuck it away. All that's been running through my head is who could it possibly be that texted me. Who knows where I am, and did they tell anyone else? Yeah I sometimes get lonely here, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to welcome everyone here in the life I created for myself. I want to, but when I choose to.

I wake up Sunday morning, well at noon, and the first thing I do it turn on my phone, to my surprise it wasn't dead. What doesn't surprise me is the amount of text messages and missed call notifications that rush in. Most of them coming from Lucas. I'm not ready to talk to him.

I hurry to get ready, since I did wake up late, and I rush out the front door. I don't even give my car much time to heat up before I'm on the road. This week is going to be about spending as much time as I can with my brother. I promised myself and him that I wouldn't be working this week besides going in tomorrow for a work meeting, or unless I'm needed. He was pretty thrilled to hear that. Whenever my parents and Aug come to visit, I'm hardly around because of work not this time though.

As I drive, I plan a few things to do with Auggie. What do teenage boys like to do anyways? As I try to think of a couple things, my phone starts to ring. I usually ignore it when I drive, but what if his plane landed early, and he's wondering where I am. So this one time, I answer it, put it on speaker and place it in the middle in the cup holder.

 _Hello?_

 _Riley! You've been MIA._ A voice whose is not Auggie greets me.

 _Maya, I've been MIA for years._ I laugh at my own joke.

 _Not funny._

 _Sorry._ I snicker.

 _I thought we were working on our friendship. If I did anything to make you-_

 _Whoa._ I cut her off. _I had my phone off. You didn't do anything. I was just busy._

 _So, this had nothing to do with Lucas?_

 _Maybe a little._

 _You know he wants to be with you._ I can basically hear the smirk grow on her lips. _And you want to be with him._

I really don't want to be talking about this right now. _Look Maya, this is between me and him. I actually have to go. I'm just getting to the airport right now._

 _Wait, you're coming home?!_ I hear excitement in her voice.

 _I am home Maya. Auggie came to spend the week of me._

 _Oh._ I hear sadness take the place of excitement.

 _I'll talk to you soon okay. Maybe even later today. Text me if you want._

I hear a sniffle. _Bye Riles._ I didn't mean to hurt her.

 _Bye M-_ I stop myself. _Bye Peaches._

 _Y-Y-You just called me Peaches._ I can tell by her voice she has a smile on her face.

 _I did. I'll talk to you soon._ And with that I hang up my phone.

I was lucky enough to find a parking spot, good thing too because I'm a lot later than I thought. I hurry to park my car and run to entrance, but I don't make it inside. He is standing outside, and he looks a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry!" I say jogging over to him. I engulf him into a hug, but he pulls away. Oh great, he's mad.

"You're late," Auggie says with an attitude.

I roll my eyes, "I know and I'm sorry. How can I make it up?"

A mischievous grin grows on his lips, "You can let me drive." I give him a look. "I got my license." I don't say anything. I just tilt my head, and stare at him. "Pleaseee," he begs.

"Fine, fine, fine. You can drive." I toss him my eyes. "But if you so much as scratch my car, you're in for it."

He waves his hands in front of him, "Ooo I'm so scared."

I turn on my heels to the car and he follows suit. I can see the excitement in his eyes to drive. I remember being the exact same way when I first started driving.

We get to the car, and he puts his luggage in the trunk.

"Are you sure you got this?" I say as I open the passenger door.

"You worry too much."

"Yeah well I have every reason to be when my baby brother is driving my car," I tease as he rolls his eyes.

We both get in the car. I hang on as tip as I can as he starts to drive away. He tries to talk, but I'm worrying too much to keep the conversation going. This must be how my parents felt when I started driving. Gosh, I owe them an apology for him.

The entire drive to my house, I turn into our mother. I'm being a backseat driver. I hated it so much when she did it to me, and here I am doing it to Auggie. He is getting annoyed, but I can't help it. I hate not being in control. I guess I really am my mother's daughter.

When he finally pulls into the driveway, the color returns back to my knuckles because I loosen my grip on the handle.

"See that wasn't go bad," he says.

"Whatever. Come on let's get inside."

As soon as we step out of the car, it starts raining heavy. Auggie hurries to get his stuff from the trunk and runs inside. I, on the other hand, am not in much a rush. I love this weather. It's one of the main factors why I picked Seattle.

"I don't know why you love this weather so much." Aug says I walk inside closing the door behind me.

"It's beautiful." I smile. I move down the hall to grab a towel from the closet for the both of us. "Here catch," I say tossing a towel at him. "How was your flight?"

"Exhausting. There was this couple behind me that wouldn't stop fighting the entire time. No wonder you only fly home once a year."

I laugh, "So, what do you want to do? Are you hungry? I can cook something order some takeout. We can eat while we watch a movie. What do you say?"

He yawns, "That sounds great, but I'm really tired. Mom woke me up way too early, and I couldn't sleep on the flight because of the shouting."

"Oh C'mon it's only three."

"Yeah, but it's late for me."

I chuckle, "In that case, it's only six."

"I have a week here with you. Don't smother me," he laughs.

"Fine, go to bed. Tomorrow though we are doing something after I get off of work." He shoots me a look. "I'm only going in tomorrow because I have a meeting and a few things I need to finish. I will try not to be too long."

"Just tomorrow?"

"I promise. Now go take a shower before my little brother gets a cold," I say as I reach to ruffle his hair. "I still can't believe you out grew me."

"We were all surprised," he laughs.

Auggie leaves to take a shower, and I clean up the water spots caused by the rain. After I get it all cleaned up, I make my way to my room so I can take a shower.

An hour goes by, and I decide to go check on him. When I open the bedroom door to the guest bedroom, I see him face down sleep on the bed. I guess he was really tired. I quietly close the door behind me. I guess I can use this time to finish my work, so I can leave earlier and surprise him by coming home earlier.

The next morning, I have to drag myself out of bed. I really hate mornings, but I can't be late to my own meeting. When I go check on Auggie, he is still fast asleep. He might have gotten up too early and went back to sleep. I did that before I got use to the time change. I leave him a note saying I left to work, and I head out the front door.

I'm the first one to get to the office, but I'm not alone for long because soon everyone starts to show up. We all move to the large table that is in the center of the room. Almost everyone is here. Erika brings doughnuts for everyone the way she does every meeting. Evan brings me a coffee, and although it's a sweet gesture, it feels awkward. I'm pretty sure they all know about his crush. Cory brings his smiling selfish, he always so happy and it's a boost to everyone's mood. Daniel and Rose are still not here.

Ten minutes go by and we are still waiting for the two. That is until my phone starts to ring.

 _Hello? Rose, where are you?_

 _I'm so sorry. My tire popped on the way to work._

 _Are you okay?_

 _Yeah I'm fine. I wasn't going too fast, so I didn't lose control. Someone is helping me change the tire right now._

 _Well that's good!_

 _I'll be in today just late._

 _Are you sure? You don't need to come in._

 _Yes, I'm sure._

 _Okay. Well then I'll see you when you get here._

I pace my phone on the table, "That was Rose. She had a little car trouble, so she's going to be late. Have any of you heard from Daniel?" I look at the three of them.

They all look at each other and back at me before shaking their heads.

"Do you guys want to start without him?" I ask the three.

Erika nods her head, "Yeah, he's always late."

"Well alright then."

"I have a question before we start," Cory says raising his hand. I nod at him to proceed. "Why do we keep having work meetings? We never discuss anything work related. I'm not complaining. I'm just curious."

I laugh. He couldn't be more right. I really am the worst boss. "What can I say I like spending extra time with all of you. I don't mean to venture off topic, it just happens." They all laugh.

"Any time with Riley, is time well spent," Evan says very coyly. He really is a nice guy, and I wish I felt something but I don't. I can't stop thinking about why he looks so familiar. I never notice that until Friday, and I've been working with him for three years now.

Before I know, we start to talk about what each one of us did over the weekend. Once again talking about something that isn't about work. My life is pretty much boring compared to theirs.

"I know I'm supposed to be checking with what you guys are working on, but I trust all of you. So, you guys can keep doing whatever it is you are doing. Unless I hear a complaint, I don't want to change anything. Don't fix what ain't broken right?"

"Ain't that the truth." I turn to face the new voice.

"How nice of you to grace of with your appearance." Erika says a little snarky.

"I'm really sorry I'm late Riley."

"It's fine, you can tell me later why you were late okay?" He nods. I know it has something to do with his mom who's currently in the hospital.

Daniel clears his throat, "You have someone looking for you."

"For me?" I point to myself.

"Yeah. He said he's a friend. I told him to wait over by your office and I'd go get you." I stand a little to look over the wall divider and my heart stops.

There is no way he is here I'm dreaming this can't be true. It can't.

"Are you okay?" Cory ask with a seriousness to his tone.

"I'm-I'm fine. Uh, you guys finish this meeting up okay. I have to take care of something."

I take a deep breath before I stand up and walk in the direction of the familiar face. With each step I draw closer, and with each step I feel panic rush throughout my body. I can just run the other way. He hasn't seen me. Before I can make a move to leave, he turns.

"Riley!" he says a little too loud.

"Hi."

"I told you no more hiding." So he was the one that texted me. He looks around the big room and then peeks into my office "So this is where you've been hiding?" I stare at him. "It's really nice."

"How did you find me?" I say ushering him into my office closing the door behind me.

"Well, Lucas he went over to Maya and Zay's house on Friday, completely drunk. He talked about you and someone else." He stops and I look at him to keep going. "He talked about Hope Olivia Matthews." My eyes go wide.

"I'm really sorry Riley that you had to go through that." He places a hand on my arm.

"It happened. I moved forward." I whisper. "Answer the question, how did you find me?"

He takes a deep breath, "When he mentioned her name, I knew exactly where I heard the name from. It was from your website." He looks at me to say something, but when I don't he continues.

"You changed your name and a few things that people that knew you before you left would know it was you, but for the most part you kept everything else to it's true self. You mentioned Seattle in a few post, but that didn't help when one I didn't know it was you and two there were other people posting who were mentioning over cities too. He said her name and it's exactly what I needed." I still don't say anything.

"You know after I found out about your website, I hired a PI to go to all the different cities mentioned." I can't help the little laugh that escapes from my lips. "Why are you laughing?"

"Does the name Rose Gallagher mean anything to you?" I watch as his eyes go wide. "You sent her here to Seattle about two years ago."

"How do you know about her? She told me she didn't find anything."

Again I let a laugh escape, "She found me." I didn't think his eyes could open any wider, but they do. The sound of the bells on the front door of the building grabs my attention. I look out my office window to see Rose just getting in. "Look through the window there, and look to the left. You'll see a red head there."

"What is she doing here?"

"I hired her," I smile at him. "To be perfectly honest here, I was the one who found her. She was sitting on a bench down the street from the café I go to, so she was really close to finding me. She might have. Anyways, she was crying and I don't know why but I felt like I needed to comfort her, so I did."

"She didn't look at me, but she was going on and on about how she was looking for someone for weeks with no luck. If she didn't find this person, she was going to have to give the money back that she was paid, but that wasn't an option for her. I just rubbed her back as she cried into her hands."

"You are still the same Riley," Farkle says as he gazes at me.

"Maybe in some ways." I clear my throat, "When she finally looked at me, her frown went away and a smile came into place. I thought maybe she was smiling because I was smiling first, but that wasn't it. She told me I was the person she was looking for. I was a little scared."

He opens he mouth to say something, but I hold my finger up. "I begged her not to report back to whoever it is that hired her. I didn't know who would do that, and how did they even know to look in Seattle."

"That's why she wired back the money," he whispers.

"I moved her into a little studio to help her get on her feet; she was living in her car. Well, she talked about all the cases she's done and all the places she went. I thought it was amazing, so I hired her here. She's actually a really good friend. I never knew who hired her, I never pried I didn't want to know."

I sigh, "The thing is, I don't think any of you were supposed to know where I was. I normally don't walk when I go to the café, but the day I met Rose I decided to because it was a really beautiful day and I wanted to enjoy it. I stopped her from telling you where I was, and I'm happy I did. I was still in a bad place then, and I would have been mad at all of you for finding me."

"Everything plays out the way it's supposed to I presume," he says.

"That it does."

He lets out a deep breath, "How are you really doing now? Are you still in a bad place?"

I shake my head, "I'm okay," I say softly.

"No you aren't. I can tell."

"You've always been able to tell," I give a small smile. "What are you doing here Farkle? You came all this way for a reason. I hope it isn't to bring me back because that isn't going to happen."

"I'm not here to take you back. I'm here because well I miss you, and Lucas."

"What does Lucas have to do with any of this?"

"He wanted me to talk to. He thinks I'm the only one that can convince to go back to New York, but I told him if anyone can it's him."

"Does he know where you are?" Farkle shakes his head. "Good. I'm not going back even if I wanted to I can't leave."

"Why not?" he asks confused.

"Are you busy right now?" Again he shakes his head. "We are going to go for a little drive."

I grab my purse and walk out of my office and he follows right behind. I tell my employees that I'm leaving for the day, but if they need me don't hesitate to call. I see with the corner of my eye Farkle wave at someone. I don't look at who it is, I just assume it's Rose. I tell Farkle to follow me because if things go south I'm going to need my own getaway car.

I'm having second thoughts the closer we get. This is the only way I can get him to understand everything. The way I feel deep down and why I can't leave. My heart starts racing because I'm nervous. No one has been here to see her besides me, Jessica, Michael and Nathan. Once the tombstones come into view, I look in the rearview mirror and I see the expression on his face change.

I pull into the gates with him right behind me. She is no longer a secret. We park off to the side. I get out of my car, but Farkle doesn't he just sits there staring at nothing. I walk over to his car and knock on his window and he rolls it down.

"Are you coming?"

"Riley, you don't have to do this."

"Just come please. You want to know why I can't leave, then come." I walk away in the direction where she lays.

I look back and Farkle is still sitting in his car. He'll come out, I know he will.

"Hope, you are going to meet one of my very best friends, once he decides to get out of the car." I say as I stand looking down at her grave marker.

Once again I sit down and brush the leaves that have fallen. "You'll meet your uncle Auggie too," I say running my fingers across the lettering the way I always do.

I hear the sound of leaves crunching behind, I look back and see Farkle walking towards me. I move to stand up, "So you finally decided to join me."

"Yeah sorry," he whispers.

"Why didn't you want to come?"

"Because I didn't want to invade on a place that you call your haven." I tilt my head in confusion. "You wrote about it."

"I guess I never realized how personal I got. It's easy when I hide behind a name that isn't mine."

I watch him as his eyes move to read the words that are engraved. I know he feels bad about being, but I was the one that chose to show him this place.

"Farkle this is Hope, Hope this is Farkle." I look at him and I can tell he is a little uncomfortable. "I didn't mean to make you feel uneasy. I just wanted you, in some way, to meet my daughter. This is the only way."

"It's okay." I take my seat back on the floor and he follows suit. "Hi Hope," he says quietly.

"I talk to her all the time. I come here all the time."

"This is the reason you can't leave, isn't it?"

I nod my head, "What kind of mother would I be if I just left her? Not a very good one."

"Aren't you lonely though? I know you've met people here, but it can't be the same."

"It isn't." I look down at my hands.

"Why don't you tell Lucas where you are? He'd come to be with you. I know you want to be with him, but you aren't allowing yourself to be happy."

"Because I don't deserve it," I mumble under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What did you say Riley?"

"Nothing."

He scoffs, "Seriously, Riley what did you say?"

"I said I don't deserve it okay!" I snap.

I can feel his eyes on me as I stare down, "Why would you think that?"

"Because it's true! I don't deserve to be happy and I sure in the hell don't deserve Lucas." Farkle puts two fingers under my chin to lift my head to look at him. "I'm fine."

"No you aren't. Talk to me Riley."

"Fine you want me to talk. I hate myself. I hate myself from keeping her from him. How can he forgive me when I can't forgive myself for what I did? I try to say I did the right thing, but I didn't!" tears start to form in my eyes. "I can't be with Lucas even though every bone in my body wants to more than anything. I want to tell him where I am, but I can't. I'm fighting with myself every day to not give into it."

"He loves you. He wants to be with you more than anything else in this world. Yes, there is going to be some things to talk through but if anyone can do it, it's you and Lucas. You two were meant for each other."

Tears slip out from my eyes, "I love him too with everything in me. If he were here I'd do everything I can to keep him with me."

"So let me tell him where you are," Farkle insist.

"No Farkle!" I shout. My vision is a little blurred, "You will not tell this secret. I know you mean well, but if you say anything I will never forgive you."

"Riley."

"No I will never forgive you."

He stares at me, and I hope he can see how serious I am about that. An alert on my phone pulls me out of the gaze.

 _Aug_

 _Where are you?_

 _Me_

 _I'll be home soon._

I brush my tears away, "I have to go. I have Auggie herein Seattle. How long are you in town for? Maybe we the three of us can do something."

"Just today," he smiles. "No one was able to reach you, so I thought I'd take a trip. Plus, you wouldn't be able to run away."

We both go to stand up. I tell hope goodbye and so does Farkle and I can't help the smile that form on my lips.

"So how is the wedding planning going?" I ask as we walk back to our cars trying to avoid bringing up the topic of Lucas.

"It's on halt. Smackle doesn't want to get married until she's done getting her masters which I agree too since I'm working on mine as well. I hope you'll be there."

"Of course I will. You're one of my best friends."

He smiles, "Even after all those years?"

"Even then."

He gives me a hug, and we just hold each other for a minute.

"I won't tell your other secret either." he whispers near my ear.

I pull away, "What secret?"

"That it really is Evan that is working for you." I look at him confused. "Evan from ski lodge. The one Lucas got jealous of because you spent all night talking to him."

"That's Evan?"

His eyes go wide, "You didn't know?" I shake my head. "How did you not know?"

I shrug my shoulder, "I just thought he looked familiar."

"I would think you would remember him since you remember everything about that trip."

"Correction, I remember Lucas' moment everything else about that weekend fizzled away." I smile at the thought of it.

"Well, both your secrets are safe me with," Farkle smiles at me.

"Thank you."

We give each other one last hug before I watch him get in his car and drive away. I sit in my car thinking a little longer. How did I really not notice it was Evan? Why didn't he ever say anything?

My phone glows with a notification.

 _Aug_

 _Hello, did you forget about me?_

Answer to those questions are just going to have to wait. I promised my brother a fun week.

 _Me_

 _I'll be there in twenty minutes._


	15. 15

On Monday, once I get home it started to pour and Auggie refused to leave. Why he hates the rain is something I will never understand, so instead of doing something, we stay at home, dry, and order a couple of movies off of pay per view and order in some food. This was something we always use to do when I was in New York. We joke and laugh and talk. We talked about Ava and he tried talk about Lucas and I, but I derailed the conversation. He only mentioned him because my phone kept going off with calls or text for him that I ignored. I ignored my phone all together. By the end of the night we were both exhausted.

On Tuesday, Auggie and I both spelt in a little longer. I was the one who went to go jump on him to wake him up. Once we were both up and ready, we leave to start our day. I show him two important places of mine. First, was the café where Auggie met Michael, Jessica and Nathan. Michael and Jessica both took a liking to Auggie and vice versa. Nathan and Auggie talked amongst themselves about Nathan's football game next week and the cheerleader who has his heart, so Auggie gave him some relationship advice.

The second place, is Hope. When we first got there, he didn't get out of the car. I knew he would feel uncomfortable, so I told him to stay in the car. I went to go talk to her, and as I was standing looking down Auggie comes and puts his arm around my shoulder. He asked if he could have a moment, so I gave him to him. I watched from the distance as his lips moved and my heart felt warm. I wish I knew what he said, but that is something between the two of them.

When we leave, I told him he could drive and to wherever he chooses. He picked the one place I didn't want him to. The space needle. We go there every single time he comes, and each time I never go up. I hate heights, but Auggie loves it.

He forced me out of the car and pleaded with me to go up. That takes about ten minutes, but he was able to finally get me on the elevator to go up. I was a nervous wreck the whole way up, but Auggie tried his best to keep my distracted. Even though, I made it up, I counted the seconds until I was back on the ground. I felt like the structure was swaying. I didn't let Auggie know how scared I was because I saw how much he loved it. He took picture after picture with his phone.

We spent hours up there. When we finally came down, Auggie apologized for making me go up. He had nothing to apologize for. I don't think I would do that again though.

Today, I wake up a little earlier than normal. I roll over and reach for my phone and once again Lucas is bombarding my phone. One text is particular catches my eye.

 _Lucas_

 _FARKLE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE!_

Great! I wonder how much Farkle can take before he gives into the wrath of Lucas. I'm just praying he doesn't go Texas Lucas. Who am I kidding? He just might. I need to talk to Farkle.

 _Hello?_

 _Farkle!_ I shout. _Lucas knows you know!_

 _I know._ He says mildly annoyed. _I didn't tell him, so don't worry._

 _Thank you._

 _You should tell him though._ I scoff. _Listen to me. He is hanging on by a thread Riley. He's getting mad because he feels like he is so close to being with you, but at the same time so far away. If you really want to be with him, you need to act on it. I understand you have to resolve feelings about yourself first, but I really think he can help you with that. Just let him try._

 _Farkle, can you do me a favor? If I try to do it myself, I'll just back out at the last minute._

 _Anything. What is it?_

Before I can answer, Auggie barges through my door. "Goodmorning!" he woke up in a good mood. I look over, and he's already dressed for the day. "What's on the agenda for today?"

 _Tell Auggie I said hi._ Farkle laughs.

"Farkle says hi," I relay the message.

"Sup Farkle," Auggie yells. "I'll be down stairs eating some cereal," he says closing the door behind him.

 _I'll email you what I need you to do. Thank you so much! I'll talk to you soon okay._

 _One last thing, talk to Maya. She said she hasn't talked to you since Friday, and she has some news she wants to share with you before she tells the rest of us._

 _I'll call her and tell Lucas not to give up please. You'll find out soon why. Bye Farkle._

 _Bye Riley._

After I get on my phone, I open my email and type on the details out of what I need Farkle to do for me. I reread twice and I have to force myself to send it. I toss my phone on my bed, and lock myself in my bathroom to get ready for the day.

After about half an hour, I'm finally ready for the day. I move to grab my phone and as I walk towards to door, the light on my phone flashes on. I stop and look down to see Lucas' name.

 _Lucas_

 _I guess I'll be seeing you soon. At least that's what Farkle told me. I hope it's true._

 _Me_

 _It is._

 _Lucas_

 _You texted back? Well, I can't wait to see you!_

I don't text back. I close my bedroom door behind me and down the hall and towards the stairs. I'm halfway down the stair, when I feel my phone vibrate in my hand.

 _Lucas_

 _In case I don't hear from you the rest of the day, I love you Riley Matthews. Always have and always will._

I can't help the smile that grows on my face and the butterflies awake in my stomach. I stare at my phone rereading the text as I finish the rest of the steps.

"Who's the reason behind that smile?" Auggie voice startles me, and I trip over my own feet. I quickly shove my phone in my pocket.

"No one."

He scoffs, "Okay. Well, when you decide to text Lucas back tell him I say hi." He starts to laugh.

His laugh starts to fade along with the smile, "Riley, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course," I say plopping myself next to him on the couch. I see nervousness wash over his face. "Hey whatever it is, you can talk to me."

He takes a deep breath, "I've always been kind of mad at you for dropping out of college," my eyes lock on his, but he quickly looks away. "You don't know the kind of pressure mom started to put on me once you told her what you did. It was like she expected me to be the child you were supposed to be."

I open my mouth, but he doesn't let me talk. "She talks about me going to college to become a law like her or even a doctor. School is hard for me. I would drown in law or medical school, but she doesn't seem to understand that. I mean I barely manage getting b's now in high school."

Our matching brown eyes lock, and he is wearing a stern look. "I need you to help me tell mom that I want to go to NYU and study photography." A smile slowly creeps to his face, "It's something I'm really good at, at least that's what my photography teacher says. He submitted some of my pictures into a contest and the winner gets a five-thousand-dollar scholarship," his face is beaming with joy. "I don't think I have a chance, but for my teacher to think I have a chance means a lot."

"I love it. Learning about so many different photographers and their techniques. It's amazing. I want to learn more. Riley, I need to learn more, so I really need your help with mom." Now I know what my dad meant when he said that I found my calling because I think Auggie just did.

"I'm there for you. When do you want to tell her? They come in late tonight."

He shakes his head, "I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving, but before we leave I want to tell her."

"Well whenever you choose to, I'm there." He nods his head. "Hey Aug," he looks at me. "How did you get into photography?"

He looks at me, "Well, when you left I really missed you. I mean you barely called at all in the beginning, I understand why now because of everything that happened," his eyes stay locked on me studying my face, but I just signal him to continue. "I spent a lot of time in your room because sometimes it felt like you were still in New York, and you were just hanging out with you friends or something and you'd be home any minute."

Without thinking, I reach over to grab his hand. "Auggie I'm sorry. I was, I am kind of a horrible sister."

"Are you kidding me? You're the best sister anyone could ask for! Yeah the first year in a half or so sucked with only getting a five-minute phone call twice a month, but that doesn't dismiss everything else you've done for me. Like when I was eleven, and I had my tonsils removed the day before Halloween. I was so mad that I was going to miss out on all the sugary goodness, but I didn't because of you. While I was stuck in bed, you were out trick or treating for hours for me. The best part was I didn't miss a single second of it because the whole time we were facetiming."

He smiles, "When you got home, you showed me the pillow case that was more than half way full. You were apologizing for not getting enough, but all I thought about was how I had the best sister in the world. That's only one of the millions of things you've done for me. I'm really lucky to call you my sister."

My eyes start to water with happy tears, "Awww Auggie!" I waste no time engulfing him into my embrace. After a minute, we let go. "You're a pretty amazing little brother, the best."

He laughs, "Okay, enough with all this mushy stuff back to your question. Well I kept going into your room every once in a while, and I don't know why but the camera Uncle Shawn gave to you always caught my attention. One day, I took it out." I'm about to same something, but he beats me to it. "I know I know I should have asked. I'm sorry. Anyways, I started taking pictures of everything and anything. Some of them came out pretty cool, actually really cool. I still didn't know what exactly I was doing, so Uncle Shawn taught me. He showed me how to focus a camera, using the right light and right angle."

I saw excitement and passion written all over his face as he talked about it. This is what he really wants, and I'm going to do everything I can for him to get that.

"I know it's your camera, but-"

I cut him off, "No, you have it. I love that Uncle Shawn gave it to me, but I never used it. Maybe a few times, but I capture an image by using my words."

His eyes go wide, "I can really have it?" I nod. "Thank you!" he wraps his arms around me. "I actually brought it with me. I can go grab it, and we can leave."

He runs the stairs, "I'll be waiting the car then." I shout after him.

As I wait for him in the car, I pull out my phone to text Maya.

 _Me_

 _Farkle said you needed to talk to me._

I press send and wait for a response, but not even a minute later she's calling.

 _Riles, I'm pregnant!_ I can hear the joy in her voice.

 _Congratulations!_

 _So, we moved the wedding up a little._

 _How much is a little?_

 _In two weeks._ She laughs

My eyes go wide. _That isn't a little bit Maya._

 _I don't want to wait any longer. I want to be married to Zay. We are going to start a family. I do have one thing to ask you._ I see Auggie coming out of the house. _I want you up there next me, and I know we aren't exactly past everything yet. I don't want to look back and regret not having you there where you were supposed to me._

Auggie gets in the car. _Can we talk about this later? I was actually on my way out with Auggie. I'll call you later._

 _Uh okay. Bye._

 _Bye Maya._

Auggie looks at me, and I shake my head. "It's nothing. So where are we going?"

He shrugs his shoulders, "Wherever you want. As long as I can take pictures of something."

"Soo, you wouldn't mind if I stopped by work," Auggie rolls his eyes. "Oh come on. I won't be long. I just want to check on everything, and there is stuff for you to do that's around the building. I'm sure you can find something to take pictures of."

"Fine," he huffs.

I can tell he is irritated. I promised him no more work after I had to make a quick detour on the way home from the cemetery Monday and took longer than twenty minutes to get home. But something has been on my mind since the seeing Farkle.

Once I park on the street, Auggie gets out of the car and starts to walk away. But I call after him.

"Auggie!" he turns around.

"What?"

"I'll only be ten minutes I promise. If I'm any longer, you can go in there and drag me out." I smile at him, and he tries to hide he's smile.

"Ten minutes and I'm come get you." I nod, and he turns on his heels to walk away. I do the say heading the opposite direction.

Everyone is sitting down on their laptops when I enter, but the turn the attention to me when they hear the door. Evan is by my side in a second, and now knowing who he is I feel guilty and a little more uneasy than I usually feel around him. The rest of my employees wave over hi, but the stay focus.

"Evan can I talk to you?" A smile grows on his face.

I start to walk to my office, and he follows on my heels. Once we are alone, I waste no time in asking questions.

"Why didn't you tell me who you were?"

His eyes go wide as a smile spreads on his lips, "I'm guessing Farkle told you who I am."

I nod, "Why didn't you? I came back in Monday looking for you after I found out, but you were already gone. Did you know who I was? I mean obviously you did, you remembered Farkle."

He lets out a light laugh, "At first I didn't recognize you at all actually, I mean you did look familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. I think it was like a week after you had hired me, I decided to finally read some of your post on the website. In one of them, you talk about a dream you had. It was about being back at the ski lodge with someone sitting at the bay window, and he pulls a red little box out. You said he was recreating a moment, but this time it was a ring."

He smiles, "I wondered why I was about to see it so clearly. I thought maybe it was the way you put an immense amount of detail, but that wasn't it. It was the fact that I there when the first moment was created, and that's when I remembered who you were."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

He takes a deep breath, "I kept reading, and you mentioned more than once wanting to leave behind your old life and move forward. That the only people you wanted from that life was your family. I didn't say anything because I was a part of that life, and you what if you didn't want me around because I was a reminder."

"You could have told me, I wouldn't have-" I stop myself. "Okay I might have told you it wasn't going to work out. I'm sorry." I smile. "How did you end up here in Seattle?"

"My mom wanted a fresh start my sophomore year. Once I graduated, I was going to back but never did. This place grew on me, kind of became home." It kind of reminded me Lucas.

"Didn't you want to be a uh, what was it again?" I ask.

"A Sherpa."

I smile, "Yeah that."

"I'm still young."

My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket, and I try to ignore it but it doesn't stop. I pull it out, "Sorry." I say looking at Evan.

"It's okay."

I see I have multiple text messages from Lucas.

 _Lucas_

 _It finally hit me that I'm finally going to see you. That I'm going to know where you are._

 _Do you know how happy I am?_

 _You're beautiful Riley Matthews._

 _I'm going to do whatever I can to make you mine again. I love you._

As I read the texts, I can feel my cheeks hurt a little because of the smile that took over my face. I really do want to be with him, but we do need to finish talking some issues out.

"I've been around for three years, and you've never smiled like that before." His voice pulls me back of my Lucas daze. "Well I have once. That weekend at the ski lodge with-" he searches his mind for the name.

"When I was with Lucas." I finish for him.

"Yeah him. You left to New York for that week and you came back happier. I'm betting he had something to do with it." I don't say anything. "I'm also betting he was the one that was on the phone that one day I came into your office."

I nod, "He was."

"Riley, I don't really know what happened between the two of you, but if I remember correctly, I saw the look I told you about all those years ago." I cock my head to the side in confusion. "He opened possibilities for you that you didn't think was possible. Whether he gave you confidence to believe that, or it was something else. It doesn't change the fact that he was the cause behind it. You loved him then and you still do now." He lets out a sigh, "What I'm trying to say if whatever happened between you to is fixable. Fix it."

"Thank you Evan."

"For what?" he looks confused.

"For saying everything that you just said. I just didn't expect you to be the one to tell me anything regarding me being with someone else, since you-" I stop myself.

"Since I've been pining after you for a while now." I nod. "You're amazing Riley, and you deserve to be happy. I haven't known you since I was little, but I see you push anyone away if they get too close."

I scoff, "how would you know that?"

"I observe things about me and you happen to be one of those." He looks at me, "That sounds creepy, what I'm trying to say it allow yourself to be happy. Stop blaming yourself for what happened with your daughter." My eyes go wide. "You share a lot about yourself when you know people don't know it's you."

He starts to move to the door to leave "Evan," I say as he reaches for the door. "Really thank you."

He smiles, "Anytime."

I walk out of my office right after him and tell everyone goodbye. Once I'm outside, I can see Auggie in the distance walking towards me. My ten minutes must have been up. He sees me moving towards him, but something catches his eye and he captures it in a picture.

My phone starts to vibrate. I expect to see another message from Lucas, but it isn't.

 _Evan_

 _Please don't wait too long to be happy._

I stare at my phone and read the message. Farkle did say earlier that Lucas was hanging on by a thread, and if I lose him because I waited I'd hate myself even more. I won't ruin my plan though. I just need him to know to keep holding on, but from me.

I click on Lucas' name and put the phone to my ear and hear listen to the ring, but he doesn't answer.

 _I'm sorry I couldn't get to the phone. I was probably saving an animal or coming up with a master plan to get Riley back. If this is Riley, well than I love you. Beep._

My heart starts to flutter. He is amazing.

 _That is some voicemail you have there._ I laugh. _I just I wanted to call and tell you not to give up on me please._ I pause and I can feel my heart beat fasten. _And one last thing, I love you too, Lucas._


	16. 16

I'm fast asleep, when my mom barges into my room on Thanksgiving morning, waking me up. I rub my eyes and look at the clock on my bedside table, it's barely 6:47. Why would she want to wake me up so early? She knows I am not a morning person.

"Mom, why are you waking me up right now?" I say groggy. "The sun isn't even up yet."

"We have a lot to do," I throw the blanket over my head. "No, no, no," she pulls the blanket away. "You get up. I'll help okay."

I groan, "Why don't you do everything?"

"Didn't you say you were going to host, Riley?"

I tiredly smile, "Technically I am. I mean it's my house. You just get to do all the fun stuff." She gives me one of those if looks can kill looks and I sit up. "Okay, okay, I'm up."

"Good, I'll meet you in the kitchen," she says walking out my bedroom door.

I sit up and blindly reach for my phone only to find that it isn't there. That's right Auggie and I turned off our phones to enjoy the last day of it just being the two of us before our parents go into town. My phone is probably downstairs in my purse.

I pull myself off my bed and drag my feet across my bedroom floor to my bathroom. I brush my teeth and quickly rush down the stairs. I don't bother even bother to change. Once I'm downstairs, I see my purse sitting on the table I have near the front door. I dig through hurryingly trying to turn it on. I haven't talked to Lucas since I left the voicemail for it. I keep waiting for the screen to turn on, but it doesn't; of course, it's dead.

I let out a frustrated sigh, I should have charged it last night. But when we got in last night, it was already late and I was exhausted. All I was thinking about at the time was my bed. Right as I'm about to make a move to go back up the stairs to put it to charge, my mom calls my name from behind me. I turn my head slightly to look at her.

"I'll be right back. I'm just going to go plug my phone in."

She takes a few steps towards me reaching out her hand, "I'll care of that. You still have those sleepy eyes. If I let you go up there, you'll wait for your phone to charge and lay down."

I let out a small laugh, "You're right." I hand my phone over.

My mom starts to walk up the stairs, and I saunter to the kitchen. Once I get in there, I see that my mom had already started making her homemade stuffing to stuff the turkey. Thank goodness she made it, I thought she would want me to, but I wouldn't be able to not as well as her anyways.

I hear my mom's footsteps enter the kitchen. She is so wide awake, and here I am fighting to keep my eyes open. It's a little after seven, but I guess for her it would ten. My mom and I dance around each other in the kitchen, more like I'm trying to stay out of her way.

Around eight, my mom slides the turkey in the oven and gets started on breakfast. I try to help, but it only seems like I'm getting in the way.

"Mom, do you need my help or do you want me to just sit and talk with you? I am capable of cooking."

She starts to laugh, "Just sit and talk to me about something. How has your week been with Auggie?"

I take a seat at the island, and go on to tell her everything that we did this week. The big surprise to her was that I finally made it to the top of the Space Needle. She thought she'd die before she saw the day come. My fear of heights is that serious. But the biggest surprise of all is that I hired Evan from ski lodge and been working with him for years without realizing who he was.

"Does that mean Lauren is here?" she says a little snarky and I can't help the snicker that escapes.

"I really don't know."

"How about we don't mention that to your father." I laugh.

"What don't we want to mention to me?" my dad says walking into the kitchen. "Everything smells delicious. Is there anything for me to eat right now?"

"Right here Cory," my mom says placing a plate in front of my dad as he takes a seat in the stool next to me.

My dad takes a bite of toast, and my mom thinks she is in the clear. "So what isn't that you didn't want to me mentioned to me?" my dad asks with a mouth full of food looking from my mom to me.

"Oh nothing, just someone from my office who keeps trying to ask me out."

My dad starts choking, "No, no, no. You can't date anyone else! You and Lucas are working everything out."

My mom starts laughing, "He's become a fan of Lucas."

"Since when?" I look at my dad. "You've always been afraid of him."

"Yeah because I know the story. He's your Topanga."

I stand up laughing, "There's only one Topanga and you have her, but I understand and I think he is too." I look at my mom, "I'm going to wake up Auggie and then start getting reading. It's already 10:30 and I told Michael, Jessica, and Nathan to come around 1:30. I'll hurry down, so I can help with everything else."

I start to walk and then turn to face them, "I'm really happy you guys are here."

The smile that shines from both my parents' faces warms my heart. This is the most I've seen them in one year, and I don't know how I did it but I'm never doing it again.

"So are we," he smiles. "Good luck. I tried waking him up before I came down, he sleeps like a log," my dad laughs.

When I get upstairs, I go to Auggie's room and see his face buried in the pillows. I don't hesitate to jump on him to wake up. He groans and pushes me off. I don't stop messing with him. It takes about ten minutes until he becomes frustrated and sits up in bed. Once I know he is up and not going to go back to sleep once I leave, I leave to my room to go take a shower.

Once I'm out, I move to my closet. I search through my closet pushes my clothes around. I decide on burgundy oversize knitted sweater with black leggings and dark brown booties. It takes me a lot longer than I thought to get ready because when I check the time it's noon. I grab my phone that I have yet to check.

As soon as I walk back into the kitchen, I get hit with an aroma. My mom moves around the kitchen, and I see my dad sitting there admiring her every move. It's almost like they haven't moved since I left, but they have since they are both wearing new clothes.

I clear my throat and they both turn to look at me. I move deeper into the kitchen and place my phone on the counter. "Do you need my help with anything?"

"No that's okay. I have everything taken care of," my mom says and then turns back to the stove.

I sneak up behind my mom and hug her, "You're the best you know. I haven't had a Thanksgiving dinner that you cooked in years."

She looks at me and smiles, "I know. Why do you think I wanted to do everything this year, but next year you are doing everything."

"Deal," I give her one last squeeze before letting go. I look around the kitchen, "Where's Auggie? Did he ever come down? I went to go wake him up."

"He came down to eat and then went back up he said he needed to call Ava," my dad answers.

That reminds me I still need to check my phone. I move back to where I set my phone down and look through all the messages I have and miss calls I have from Lucas, Maya, Farkle, Zay, and a few from Smackle. Before I can check anything, my door bell fills my ears.

I put my phone down and walk to the front door with my parents on my heels. The closer I get I can hear my name being shouted from the other end of the door.

As soon as I open the door, Nathan lunges at me squeezing me tight, "Where's Auggie?" he says releasing his hold. Jessica and Michael laugh walking in.

"He's upstairs. You can run up there and go-" he doesn't let me finish before he turns to run upstairs, but Michael grabs him by his shoulder to stop him.

"Now, son don't be rude," he pulls Nathan back.

"I'm sorry," Nathan walks and stops in front of my parents. "I'm Nathan," he says holding out his hand.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Cory, Riley's dad," my dad and Nathan shake hands

"And I'm Topanga, Riley's mom," Nathan lets go of my dad hands and shakes my mom's.

After the introduction, he turns on his heels and dashes up the stairs. He's about half way up when he looks down at me, "Riley, there was a mistake with the game schedule. It's this Saturday!" he sounds nervous. He exaggerates his breathing, "I need Auggie's help," he disappears up the stairs.

Jessica starts to laugh, "I'm sorry about him. The whole way here he was going on about needing to talk to Auggie about something important," she shakes her head. "Where are my manners, I'm Jessica," she holds out her hand to shake both my parents' hands.

Michael steps forward extending his hand, "I'm Michael. It's nice to finally meet the both of you. We've heard a lot about you and Auggie. We actually met Auggie earlier this week. You have two wonderful kids."

"They're our pride and joy," my dad says smiling at me.

My phone starts to ring from the kitchen. "If you guys will excuse me, I'm going to go get that."

As I turn to walk away, I can hear the four of them talking and I can't help the smile that slowly spreads across my face. I make it to the kitchen and I hurry to my phone on the counter top. Right as I grab it, it stops ringing. I go to look at my miss calls, but before I can get a chance to see the miss call, my phone starts to ring and the corner of my lips slowly lift.

 ** _Hey Lucas._** I say coyly. **_Happy Thanksgiving!_**

 _Oh, you finally answered! I was getting worried you didn't answer anyone calls I thought maybe you didn't want to talk to me, so I had everyone calling you._ I can hear the excitement and nerves in his voice. _Oh, Happy Thanksgiving to you too Riley._

I lightly laugh. **_I'm sorry. Auggie wanted one last day with just me and him, no distraction, so we turned off our phones. Then today I've been busy with it being Thanksgiving and all and haven't had time to check my phone._**

 _Do you want to know what I'm most thankful for?_

A smile takes over my face. **_What?_** I try to my best to hide my eagerness.

He chuckles, and it sends chills down my spine. _That this year I can wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and not have to say it to a picture of you that I might have taken from your parents' apartment._

 ** _Lucas Friar!_** I gasp.

 _What?_ He laughs. _I needed a current picture of you. I actually have four for every year you've gone._

 ** _But I've been gone for five._**

 _I know. I usually take the new photo they take of you when you come to visit for Christmas. Last year, your dad wrapped it up and gave it to me. I think he caught on when the pictures kept missing after my visits. I know it's kind of-_

 ** _Sweet._** I smile finishing for him.

 _I was going to say creepy, but we can go with sweet… So, I heard your voicemail._

I blush. **_I assumed you would._** I laugh.

 _Did you really mean it?_ I can hear the nerves in his voice.

I open my mouth to say something, but instead my dad's voice fills the room. "Are we going to eating anytime soon? You know before I'm dead," the room uproars with laughter.

"Yeah, we can sit down right now. Just give me a minute."

My dad smiles, "Tell Lucas we said Happy Thanksgiving."

 _I heard him. Tell everyone I said Happy Thanksgiving._

 ** _You do the same too, but from me._**

I hear a nervous laugh. _Well I'll talk to you later. Bye Riley._

 ** _Wait!_** I say a little too loud and he laughs. **_I did mean what I said. I love you, Lucas. I never stopped._**

I hear a sigh a sound a relief. _I love you, too, Riley, so much._

I can't help the little giggle that escapes my lips. **_Bye Lucas._**

 _Bye Riley. I'll be seeing you soon._

I hang up the phone and immediately call Farkle. He doesn't answer the first time, but I try once more and he does. I tell him that plans change and I need for Lucas to be here Saturday. I insist on paying for everything, but Farkle refuses to let me. I feel like he himself is planning something else, and honestly it's making me a little nervous.

* * *

We all move to the dining room and sit down around the table. Each one of us going around saying one thing that we are grateful for. I never knew how much I missed having Thanksgiving with my family. Dinner is anything but silent. Conversation fills the air along with silverware hitting plates. This is the first time my house has felt like a home. I can't help the smile that exudes from my lips. I hear Jessica ask my mom advice about helping her café stay afloat. My dad and Michael basically swallowed their food whole, so they could watch the football game. And Nathan has been glued to Auggie's side since they got here. I'm just sitting here taking it all in. Dinner moves along quicker than I would like. Everything is going great. This is definitely a moment I will never forget.

Time continues to go by, it's around five when Jessica gets up and tries to start cleaning up but I stop her. She shouldn't have to clean I can do it later.

"I think we should held out now if you want to go see your parents still," Michael says moving from the couch to the dining room to Jessica.

"Oh yeah that's right. I almost forgot." She looks at me, "We don't mean to be rude."

I shake my head, "No, no. I understand."

"Nathan come say bye," Jessica looks at the other couch where he is sitting. Nathans glides his way to where we are standing with my dad and Auggie right behind him.

We all exchange goodbyes and Nathan makes sure I'm going to be there Saturday at his game. He extends the invitation to my parent and Auggie. We all agree to be there, and with that leave. I wait to the door closes until I speak.

"Is it too late for you guys to want to go somewhere?" I swift my gaze between my mom and dad. They shake they heads. "I want to take you guys somewhere."

* * *

We pull into the cemetery, and the car is quiet. I finally park, and I turn to look at my parents who were sitting in the back seat. Auggie called shot gun. The steal glances between each other and out the window, and then they finally look at me.

"I brought Auggie earlier this week. I don't really know why. She isn't here, but this is the only way you will ever be able to meet her. I know it's my fault and I'm-"

"You don't have to apologize for anything," my mom says placing a hand on my shoulder stopping midsentence.

"Do you guys want to get out?" I ask a little hesitantly.

"Of course," my dad instantly says.

We slowly get out of the car and I make sure to grab the flowers I stopped to get. I noticed my mom is fighting herself with each step we take. Something is wrong, but I try not to think about it. When we finally make it to the grave marker, I can see my mom's eyes wondering and my dad's eyes are locked on my mom. Auggie is standing there watching everything the way I am.

I pull my gaze away and squat down. I run my fingers across the letters. I need to do this every time I come. I replace the old dying flowers with the new and alive ones. In the corner of my eyes, I see my mom scurry away. My dad tries to go after her, but I stop him.

"Let me please," I say to my dad and he nods his head.

I walk in the direction my mom went. I throw away the flowers as I pass a trash can. When I get to her, she is standing by the car with her face in her hands.

"Mom, I'm sorry," I say approaching her. "Maybe this was a bad idea.

"N-N-No," she swallows the lump in her throat. "This wasn't a bad idea. I just I should have known something this terrible was happening in your life. I'm your mother. I couldn't see you were suffering. When you left you and I were so disconnected," I can feel tears start to form in my eyes, and I see a couple fall from hers. "I can't imagine the pain you felt. You lost a child, Riley. A piece of you," she takes a deep breath. "I'm so thankful you had Jessica and Michael, so you weren't completely alone. But I should have noticed my baby girl was hurting."

I instantly pull my mom into my arms, and we stay holding each other for a minute.

I pull away slightly, "I should have let you been there, but I didn't. I'm just glad you're here now." She tightens her hold around me. "Do you want to see pictures of her? I haven't showed them to anyone." She nods.

I pull out my phone from my jacket pocket and click on my gallery. I show pictures of her to my mom and she is staring in awe.

"She was so beautiful, Riley," I smile at her comment. "She had your nose and lips, but those eyes. There is no denying where she got them from. Those scream Lucas all the way. They were just as alive and vibrate as his are." The smile never leaves my face as I nod. A few tears escape.

I hardly talk about her with anyone, it's always writing. So to hear someone speak about Hope in past tense, is a little difficult to hear.

I swallow back the sob I'm holding in, "She was so cheerful and happy throughout everything. Doctors were impressed that my baby girl never lost spirit."

"She was a fighter, just like you," my mom wipes my tears. "Have you showed any of the pictures to Lucas?" my mom asks handing me back my phone.

I shake my head, "I will though. I'll show him everything."

She smiles at me, "You mean your house that looks identical to his. The house that every time we walked by you would get a smile that ate your entire face because you were picturing a life with him in it and a little Riley and Lucas." I look to the ground, and she tilts it back up, "You will still have that with him, but first you need to forgive yourself." I shift my head to the side, "I can see so much emotion in your eyes a lot of pain and anger you need to let go. It's okay to be happy again."

I bury my face in the crock of her neck and let out a little sob as she rubbed my back. I cried for a few minutes before I pulled myself together. I quickly wiped my tears away.

"Do you want to go back?" my mom asks and I nod. We walk back with our arms interlocked with one another.

"I never gave up the idea of Lucas and I, and my house. I want to share it with him. I want it to be mine and his home. He's coming this weekend; do you think it's crazy if I ask him to move his life from New York here to Seattle to be with me?"

My mom starts to laugh a little, "You really don't understand just how much he loves you do you?" She looks at me and I don't say anything. "Riley, Lucas would go to the ends of this earth for you. He has been hopelessly in love with you for years. He hasn't dated anyone since you, and you haven't dated anyone since him. The reason is because it's always been you for him, and he's always been the one for you. So, yes I do think he will move his whole life here to be with you."

I can start to feel the pain in my cheeks because I'm smiling so big, and as we get closer to my dad and Auggie my heart just fills with more happiness. I see my dad and Auggie sitting down where I usually sit whenever I come talking. I try not to think about how I kept them from meeting Hope.

My mom and I take a seat with them, and I start to tell them about the little time I was blessed with to have her as my beautiful daughter. I look at each one of them, and then down at Hope. It's a bitter sweet feeling. We spend an hour there of them listening to the little stories I have to share.

This is the happiest I have felt since her death, but the guilt slowly makes that disappear. I'm hoping once I talk everything through with Lucas I can allow myself to be truly happy. It's the only way everything will work, if I can let go of the past and what I've done.


	17. 17

Friday morning is when Auggie decided he wanted to sit mom down to talk to her about his future. We all listened to him talk about his plan. My dad and I supported him instantly, however, my mom took a little more convincing. As soon as she sees some of the pictures he's taken, her eyes widen in amazement. She couldn't believe that he was this talented with a camera in his hand.

The rest of our Friday, none of us wanted to go out with it being the Friday after Thanksgiving and places being crowded. We wanted to enjoy a quiet night in, so we decided to have a family game night and play monopoly. However, my mom's competitive nature with mine did not make for a quiet night.

Auggie never liked playing because he said it took an unnecessarily long, so it wasn't a surprise after two hours of playing he quit and went up to his room. Monopoly can be an intense game, especially when you have two people like my mother and I playing against each other. My dad played the mediator throughout the night to make sure things didn't do too far. The three of us played until midnight. We had to call it a night because of Nathan's game in the morning.

When we get to the football field the game had already started, we scan the bleachers for Nathan's parents. It takes a minute or two to find them waving frantically at us.

"Nathan is going to be so happy to see you guys," Jessica says as we take our seats next to them.

"We told him we'd be here. Sorry that we're late. We had a hard time getting someone up," I look at Auggie.

Jessica and Michael laugh, "We know what you mean. We practically need to drag Nathan out of bed by his feet to get him up," Jessica says.

My dad looks at into the field, "Speaking of Nathan, what number is he?"

Jessica, Michael and I scan the field, "He's number 47. Right there," I point to the right side of the field.

I try to keep my focus on the game at hand, but mind is elsewhere. I'm looking for a certain someone. This is where I told Farkle to tell Lucas to meet me. He can make it a little before half time if he comes here straight from the airport. Maybe it wasn't the greatest idea since he'd have to carry his luggage around with him.

Throughout the first quarter, we all cheer for Nathan on. He gets benched for the second quarter to give other players a chance to play. I've been to many of his games. He'll play the first quarter sit the second, and come back in during the end of third and finish the game. During the time, he isn't playing, I keep pulling my phone out from my coat pocket to see if I have any new texts or calls from Lucas, but I don't. Nathan's team is down by a touchdown when halftime rolls around. Auggie leaves to go get something from the snack bar, and my parents and Michael and Jessica go down to the field to go say hi to Nathan.

I don't leave the bleachers; I stay in my seat looking over everything. Shouldn't he have been here by now? I pull out my phone to look at the time. It's been an hour and a half since his flight landed if he made it.

"Are you waiting for a call from someone or something? You've been checking your phone like clockworks," my dad says climbing the bleachers back to me with the others right behind him.

I smile and look at my mom who is already looking at me smiling. Michael, Jessica, and Auggie are confused, but my dad catches on and smiles too. "Lucas," he whispers and I nod.

They get settled in their seats on the bench. Time continues to go by, and still no sigh of him. I look up and see Nathan's head keep turning in the direction of the other team's cheerleaders. I nudge Jessica who is sitting next to me.

"Did he get a flower?" I whisper just for her to hear.

She smiles, "Yes, he has it in his bag. I told him let me hold it, so it doesn't get smashed. But he insisted on keeping it close to him. Do you know who it's for?"

I look at her, "You don't know?" she shakes her head. I let out a small laugh, "Just watch him and look wherever he looks."

Jessica turns her attention to the field and keeps her eyes on Nathan. I watch as she turns her head slightly every time she turns her head every time he does. Her eyes widen after a few minutes of following his gaze. She turns to Michael to whisper something in his ear, and they look at each other and smile.

"You know who the girl is don't you?" I whisper leaning over to them.

Michael clears her throat, "Her name is Ellen. She was in the same foster home as Nathan when we adopted him. When we first brought him home, he cried because he missed one of his friends. After a few days of nothing being able to calm him, we went back to see if adopting the other child was a possibility," my eyes widen, I didn't know any of this. "But she was adopted a day after Nathan, we tried to get information but they couldn't tell us anything. It was hard on him for a couple of months."

"But this school year," Jessica starts talking, "he said that his class had a new student this year, and her name was Ellen. His attitude changed. He was always so happy to go to school and after he was like in a daze. He only mentioned her name a few times though." She looks back at the field and at Nathan who was putting his helmet on to take the field. She smiles, "Some people are just meant to be in your life. They spent years apart, and now they are back in each other lives."

I can't help the smile that consumes my face. The three of us turn our focus back to the field to see Nathan run out. I look at parents and Auggie who are watching the game and back at Michael and Jessica who are having the same. To think the six of us, seven with Nathan, could have been together if I didn't keep secrets.

We all scream and shout when Nathan's team scores a touchdown, tying up the game. The energy amongst the boys is high as well as the fans. They want to win this game, this is their rival team. It's still tied by the time the fourth quarter comes. My eyes follow as the boys run the ball, but stop as soon as they land on him and I can feel my heart rate quicken with excitement. He looks flawless.

Lucas eyes sweep through the bleachers, and I wait for them to land on me. It takes him a minute, but his eyes land on mine. A smile that makes me melt on the inside spreads across his lips and I return it.

"Is that Lucas?" my dad says loud enough for all of us to hear. I'm too focused on Lucas to reply to him.

My mom nudges me, "Go to him," she smiles.

"It's about time. You've been smiling at your phone the whole time I've been here. It was kind of sickening to watch," Auggie teases.

"You mean the way you smile at your phone when you text Ava," I tease back. He rolls his eyes.

"Wait, that's Lucas?" Jessica asks wide eyed. I nod. "He came into our café not too long after you had Hope. It was when you had let her adopt her. I remember him because he was in complete awe with her, and I couldn't help but notice his eyes and how Hope's eyes looked remarkably like his." I can't help the tears that start to well up in my eyes.

"He asked if he could hold her. I don't know why, but I felt like he needed to hold her. The way he looked at her my god, you would have thought Hope was his daughter," Jessica smiles and grabs one of my hands as my mom grabs my other. "Lucas met Hope."

"He met his daughter," I smiled through my tears. Lucas looks at me and I keep my smile.

"Go to him," my mom whispers.

I slowly rise from my seat and maneuver through the people. My heart feels like it going to jump out of my chest the closer I get. As soon as I'm in reach of him, he grabs me and pulls me close with one arm. I fit perfectly against his body, this is where I belong. It's where I've always belonged.

He pulls away slightly and I do the same. His green eyes lock with my brown orbs. He starts to lean in, but gets startled when the crowd starts to cheer and immediately pulls back. We look out into the field, and I can see number 47 jumping around in excitement.

I turn my attention back to Lucas, and he slowly turns back to me. Before I lose the nerve, I take his face between the two of my hands and press my lips against his. I try to pull away but he deepens the kiss and I melt into it. This is what I've been waiting for.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he says when he pulls away. "I went to go get these for you," he pulls out a small bouquet of roses from behind his back.

"I see you went to get her flowers," a voice says approaching us. I follow the direction of the voice and see Nathan approaching us. He looks at me, "He was here when I was on the bench. I got up to get something to drink and bumped into him. He told me sorry he wasn't paying attention, but the whole time he wasn't even looking at me. I looked to where he was looking and saw you. So, I told him what you told me, girls like flowers." I look at Lucas who is already looking at me smiling. "I told him to get you flowers if he wanted you to like him."

I can't help the smile that escapes from my lips, "Thank you, Nathan," I smile. "Nathan this is Lucas, and Lucas this is Nathan."

"Nice to meet you," Lucas holds out his hand and Nathan takes it in his.

Nathan turns to me, "Is he the reason you've been happier since you came back from New York?" I nod my head. "Well I guess he is okay then," he teases.

I laugh, "Good job out there! You did great!" I say holding my hand out for a high five. "Are you going to give her that flower now?" He nods, but doesn't move. "What's wrong?"

"What is she doesn't like me?"

I open my mouth, but Lucas beats me to it, "I was scared too when I first gave Riley here a flower, but I'm glad I did. You won't know if she does until you try."

"What he said." I still see that he is hesitant. "It'll be okay. I'll be here, and look," I gesture to Jessica and Michael who are making their way down with everyone else behind them, "they are here too. But from what I hear you've known her since you were little."

He nods and a smile exudes from his face, "I'm going to do it."

We watch him walk away. Lucas clears his throat and I look at him. "Why did you want me to meet you here at out of all places."

"Because I wanted you to see that," I gesture to Nathan as he walks over to the cheerleader that he is smitten with.

"Why?" he smiles.

"Just watch."

I look behind me and I see the rest of them giving me and Lucas our space. I turn back just as Nathan reaches Ellen. I see him holding a white daisy behind his back. I grab Lucas by his hand and pull him so we can stand in a place so we can see both kids' faces.

I can feel Lucas' gaze on me, but I nod my head in the direction of the young boy and girl. We can't hear what they are saying, but we can see the smiles the explodes from both their faces. We see the nerves on the Nathan's face and the smile that won't go away on Ellen's. He nervously and slowly pulls his hand from behind his back, and this makes her eyes shine. I can't help the smile that starts to form on my face as she leans in and hugs him tight.

"The expression on his face was the same one you hand when you first gave me a flower." I look at him and he is smiling. "The day that we all had detention in 7th grade with Missy, you walked me home. The whole way we didn't say much. I don't know if it was nerves, but to be honest even in the silence I felt comfortable around you. When we were outside my building, you decided to talk. You asked what should you do for a girl to show you that you liked her. I'll admit I was a little heartbroken because I assumed that you were talking about Missy."

He smiles at me and it makes my heart flutter, "I was talking about you."

I laugh, "I didn't know that then, but I told you to give her a flower because girls like flower. Well when we had our school play that Farkle ruined, after the halls were empty and it was just you and I you came up to me. I remember being so incredibly nervous. You were talking so fast I was barely able to keep up with what you were saying."

Lucas starts laughing, "I was nervous."

"So was I!" we laugh. "You pulled out a purple dyed daisy from behind your back, and you tried to say something but you were stuttering so much the words weren't making sense," we both starting laughing. "Instead of trying to finish what you wanted to say, you just handed the flower to me and-"

"And your eyes twinkled the way the little girl's eye did. You had the same smile," he stepped closer taking both my hands in his. "I was trying to say this is my way of telling you I liked you."

I smile at him, "I wanted to share this with you. Watching a little boy that I am very fond of basically recreating a moment you and I shared."

He smiles coyly at me, "You were always such a romantic."

"Only with you," I capture his lips with mine. I reluctantly pull away, "I want you to meet some important people to me, and then I want to take you somewhere special."

We walk hand and hand to where they were all standing. My heart quickens with every step with the way my hand feels in his.

"Hi Mr. Matthews and Mrs. Matthews," he gives them both hugs. "Hey Aug," him and Auggie do a handshake that they made up.

Jessica and Michael turn the attention away from Nathan and Ellen to me and Lucas.

"Lucas this is Michael, Michael this is Lucas." I watch as the shake hands.

Lucas' shift his gaze to Jessica and his eyes widen, "I know you. I met you years ago, right?"

Jessica nods and smiles, "I'm Jessica," she holds out her hand and Lucas takes it.

"I'm Lucas." He looks like he is searching to find where he knows her. "Where do I know you from?"

I clear my throat, "I can explain that, but not here. I want to take you somewhere. Will you come with me?"

"I'll follow you anywhere, Riley."


	18. 18

We pull into the cemetery, and I take glances at Lucas. His eyes are glued to the window looking outside. I park the car where I always park it. When he realizes, the car stops he looks at me.

"Why did you bring me here?"

I take a deep breath, "I brought my parents, Auggie, even Farkle here when he surprised me. They all came, but if anyone needed to be here it was you." I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. "You don't have to get down if you don't want to."

He starts to shake his head, "I want to. I just, I need a minute."

"Do you want me to wait with you?" Again, he shakes his head. I don't say anything I get out of the car.

I walk over to where Hope lies. I do what I always do. I sit down in front of the grave and trace her name with the pads of my fingers. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that Lucas met her without realizing. I sit there in silence. It's almost as if I don't want to talk without him here. A breeze comes in and I close my eyes enjoying as the cold wind touches my skin.

I jump slightly when I feel someone rub against me as they sit down. I slowly open my eyes and see Lucas staring at me. He has a small smile on his face, and I can see it's painful for him to be here and I completely understand his pain. We sit there for what feels like hours in silence, but in reality it was only a minute.

"It feels surreal being here in this place with you," I say in a hush tone. "I have dreamt of you being here in Seattle with me, but not in this particular place. I've dreamt of what she would look like older and how you would chase her around pretending to be a dinosaur," I smile with my eyes gloss over. "She would run to me grabbing onto my leg telling you that you couldn't get her because mommy protects her from everything." I wipe the tears that had falling. Lucas places his hand on my knee and lightly squeezes.

I look up from the grave marker and lock my gaze with him. His green eyes are locked on mine, and it feels like he is looking right through me into my head reading all my secrets.

I clear my throat, "Lucas, have you ever been to Seattle before today?"

He nods, "Once. It was our freshmen year of college. That spring I came for an interview for a summer internship here at a clinic. It was only for a night. I didn't do much beside the interview and stop at this small café that was right across the street from the clinic."

"Did you get the internship?" he shakes his head. I look back to the grave, "You weren't meant to be around," I whisper to myself.

"What?"

"Lucas," I take a deep breath. "You met Hope, you met our daughter."

"Riley, I would have remembered if I met someone that was half me."

"Do you remember Jessica?"

"The lady I just met, right?" I nod. "I mean she looks familiar, but I can't exactly put my finger on it."

I slowly pull my phone from my jacket pocket and scroll through my pictures. I land on one of Hope when she was a little older than two months. She's wearing a black and white long sleeve onesie with a pink solid heart in the middle. I manage to capture a picture of her smiling at the camera, and you can see her bright green. I have tons of blurry ones trying to get this one shot, but I can't bring myself to delete them.

I stare at the picture and my heart feels heavy with bliss, and tears start to form in my eyes again. I slowly hand my phone to him, and his eyes go wide. I wonder if he recognizes her.

"D-did that outfit come with a matching pink bow and pants?" I try to search my brain for the outfit. I slowly nod. "Jessica. Jessica had her at the café," I smile. "I remember feeling drawn to her. I couldn't explain it, but her eyes. Those eyes I remember them. I dreamt of them." He looks up from the phone and looks at me. "Is-is this Hope?" I nod. "I met my daughter," I nod again not saying a single word. My vision is blurred. I blink and a few tears fall.

Again, silence falls between us, but it's never an awkward silence. He clears his throat, "I would have been there for everything if I had gotten that internship." I see his eyes start to become watery. "I should have been there," he whispers.

I shake my head, "No," I swallow back my tears. "You weren't meant to go through that heartache again. You were still healing from your sister." I look at him and grab his hand, "I'm sorry for leaving during that time, especially when you told me I was the only thing keeping you going. It was selfish of me." I take a deep breath and let it out, "Maybe everything was supposed to happen this way. You weren't meant to be a part of the short time she had here. We might have ended the way your parents did," I look at him, but he looks away. "If you were meant to be there, you would have gotten the internship."

More silence surface between us. My heart is pounding. I'm nervous I don't know what going to happen. I take a glance at him and his eyes are glossed over. I reach to grab his hand, and he lifts his gaze from the grave and looks at me. I see a few tears running down his cheeks and I gently wipe them away. "I met my daughter," he says again in a hush tone, I almost miss it.

Without thinking I wrap my arms around him, and he buries his face in the crock of my neck. I feel his body shaking against me, and I run my fingers through his hair. I'm trying to stay strong and keep the tears that I have in my eyes from falling.

"Can you tell me about her?" his voice in weak and shaky.

I swallow my tears back wanting to stay strong, "Of course," I say softly. He slowly pulls away from me interlocking our fingers. My heart races as I look at our hands. I let out a small sigh before speaking.

I kind of skip over her first month because it's a blur to the exhaustion that consumed me. I hardly slept during that time. I tell him about one night she wouldn't stop crying I tried everything to get her to stop. I didn't know what I was doing. I started to sing to her.

"Her favorite song was My Girl. I would start to sing it, and she would look at me wide eyed. She loved it." I start to laugh a little, "Which is kind of ironic because my dad told me every time he tried to sing the same song to me I would cry." Lucas starts to rub his thumb on the back of my hand.

"During her chemo we practically lived at the children's hospital. When she was going through chemo, they had this aquarium in the room where she did her treatment, and every time we'd sit in front of it. Whether it be me or Michael who was holding her, we had to sit in the front of it and watch the fishes. One time Michael tried to move away from the tank, and she cried. She had to be there." I can feel tears well up in my eyes at the memory.

I clear my throat, "Jessica had a hard time being there when she had her appointments for her chemo, so she never went but she was always waiting in Hope's room when we got back." I feel Lucas squeeze my hand as tears fall and I wipe them away. "When she was finally able to go home with Michael and Jessica a couple months later, she started crawling almost instantly." I smile, "They were shocked because the doctors had said she was going to be tired, but I wasn't. She was four months when she was diagnosed, but she was always so filled with life." My eyes start to water, "I stayed with them for a little bit. I was able to see her start crawling, and oh my she was so fast."

A little laugh escapes, "She was a curious little bug. Michael and I had gone to the store one day and we saw a kitty onesie. It came with a hood that had ears on it and a tail on her little bottom, and I had to get it for her. As soon as we got back, I instantly put it on her." I can't contain my laughter, "You know how fast kittens are when they start running around, well that's what I thought of when she wore it and would crawl around. Here, I can show you." I hesitantly pull my hand away to reach for my phone. I scroll through my gallery and pull up a video I took of Hope. I hand it Lucas and watch as he taps the screen.

I lean my head on his shoulder as we watch together. Her laugh fills the air and tears start to slide down my cheeks. I hear a laugh leave Lucas' lips. I look up slightly so I can see him. He is captivated by her moving across the screen. His eyes are sparkling. I hear her laugh again and a smile eludes from his lips. I want to feel happy in this moment. I'm finally sharing a moment with Lucas. A moment I dreamt of happening. He is finally seeing his daughter, but a feeling of guilt is overwhelming me.

I shift my body a little, so I'm facing him and he does them say. I stare into his emerald green eyes, "Lucas, how do you not hate me?" I say as I sniffle. "I hate myself for everything I did. I should I have never kept her from you," I drop my gaze from his eyes to the ground. "I-I was going to tell you about her after we thought she was better, but it-it-" I feel tears stream down my cheek. Lucas tilts my head up so that I'm looking at him. He gently brushes my tears away and I melt into his touch. I open my mouth to finish talking, but Lucas stops me.

"I can never hate you," he looks deep in my eyes, "and Riley you shouldn't hate yourself. I know you're beating yourself up for keeping her a secret for these years," he takes a deep breath and takes my hands in his, "but maybe you're right. Maybe I wasn't meant to be in her life. I had that one moment with her, and it's a moment that I'm going to remember forever," his eyes gloss over.

Silence falls between us for a second before his voice rips through the air. "All I ever thought about was you and if you were doing okay wherever it was you disappeared to. I wondered if you were thinking about me, or if you met someone else and fell in love again. Riley, I was always thinking about you and how if I was lucky enough to ever see you again I would ask, no beg for another chance." I start to shake my head and avoid his gaze.

I know where this is going, and I don't deserve this. I don't deserve him. I can't have the happy ending when I did what I did. I can feel tears racing down my cheeks, and I try to beat him to wiping them away. But when I reach so does he, and his hands land on mine. I feel magic in that one touch. My brown orbs meet his green, and I can see them begging me to give in to him but I don't stop shaking my head.

"I know that you believe that you don't deserve me." How could he know that? I cock my head slightly to the left. "After I found out that Farkle knew where you were, I, uh, kind of tried to get him drunk so maybe he's let it spill." Lucas sighs, "He didn't. He said he couldn't betray you like that even if he wanted to. However, he did let other things out of the bag that we will talk about later. But for now, we need to talk about you believing how you think you don't deserve to be happy." He waits for me to say something, but I stay quiet.

"Riley, you of all people deserve to be happy. I want to make you happy." I start to shake my head, but he places a hand on each side of my face. "Let yourself be happy. The only one stopping you from being happy is yourself." I feel myself fall into his touch. He stares into his eyes, "I can make you happy if you let me," he whispers. He slowly starts to lean in, but I turn my face and he kisses my cheek.

He looks at me with sad eyes, and I slowly start to rise and he follows suit. "Maybe we should go. I can drop you off wherever it is you are staying." He sadly nods.

I slowly starts to walk away, but when I turn my head slightly to look at Lucas he isn't there. I fully turn around and see him standing there looking down at the grave marker and guilt over takes me. I hesitantly walk back. "Lucas," I say quietly.

He reluctantly looks at me, "I'll meet you in the car, okay?" He returns his gaze.

"Yeah of-of course. I'll be in the car," I stammer a little.

I turn on my heels to walk. When I'm some distance away, I turn around and I can see Lucas' lips moving. I'm too far to hear what he is saying. My heart hurts and is happy at the same time. I can feel the burning sensation in my nose as tears star to form in my eyes.

I finally get to the car, and my phone is ringing in my pocket. I don't even bother looking who it is as I'm unlocking and stepping in.

 ** _Hello?_** My voice cracks a little.

 _Riley, are you okay?_ One of my best friends' voices pieces through the phone.

 ** _Mhmm._** I hum not trusting my voice.

 _No, you aren't. Talk to me. Are you with Lucas right now? Did he tell you about all of us being here?_

 ** _Wait what? Who's all here?_**

I hear a nervous laugh. _Nothing, nevermind._

 ** _Farkle, who is all here?_** I ask sternly.

 _Well,_ he clears his throat. _All of us are here. Talk to Maya she'll tell you. But for right now, you are going to tell me what's wrong._

 ** _Nothing's wrong._**

He groans. _Please, stop lying._

 ** _Why did you have to tell Lucas about what I told you? He is pleading with me to give him another chance, and I want to. I want to be with him more than I can even explain. I love him Farkle. I never stopped. I-_**

He cuts me off. _Then what's the problem? Riley, stop trying to push happiness out of your life. You've suffered enough. You've bee alone for the past few years dealing with this pretty much alone. I know you had support, but you didn't have it from the one person you wanted it from. He is there wanting to be with you, and I know you want to be with him. But you, I can imagine, are being stubborn._

I start to laugh a little as tears start to roll down my cheeks. **_You know I was going to ask him to move down here to be with me, but then we get here to the cemetery. He is out there right now by himself with her. We got here, and I was just reminded of what I did. For a split second, I forgot what I did._** I move my hand to my face to wipe away the wetness.

 _Be happy, Riley. If you allow it in, you won't regret. We need Smiley Riley. The world need Smiley Riley._

I can't help the laugh that escapes my lips. **_I'll try._** There is a pause of silence. **_Farkle?_**

 _Yes?_

 ** _I know Lucas attempted to try to get you to tell him where I was by getting you drunk, and thank you so much for not telling him. But what else did you tell him? He said you said other things that me and him are going to have to talk about._**

He starts to laugh. _You can't be mad. I possibly maybe told him about Evan._

 ** _You what?!_**

 _I didn't mean to. I was drunk. He was interrogating me. I had to give him something, so I gave him that._

I cough a little. **_How did he handle it?_**

 _Surprisingly well. He was more upset thinking you lied to him because you were trying to hide something going on between you and Evan, but I explained to him that you had no idea who he was._ Farkle starts to laugh. _He found comfort in knowing Evan wasn't memorable to you that weekend._

 ** _Nothing was besides Lucas and I._** I can't help the smile that washes over my face.

"I want to be happy with Lucas," I whisper to myself.

 _So then be happy with him._

 ** _You weren't supposed to hear that._**

 _But I did. Please, stop fighting yourself and let it happen._

I open my mouth to say something, but the passenger door opens. I look at Lucas as he steps in.

 ** _Farkle, I have to go._**

"Tell him I'll be at the hotel right now," Lucas' says in a hush tone. I finally look at him, and I see his tear stained cheeks.

 _I heard him. He'll tell you the hotel. And Riley, let yourself be happy or not this was all for nothing._

 ** _What is?_**

 _Nothing. Talk to you later. Bye._

 ** _Bye._** I hang up and the phone and look at Lucas.

I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. I try to open my mouth to say something, anything, but no words come out. Silence fills the space between us. He finally turns his head, and his eyes lock on mine.

"Ar-are you okay?" I ask in a hush tone. He nods. "Do you want to talk about it?" he shakes his head.

"H-how do you do that? Come here and talk wi-without falling apart?" he asks so quietly I can barely hear him.

I grab one of his hands, and interlock our fingers. I start to rub my thumb in circles on the back of his hand, "It wasn't easy at first. After we buried her, I refused to come. I locked myself away from everyone. I felt empty."

"Did you try-" his voice his soft and shakey.

I shake my head and speak not letting him finish the thought. "No, but I'd lie if I said I didn't think about it. Jessica and Michael came over one day and dragged me out of my apartment at the time. They put me in the car. I had no idea where we were going, but as we started getting closer to the cemetery I lost it. I begged for them to take me back home, but the refused to. They both said this is what I needed." I take a deep breath.

"When we got here, I stood in the car for maybe fifteen minutes before I finally got out and even then, each step I took felt like quicksand. I didn't want to be, I wasn't ready to be here, but I think I was wrong. I think I needed to be here." Tears start to well in my eyes and Lucas takes his other hand to cup the hand that is already in his.

"I wanted to move on and act like nothing happened, but that was unrealistic. When I sat there in front of her, I swear I felt warmth against me. Every time I come, I feel her and I think that's why it's become remotely easy. I feel her with me everywhere, but here is where I feel her most. The first few times I sobbed, but as time went on it didn't hurt as much." I move my available hand to his face and wipe the tears that had fallen. He leans into my touch, "It'll get easier," I whisper.

He clears his throat, "Do you mind if I drive?" I shake my head. We both get out of the car switching seats. As we pass each other in front of the car, our bodies brush against each other and I feel electricity.

We take our seats in the spots opposite of where we were sitting. He starts the car and slowly starts to drive away.

I don't know where he is driving to, but his hand find his way in mine. It's almost natural like we've been doing this for years. It's silent, but neither one of us mind. We are just enjoying each other's presence.

I can see nervousness growing on his face the longer he drives. He slowly pulls his hand away from mine and I see him pat his pockets feeling for something.

"Shit," he mumbles. "I forgot something. We have to take a little detour." He makes a U-turn and then his hand finds its way back into mine.

We pull up front into a nice hotel, and my eyes go wide. "This is where you are staying?"

"Yeah, well not just me," he gestures out the window, and I see Maya and Zay hand in hand walking out.

Lucas and I step out and Maya see me immediately. She lets go of Zay's hand and runs full sprint at me.

"Riles!" she exclaims as she wraps her arms around me. A smile exudes from my lips as I hug her back. Lucas and Zay erupt in laughter.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Lucas says and I nod.

"What are you guys doing here?" I ask slowly pulling away.

"Well," she laughs. "I'm getting married tomorrow. Here in Seattle." My eyes go wide. "I knew Lucas was coming to see you and I didn't know what would happen between the two of you. I knew if something went bad you wouldn't come to New York in the mere chance of running into him, so I brought it here. I couldn't risk you not being there." She takes my hands in hers, "I need my best friend, my sister, standing up there with me."

I instantly grab her and pull her into an embrace. I can hear her sniffling in my ear and tears that have welled in my eyes are slowly making an appearance on my cheeks.

"Does this mean you finally agree to be my maid of honor?"

"Of course peaches," her hold around me tightens and a laugh escapes from the both of us.

We slowly pulling away, and I look over at Zay who is smiling at both of us. He stocks his way towards us and wraps his arms around the both of us. "It's good to see the two of you together again. The way it is supposed to."

We laugh, "Congratulations on the baby you two."

"Thank you, sugar, and congratulations to you too. Judging by the smile on Lucas' face coming out of the car I'm guessing you said yes." Zay says releasing his grip on the two of us.

"Huh?" I watch as Maya nudges Zay in the side as we all pull away from each other. "What are you talking about?" Zay's eyes move to scan my hands.

"I think I said too much." He looks over my shoulder and I see his eyes grow wide.

"No. I think you should tell me what you thought I said yes to."

I hear someone clear their throat behind me, and when I turn around my heart stops. I hear a gasp come from Maya. I see Lucas on one knee, "He's talking about this," he pulls out a pearl ring with tiny crystals surrounding it on a rose gold band. "I-I've had this ring since prom. At the end of the night, I-I was going to propose to you, Riley. I wanted you to know that no matter where you decided to go that I was going to love you forever, and everything between us was going to be okay." He slowly reaches for my hand and my heart starts racing.

"I wasn't going to do this unless it felt right. We've been apart for years, so I didn't know if this was going to be a good idea. But the thing Riley every time I'm with you it feels right. I knew you were the one for me when you fell into my lap. I know it sounds ridiculous because I knew nothing about you, but it I felt this instant connection to you. Walking in your father's classroom and seeing you sitting there was like the universe trying to tell me something." Tears are sliding down my face.

"I didn't want to do it here, but someone has a mouth that they can't control," he looks over at Zay and a laugh leaves my lips, "Riley, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I never want to miss another day of being in your life and being the person by your side. Will you marry me?"

I open my mouth to say something, but I don't trust my words. I know what I want to say, what I should say. My heart is yelling at me to say yes, however, my brain isn't letting me jump into his arms and kiss him passionately.

I start to shake my head slowly and his face drops. He starts to rise and moves closer to me. "I ca-"

"Don't say it Riley, please," he pleads and my heart breaks. He wraps his hands around my waist and butterflies awake in my stomach.

"I was going to ask you to move here with me," I whisper and his smile returns.

"Of course I will. Now the question is, will you marry me?" Emotions take over his face, but the one I can distinguish the most is fear. Fear of me possibly saying no. I don't trust my words, so instead I ask for my car keys.

We tell Maya and Zay goodbye and get in the car. I need to show him that I never gave up hope on us.


	19. 19

Today is Maya's big day. She's getting married to someone she loves. I'm in a hotel room right now with her and Smackle. Katie and my mom had left to make sure everything in the ballroom where the ceremony is going to be held was ready as well as the room for the reception. How Maya manage to pull this all together such last minute is beyond me.

I stand behind Maya as she stares at herself in the mirror. I've never seen her look so happy; her eyes twinkle. Her dress is a simple white flowy strapless dress. She has her hair half up and in wavy curls that cascade down her back.

"You look absolutely stunning! The most beautiful bride," I say and she spins to face me. I can see her eyes glossed over.

"Riles, I don't think I've ever felt this happy," her smile is worth a thousand words.

I take one of her hands in mine "You've never looked happier," we both laugh. "I still can't believe you pulled this all together. You didn't have to move the wedding here."

Smackle makes her way to us, "Yes she did. It was the only way we could get her to calm down. After she found out Lucas was coming to visit you, she wouldn't stop with all the scenarios that would keep you from her wedding. None of us wanted her to stress too much because she's pregnant, so we came up with this plan." Smackle turns to me, "So bubbles, you and Lucas? What happened? I heard about the proposal, but no one know what you said."

"You know about the proposal? Zay?" I laugh.

Smackle shakes her head, "No, Farkle knew Lucas wouldn't be able to resist asking you. Lucas loves you and you love him, so what happened?"

Maya scoffs, "Yeah I don't even know and I was there when he proposed but you guys just left. You didn't even tell me after you came to visit me last night." Maya smiles, "Which I'm glad you did. It's what we need."

"Yes, it is," I return the smile.

"That's nice and everything that you two patched everything up, but the important question was what happened between you and Lucas?" Smackle asks very eagerly, and I can't help the smile that exudes from my lips.

* * *

 _As we get closer to my house, my heart start to speed up. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I see my house, the same one that is almost identical to his. The little blue house that was supposed to be ours. It comes into view, and I take a quick glance at him and he is already looking at me. I don't think he noticed it considering I feel his eyes on me._

 _"_ _You know it impolite to stare," I try to hide my smile as I look back to the road._

 _"_ _So, you remember how to talk," he laughs. "I wasn't sure since you haven't said a word in," he looks at his watch and I roll my eyes, "thirty-three minutes."_

 _"_ _You know you haven't said a word either."_

 _"_ _What am I supposed to say? I put my heart on the line and propose to you, and instead of giving me an answer you pulled me into the car. We've been driving longer than half an hour and you still have yet to give me an answer," I pull into the driveway and still he hasn't noticed._

 _I put the car in park and turn it off. I unhook my seatbelt and slowly reach for the door, "Riley, are you going to give me answer?" his voice almost sounds defeated._

 _"_ _Just get out of the car, please."_

 _He starts to shake his head as he undoes his seat belt. I reach his side of the car just as he was stepping out. This is the only way I can show him that I want us just as much as he does. My hand finds its way to his, and I see a smile play on his lips which makes one grow on mine._

 _He's manages to remain oblivious to the house behind him. His eyes are glued on me. I slowly start to walk out to the sidewalk, so he can clearly see my home._

 _"_ _Why are you walking to street," he laughs, "shouldn't we be walking inside to what's going to be our home?" Our home? It makes my heart flutter._

 _"_ _You haven't even seen it. You might not like it," I tease him._

 _"_ _As long as you are living in it with me, I'll love it." He kisses my forehead and I can't help the blush that washes over my cheeks. He slowly turns to finally face the house and his eye widen and I let out a little laugh. "It's-it's our home, but how," he looks at me._

 _I laugh, "I searched high and low for this house. I wasn't going to settle for anything that didn't feel right. When the realtor showed me the picture of this house, my heart stopped. I knew this was going to be it. If I'm being honest, I wasn't ready to let go of the future I had imagined with you," he takes my hands in his and I stare at our interlocked fingers. "It's lonely living in a house that you pictured living in with the love of your life," I still don't look up. "I love you, Lucas." My gaze slowly starts to rise and lands on his eyes. His eyes are glossed over as are mine._

 _"_ _Do you want to see the inside?" He nods._

 _I lead the way to the front door holding his hand right behind me. I reach for my keys, but I hear laughter coming inside. I make my way in and I see my parents and Auggie on the couches watching a movie._

 _Auggie is the first to see us, "Hey guys."_

 _"_ _Hey Auggie," my parents pull their attention away from the TV, "Hey Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews."_

 _"_ _Hello Lucas," my mom says rising from the couch and making her towards us with my dad on her heels._

 _"_ _Hey Lucas. It's good to see you," my dad says as they shake hands._

 _I clear my throat, "I didn't think you guys were going to be here."_

 _Lucas starts to laugh, "Neither did I, with stories I heard, I assumed you'd be with Shawn," he turns towards my dad._

 _"_ _SHAWN! He's here?!" my dad shouts._

 _I shrug my shoulders, "Maya is getting married tomorrow here in Seattle, so yeah I guess he's here. Probably at the hotel."_

 _My dad looks at my mom, "We have to go to the hotel!" I can't help the laugh that escapes. "Riley, may I please borrow your-" a car horn from outside interrupts him. I move to look at the window, and I see Shawn in a car with Katie._

 _I laugh, "Dad I think it's for you." I move away from the window and my dad rushes over._

 _"_ _Shawnie!" He runs outs of the house, "Are you coming Topanga?" He shouts from outside._

 _"_ _Coming," she shouts back. She looks at me, "I told Katie where we were. She needed some help with last minute details and didn't want to stress Maya out. It's okay if we go, right?" she shifts her gaze between Lucas and I._

 _I smile, "Of course mom." She grabs her purse and jacket and slips on her shoes._

 _"_ _C'mon Auggie. You're coming with us."_

 _"_ _But I-"_

 _I cut him off, "Please."_

 _"_ _Fine," he pulls himself off the couch and stomps off the couch. "Don't think too much, listen to your heart. He's your Ava," he tries to whisper so I just hear as he walks by me, but Lucas starts to laugh._

 _Lucas and I watch the door close, and turn our gazes back to each other. Lucas is the one to break the gaze, "So, this is where you've been living?" He looks at me and I nod. "Riley, why did you bring me here?"_

 _I take a deep breath and start into the living room, "It's the only way I was able to show you that I want us. Me buying this house was kind of solidifying that." I sit down on the couch and he follows suit._

 _"_ _Riley," I don't look up, but he lifts my chin with his fingers, "will you marry me?"_

 _I shake my head and fill tears in my eyes, "I want to say yes Lucas. You have no idea how bad I want to, but-but," my voice starts to crack, "I can't." I swallow the sobs that want to surface, "I don't deserve you."_

 _"_ _Ye-"_

 _I stop him, "I DON'T!" I shout. I rise from the couch, "How can I be with you and have a happy life when I can't forgive myself for doing what I did, and-and" I stutter, "prom night. I'd be lying if I didn't say it still didn't hurt. I know it happened a long time ago, but it's the last memory I had of you for years." Lucas stands up and takes me into his arms, "That night was the worst night of my life." He looks into my eyes, "I lost the one person I've ever loved. I didn't want that kiss to happen. That night was supposed to be a night to remember, and it was but for all the wrong reasons." He grabs my face, "Riley, believe me when I tell you I will never do anything to intentionally hurt you. That's the last thing I ever want to do. I love you with everything inside me."_

 _I feel tears well up in my eyes, "I believe you," I mumble out. He starts to lean in and his lips barely brush against mine. It's just enough to make me crave more._

 _"_ _I'm going to ask you again," he takes a deep breath, "Will you marry me?"_

 _Again I start to shake my head, and his hands drop from my face, "I can't," tears start to fall, "I want to but I can't." I sniffle, "I need to forgive myself. I need to stop hating myself before I can say yes to that. If I don't, it'll destroy us," Lucas is the one shaking his head now. "Yes, it will. I'll start to push you away. I'll do something stupid to sabotages our relationship." I feel his hands against my cheek as he brushes away my tears._

 _"_ _We deserve better than that. We deserve to have the happy ending." I say interlocking his hands in mine. "I just need time. I know it's selfis-"_

 _"_ _No," he interrupts me, "it's not selfish of you. I understand." He looks at my neck. "May I?" he says gesturing to the gold chain around my neck. I nod and he steps behind me to unhook it. I turn around to face him. "I still can't believe you still wear this. You started wearing in junior year because you thought it looked elegant."_

 _I laugh through my tears, "Because it does!" I touch my neck, "I almost feel naked without it."_

 _I watch as Lucas slides the ring onto the chain, and I slightly turn so he can put it around my neck. When he has it clamped, I turn back to him. I lift the ring, so I can see it. I look up at Lucas and he is smiling at me, "You said before you can say yes, meaning you are going to say yes one day. I want that ring to stay close to you until it finds its rightful place," he takes my left hand and brings it to his lips._

 _"_ _I can't promise you that it'll be soon."_

 _"_ _But you'll marry me one day?"_

 _I smile and start to nod and the corners of his mouth start to lift. "Yes," he doesn't hesitate to grab my face and press his lips against mine. I deepen the kiss. This is all I ever wanted. This is what I spent years dreaming of. I don't know when I'll be ready, but knowing he is here is what I need._

 _The rest of the evening we talk about everything. I tell him about my website. He wants to know everything, so I tell him. I tell him that I never finished college, and it surprises him. He couldn't believe that I didn't graduate. He asked if I ever plan on going back, and I tell him no. It isn't something I want._

 _We talk about my website more, and I finally tell him about Evan and I see concern wash over his face, but it disappears when I tell him Evan was the one who pushed me to chance happiness with him. He tells me about his plan to open his own practice eventually, but for now he is going to look for a clinic to practice in._

 _Throughout the evening we made our way to my bedroom. We are laying on the bed when he tells me he wants to know more about Hope, so I tell him more. We look through all the pictures I have of her on my phone, and the videos. It's an ongoing struggle to allow myself to be happy with Lucas as his eyes light up when he looks at the pictures and videos of our daughter._

 _Around seven, I notice he starts to doze off and I try to wiggle out of his hold. "We are you going?" he says groggy._

 _"_ _I have to talk to Maya. I won't feel right standing next to her if everything isn't fixed between us," I sit up._

 _"_ _This isn't just an excuse so you can disappear again for another five years."_

 _I let out a little laugh, "No, I'm never going anywhere again."_

 _"_ _Promise?"_

 _"_ _I promise."_

 _"_ _Well I'll be here when you get back. We have to talk about where I'm going to be living." I lean over to kiss his cheek._

 _I start to walk out the bedroom and turn around, "Lucas?"_

 _"_ _Mhmm,"he mumbles tiredly._

 _"_ _I love you."_

 _He smiles with his eyes closed, "I love you, too."_

* * *

"So you guys are engaged?" Maya tone matches Smackle confused look.

"Not exactly. Someday, just not right now." I run my fingers across my neck until I touch the ring and smile.

A knock on the door startles all of us, and Smackle moves to answer it.

"Hello beloved,"Smackle says as Farkle emerges from the hallway.

"Hello my love," he leans down a bit as Smackle tippy toes a little to kiss him.

I smile, "You two are really going to wait another two years to get married?"

Smackle and Farkle look at each other and then back at me and Maya, "It's the plan, but I don't know maybe a sooner date will be more reasonable. I don't know if I can wait two year to become Mrs. Minkus. I love him too much."

"Awww!" Maya and I say in unisons.

"And I love you," Farkle kiss her forehead. He turns his attention to me, "So you and freak face?"

"One day. For now, we are just Riley and Lucas. He is going to move in with me." I smile.

"But yet you guys aren't engaged." Maya says.

"It's Riley and Lucas they've always done things their own way," Farkle laughs.

Smackle scoffs, "You two can be a real headache sometimes."

"Agreed," Maya and Farkle say at the same time and the four of us erupt in laughter.

We all turn our focus to the door when we all hear a knock. Farkle is the one to answer it. Shawn walks it and his eyes move to Maya.

"You look beautiful," he says with a smile.

"Thank you dad," Maya moves to him and Shawn embraces her into a tight hug.

"I'll never get tired of hearing that." Shawn lets go of her and turns towards me, "It's good to finally see you! You didn't say hi when you came down for your parents' anniversary party."

"I'm sorry," I move to hug him and he squeezes me tight.

"I missed you, kiddo."

"I missed you too Uncle Shawn."

"Now that everything is okay, does this mean that you'll be around more?" I nod. "Good because it was sometimes too gloomy without our ray of sunshine."

"Agreed!" Maya, Smackle and Farkle all say simultaneously.

I pull myself away from Uncle Shawn and blink back the tears that want to make an appearance. I brush my hand down my sleeveless short baby blue dress.

"Now, let's go get this beautiful bride married, shall we?" Shawn holds out his hand to Maya, and she takes it with a smile that consumes her whole face. We all start to file out the door to the ballroom where Maya is going to become Mrs. Babineaux.

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful. Zay's face as he watched Maya walking down the aisle is the way every girl wants to be looked at on her wedding day. I've never seen either one of them happier. They really do bring out the best in each other.

After the ceremony, we all move to the room directly across the hall where the reception is being held. White and different shades of blues are seen throughout the room.

I start to walk when I feel someone's arms wrapped around me from behind, and I instantly recognize the touch. "You look beautiful," Lucas' voice sends chills up my spine.

I laugh, "Of course you would think so. I'm wearing the only color that you ever wore through high school," I joke.

He shakes his head with a smile, "You always look beautiful." I softly peck his lips.

"For the first-time Mr. and Mrs. Babineaux," the DJ announces as Maya and Zay enter the room. They move to the dance floor and Falling Into You by Celine Dion starts to play, their song. Maya wasn't the biggest fan of her, but with a little help from Zay that changed.

Zay and Maya move in sync with the music as a whole. I watch as they stare into each other's eyes and their lips move. Pure joy radiates off them and happy tears start to form in my eyes.

"Please joy the bride and groom in their first dance."

Lucas takes a hold of my hand and leads me out to the dance floor. He wraps his arms around my waist and I wrap my arms around his neck. "I love you," he whispers in my ear and it makes me laugh.

"I love you." I turn my head towards Maya and Zay and smile. I feel his hand brush across my neck to the ring.

"That'll be us one day." I return my attention to him and lay my head on his shoulder, "You'll be Riley Friar."

I lift my head and look at him, "I wouldn't have it any other way." He leans in and kisses me. Every kiss feels like the first kiss, but better. I pull away slightly, "It's good to be back where I belong, here in your arms," I whisper and close the little gap between our lips. I feel him smile into our kiss and I do the same.

"Thank you for welcoming me back into your life."

"It's was a stupid thing to ever kick you out."

I look around the room and see the faces of people that I have avoided for years, and now that I let them all back in my life I don't feel emptiness that I've felt since Hope passed away. I look at Lucas and my eyes lock onto his and I know that this is exactly what I've been missing.


	20. Epilogue

Four and a half years later

 _"_ _Do you, Lucas Friar, take Riley Matthews to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward until death do you part?"_

 _"_ _I do," his eyes shine._

 _"_ _Do you, Riley Matthews, take Lucas Friar to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold from this day forward until death do you part?"_

 _"_ _I do," my eyes well up with tears._

 _"_ _The bride and groom have decided to write their own vows. Lucas," the minister gestures to him._

 _His green glossy eyes meet my brown ones, "Riley, I have dreamt of this day more than I can count, to be the person standing here next to you, makes me feel like the luckiest person alive. This journey with you started when you were pushed into my lap that day on the subway, and I was instantly drawn to you," he has the smile that makes me go weak in my knees. "That day is the day the light inside me sparked, and loving you more and more each day is what keeps in burning inside of me. I promise to always love you." He stares into my eyes, "You are my best friend, my soul mate and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." I quickly wipe the tears that are sliding down my face._

 _"_ _Now the bride."_

 _I take a deep breath, "One thing that I have learned while being with you is that love is patient. You waited until I was ready for this journey with you." I laugh through my tears, "I'm sorry I took so long," he mouths it's okay. "I remember the day I realized I love you. You had sunk into my room the night that I had confronted my bully in the 7_ _th_ _grade. I vented to you about how the words still hurt, and you held me as I cried," tears fall and his hands reach to lightly brush them away and I smile. "It was the first night that I fell asleep in your arms. The first time I truly felt safe with someone other than my parents, and that's when I knew. I never had to hide who I was from you, you accepted me the way I am. Lucas, I relive that moment with you every single day, but the love that I felt that night for you has only multiplied and intensified every single day I've spent with you and the days we spent apart. I love you, Lucas."_

* * *

I hear someone clear their throat and I pause the DVD, I face the direction of the sound and I see my handsome husband staring at me as he walks down from the last step. "Shouldn't you finish packing? You don't want to miss our flight to New York."

I sigh, "I still can't believe Auggie is graduating from NYU. It feels like it was just yesterday that we were telling mom that he wanted to study photography."

Lucas laughs, "That must've went well," I hear the presents of sarcasm in his voice as he makes his way towards me taking a seat on the couch.

"It surprising did, and now he already has a job waiting for him with the same company that Shawn works for. He's going to do amazing things." I gasp, "And there is Farkle and Smackle's wedding next weekend. It's about time those two are finally tying the knot, and they talk about us," Lucas and I both laugh.

I lay my head on his shoulder and he sighs, "I think this is the first time in weeks that we've been able to sit and enjoy each other's company," he says he pulls me closer to him.

"Well with your clinic finally picking up-"

"And your blog," he takes the words right out of my mouth. "I'm still so amazed by that. I read everything you write." A blush makes its way to my cheeks.

"And-"

"Mommy!" a little brown eyed blonde boy yells slowing making his way down the stairs. We both smile at the sound of his voice, and watch as his carefully makes his way to the bottom.

"And this little boy," I say as he runs and jumps on the both of us and we erupt in laughter.

"Did you finish picking up all the toys in your room, Theo?" Lucas ask a little sternly and his little eyes lock with my matching ones. He knows what he is doing; he has me wrapped around his little finger. I pull my gaze from this hypnotizing eyes and look at the other pair of eyes that hypnotize me. Lucas gives me a lock, telling me to be strong.

I look back at Theo, "Daddy asked you question."

He looks at Lucas and then back at his hands, "No."

"No, sir," Lucas corrects him.

"No, sir," Theo repeats.

"Well you hurry right up those stairs and finish."

"Okay daddy," Theo gives Lucas a tight hug. He tears himself away from Lucas and launches himself at me. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me. I love his hugs; he always squeezes so hard you can feel the love.

"I love you, Theo," I whisper.

"I love mommy!" he exclaims and a small chuckle escapes from my lips. I look at Lucas and he is gazing at the both of us with a smile that swallows his face. "And daddy!"

"I love you, too, buddy. Now your room," Lucas says pointing to the stairs with a smile that he is trying to hide.

"But-" I look at Lucas, but he give me a look. "You have to listen daddy," he slowly pulls away. "But if you do a good job, maybe you can have a cookie," I whisper and Theo smiles.

Lucas and I both watch as he makes his way up the stairs. We watch as he disappears out of view, and Lucas pulls out the screen monitor from his pocket and holds it so the both of us can watch. We see Theo move around his shark themed room picking up all his toys and putting them in his toy chest. I can't help the tears that well up in my eyes and I sniffle a little.

"What's wrong?" Lucas' voice is soft.

"I just, it doesn't hurt anymore. I miss her every single day but it doesn't hurt. We have a beautiful 3-year-old little boy. We're a family; I'm happy." I take a deep breath, "Does that make me awful?"

He shakes his head, "Not at all. It's okay to be happy." He lifts my head so I'm looking at him, "Hope will always be with us every day in here," he places his other hand on my chest. He dries my stray tears and we both turn our attention to the monitor.

We watch as Theo runs around his room, some toys still out of place, with his stuffed shark pretending to eat everything in sight. Lucas and I both laugh. I snuggle closer to Lucas.

"To think he was made the night of Maya and Zay's wedding," Lucas laugh. "Or sometime that week. We agreed to take everything slow between us, but it was hard to keep my hands off you after being apart for so long." He runs his finger up my arm and I giggle.

"And it only took me a little over a year after having Theo to finally say yes to marrying you," I tease.

"We were trying to put him to sleep, but he was being extremely fussy fighting to stay awake. We were weaning him off the pacifier, and we were both exhausted and weak and decided to give in."

Lucas laughs, "You said that you threw them all out, but you had really hidden them in the kitchen."

"I had gone to go get one and wash it, and that's when I heard your voice. I thought you had come downstairs, but it was the baby monitor. I listened to you talk to him, sooth him. You told-"

"I told him the story of how you and I met," he cuts me of and we smile at each other. "I told him that I'd wait for you for forever to agree to marry me, but I didn't have to wait that much longer."

"I walked in and you were walking around the room with Theo in your arms, and I fell in love all over again. All I was able to muster out was a yes, but-"

"I knew exactly what you were talking about." He starts laughing and so do I at the memory, "It took everything inside me not to jump with joy because I didn't want to wake up our little boy, but that was one of the happiest moments in my life."

I place both of my hands on the sides of his face, "I love you, Lucas."

"I love you, Riley Frair," I blush. I will never get tired of hearing that, especially coming from his lips.

He presses his lips against mine and electricity is all I feel. I deepen the kiss and before I know it I'm straddling him. He starts to kiss my neck, and a soft moan escapes.

"Daddy!" Theo shouts and I immediately jump off. "I finished!"

Lucas groans, "We really do need some alone time." I laugh as he pulls himself off the couch. He starts to walk towards to stairs, but turns around, "Let's have another baby." A smile exudes from his lips.

I bite my lip, "Really? You want another one?"

"Of course I do! We need more of you in this world," he locks eyes with me and I smile. "So is that a yes?" I nod my head and I can see excitement wash over his face. "Do you want me to finish packing for you?"

"No. I just want to finish watching our wedding video and then I'll be up there."

"Okay, but we have to leave here in an hour," he continues up the stairs and one last time he turns around when he is half way up, "You know I asked you dad for permission once our senior year and he said yes, and I called him the day Farkle told me I was coming to see you. I didn't hesitate to ask and he didn't' hesitate to give me permission. I always knew you were the one."

"So did I, and apparently, my dad did too."

"Well, yeah he knows the story," he laughs and so do I. Lucas finishes the last few steps before he is at the top and I press play.

* * *

 _"_ _As you place this ring on the bride's finger please repeat after me: I give you this ring to wear as a symbol of my abiding love. My eternal faith, and my undying devotion. It is an outward reminder of our inner unity." the minster says._

 _"_ _I give you this ring to wear as a symbol of my abiding love. My eternal faith, and my undying devotion. It is an outward reminder of our inner unity," Lucas says as he slides the ring on my finger and tears make an appearance as does a smile on the both of us._

 _The minster turns to me, "As you place this ring on the groom's finger please repeat after me: I give you this ring to wear as a symbol of my abiding love. My eternal faith, and my undying devotion. It is an outward reminder of our inner unity."_

 _I sniffle, "I give you this ring to wear as a symbol of my abiding love. My eternal faith, and my undying devotion. It is an outward reminder of our inner unity." I slide the ring on his finger and we are both have smiles on our faces._

 _"_ _I now pronounce husband and wife; you may kiss the bride." Lucas engulfs me into his arms and slams his lips against mine. We reluctantly pull apart and face the crowd. Everyone is standing and clapping._

 _My eyes move to Theo, who is in Lucas' mom arm, who is helping him clap. Lucas grabs my hand and we start to walk down the few steps. We stop once we reach the bottom and Lucas takes Theo, and we walk down the aisle hand and hand with Theo on Lucas' hip._

* * *

I pause the video as it shows the three of us at the end of the aisle. The three of us smiling and my eyes become glossed over. It's everything I ever wanted, years that I spent telling myself I didn't deserve, but now I know better.

When I get upstairs, I hear my two favorite boys laughing in the room. I hurry to mine and Lucas' room to finish packing. I had more done than I had thought. There is only a few more things I need to put into our suitcases.

I grab the clothes I'm going to change into when I'm finished, and maneuver into our bathroom.

"Riley, are you in here?" Lucas's voice echoes.

"Yeah I'm changing. I'll be out right now." I quickly get dress and walk out. His eyes move over my body, and I love it every single time he does it. It makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Why do you have a shirt that says no sushi, no martini, no latte. Didn't you have that exact shirt when you were pregnant with Theo? I thought you got rid of all that clothes."

I smile, "I did."

"Why did you go and, oh!" realization takes over his face and his eyes widen. "Riley, are you pregnant?!" I nod as I smile. He lifts me up and spins me, "I'm going to be a dad again! Oh, my god, you're pregnant! How far along are you?"

I laugh, "I'm nine weeks."

"I can't believe this!" he touches his lips to mine and we are both smiling as he pepper kisses all over my face.

Theo runs through the door, "Why you yelling?!" he shouts.

Lucas squats down to his level and I do the same, "Mommy and daddy have really good news we want to share with you."

"What is?" Theo asks.

"I'm going to have a baby, and that mean you are going to be a big brother," I say as I poke his stomach. "You're going to have a brother or sister."

"Where is baby?"

Lucas and I both touch my stomach, "In here for now," I say, "but soon the baby will be out."

"Can I-I-I touch?" Lucas and I both nod and his little hand finds his way to my stomach. He moves his hand all around my stomach and my heart warms by the joy that is on his face, on both their faces.

His smile drops, "Y-you love me a-and baby or baby more?"

I stand up, take his hand, and walk over to my bed. I sit on the edge and pull him up onto my lap and Lucas follows suit. "I will always love you. You and the baby the same."

"When the baby comes, it just mean you get to love another person but it also means another person will love you," Lucas adds.

"Me, daddy, mommy, and baby a family."

I smile, "Yes, sweetheart." He jumps off my lap and onto the floor and runs out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Lucas yells after him.

"To make room for baby," he shouts back and we both chuckle.

Lucas take my hand in his, "We are going to have a baby."

"We are."

He leans his forehead against mine and I can stay in this moment forever, but that is sort lived when my phone starts ringing. I pull myself off the bed and move to the dresser where my phone is at. I look down to see Maya's name flashing at me.

"It's Maya."

"Are you going to tell her?"

I shake my head, "No I'm going to wait till we are there, and I'll tell everyone individually. I kind of want to tell our parents first." Lucas nods in agreement.

I hit accept.

 ** _Hey Peaches._**

 _Honey! When is your flight? Emily here keeps asking about Theo._

I laugh. **_I'm surprised Theo hasn't mentioned Emily._**

"He did," Lucas chimes in. "When he and I were playing, he kept saying that he missed her."

 ** _So, I stand corrected._** I laugh. **_We are going to leave here in about fifteen minutes our flight leaves in a few hours._**

 _How long are you guys staying?_

 ** _Just two weeks. Auggie's graduation and the wedding. And a little good news._** I mumble the last part.

 _We can't wait to see you all. You have the missing pieces to my husband and daughter all the way in Seattle._ She laughs, as do I. _You said you have news? Is that an invitation for me to ask?_

 ** _So, you heard me, and no. I promise I'll tell you by the end of the end._**

 _You better! New York can't wait to welcome back, my riles and her family even if it is just for two weeks. You all have a safe flight. I love you._

 ** _Love you too. I'll call you when we're all settled in at my parents' apartment. Bye Peaches._**

I hand up the phone and Lucas instantly starts laughing, "What's so funny?"

"I thought for sure you were going to tell her."

"I wanted to! But no, she was the first to know with Theo well besides you, and that meant Zay knew; he told everyone before we could." Lucas breaks into a heap of laughter. "It's not funny! Your mother and mine were heart broken, and let's not get started on the theatrics of my dad. They have to hear it from us."

"Whoever meets us at the airport, you are going to blow. You are itching to tell someone."

"I am!" I exclaim.

He starts to stand up, "If you don't want anyone to guess, I suggest maybe a different shirt," he says as he walks out of the room to go check on Theo.

I quickly pull the shirt off and grab an olive green v-neck to match with my black leggings. I look in the mirror and hold my hand over my stomach. I'm filled with a mixture of emotions. I'm excited to be pregnant, but I can't help the pitch of emptiness that surfaces. I close my eyes, and place my hand over my chest.

"You'll always be here baby girl. You'll always be my Hope." I keep my eye shut and I can feel her all around me, and I'm filled with bliss.

"Mommy," Theo says running back in. I open my eyes and look at him. He smiles at me, and it makes every negative feeling fade away. "Daddy says we need to go."

"Okay, I'll be right out there."

"I get to see Emily," he chants as he runs out and I smile at his adorableness.

Lucas helps me carry the suitcases down the stairs. Just as he gets the last one down a horn honks from outside.

"That's the taxi," Lucas says. "You just take care of you and Theo, and I'll take care of the luggage."

"Are you sure? I can help."

He shakes his head, "I'm sure, plus you have a sugar active little boy on your hands." I look and see Theo running around the living room. "It was your idea to give him a cookie before a flight, and I might have given him another one," he says the last bit under his breath.

"Lucas!"

He grabs two of the suitcases and walks right past me, "He asked and I was weak. I mean look at him, how can I say no to him," he kisses me on the cheek and moves out the door.

"You are supposed to be the strong one here," I call out after him.

After few minutes of chasing Theo around, I manage to settle him down just enough to get him into the taxi. Lucas is done loading up before we are even, and the whole-time Lucas is laughing.

When we finally get situated in the taxi, Lucas tells the driver where to go. Twenty minutes into the drive, and our little boy is sound asleep in Lucas' lap. I can't help but admire the view. He catches my gaze and smiles at me and my heart beat fastens. I lean to place a soft kiss on cheek, but he turns his head slightly so my lips touch his. I pull away, and we lock eyes. He is everything that I've ever wanted. We both look down at our son, and Lucas reaches to touch my stomach.

"You have a lovely family," the taxi driver says.

"Thank you, Ma'am," I look in the rearview mirror and she's smiling at me. I return my gaze back to my little family. "They are my whole world," I say as I look down at Theo and back up at Lucas who is already looking at me. My heart races, and all I can think is how happy I am at this exact moment and that's all that matters.


End file.
